Bass Player Infractions
BASS
PLAYER
Infractions
(Forwarded in an email
to
R. STEVIE MOORE,
the
World's GREATEST Bassist)
NAME OF OFFENDER (Bass
Player)
_______________________
INFRACTION
DATE
_______________________
MUSICAL OFFENSES
[ ] Playing loudly during warm up
$10
[ ] Sound-checking amp
with funk slapping $25
[ ] Loud
cursing after mistake
$10
[ ] Playing high and fast after
mistake $20
[ ] Practicing
2-handed tapping between tunes $20
[
] Asking for "E" tuning note
$25
[ ] Playing E anyway when
horns tune to Bb $50
[ ] Playing
written-out walking line $50
[ ] Failure to play written walking line
$75
[ ] Writing note names over
ledger-line notes $50
[ ] Writing
beat numbers under dotted figures
$50
[ ] Playing eighth notes
$5 each
[ ] Playing
sixteenth notes $10
each
[ ] Playing above 1st octave
immediate dismissal
[ ]
Dragging fast tempo
$75
[ ] Dragging ballad tempo
$100
[ ] Blacking
out during ballad $200
[ ] Ignoring drummer's tempo
$100
[ ] Following drummer's
tempo $250
[ ]
Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me
$1000
UPRIGHT PLAYERS
[ ] Showing up before first downbeat
$25
[ ] Playing audibly
$25
[ ] Faking changes
$25
[ ] Slapping
$150
[ ] Missing tutti lick, then mentioning
vintage of bass
$25
[ ] Excessive sweating
$25
[ ] Pedal point double-stops during horn
solo $50
[ ] Asking leader for a solo
$30
[ ] Accepting solo when offerred
$50
[ ] Taking second chorus
$100
[ ] Playing solo arco
$400
[ ] Pretending to check tuning after
playing out of tune $100
[ ] Playing "A Train" ending on every
tune $200
[ ] Playing extended "A Train" ending on
every tune $500
ELECTRIC PLAYERS
[ ] Checking hair between tunes
$15
[ ] Experimenting with odd meters
$25
[ ] Missing root at end of blistering
fill $25
[ ] Playing with a pick
$50
[ ] Tuning during ballad
$30
[ ] Playing Jaco groove on samba
$75
[ ] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad
$150
[ ] Attempting last word on final chord
$50
[ ] Achieving last word on final chord
$100
[ ] Long gliss down to final note
$200
EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS -
ELECTRIC
[ ] Forgetting strap
$10
[ ] Changing strings after
every set $15
[ ] Using
electric tuner $15
[ ] Setting up mic "just in case"
$75
[ ] Forgetting to turn amp on
$40
[ ] Bringing amp
larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip
$50
[ ] Asking horn player for
help moving amp $25
[ ] Bringing
custom-made bass $100 per string
above 4
[ ] Bringing more than 1
bass $100 per extra bass
[ ]
Skull decals on bass
$150
[ ] Bringing fretless bass
$500
CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
[ ] Telling bone player about all the
gigs you get $10
[ ] Asking
bone player about their day gig $10
[ ] Sitting behind drums on break
$10
[ ] Quoting "Birdland"
$25
[ ] Practicing
scales during break $25
[ ]
Practicing scales during drum solo
$50
[ ] Practicing
$150
[ ] Beginning a
sentence with "When I was a guitar
player..." $50
[ ] Casually
mentioning to Musical Director of cheap
theater that you are "into sequencing"
$100
BASIC STUPIDITY
[ ] Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt
$10
[ ] Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt
$20
[ ] Asking when the rock set starts
$20
[ ] Continually asking "where are we?"
$25
[ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!"
$25
[ ] Asking bone player where "1" is
$50
[ ] Taking cell phone call during 4's
$100
Give the DRUMMER some!!
MY DAD, BOB
"World's SECOND
greatest
BASSIST"
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