Written, performed and produced by Ron and Russell Mael

Russell Mael • vocals / Ron Mael • keyboards
Tamera Glover • drums, vocals / Dean Menta (ex-Faith No More) • guitars

1. The Rhythm Thief

I am the rhythm thief
Say goodbye to the beat
I am the rhythm thief
Auf wiedersehen to the beat

Oh no, where did the groove go
Where did the groove go
Where did the groove go?
Lights out Ibiza
Where did the groove go
Where did the groove go
Where did the groove go?

You'll never get it back
You'll never get it back
The rhythm thief has got it and
You'll never get it back

You'll never get it back
You'll never get it back
The rhythm thief has got it and
You'll never get it back

You'll never get it back
You'll never get it back
The rhythm thief has got it and
You'll never get it back

Lights out Ibiza
I am the rhythm thief
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

2. How Do I Get To Carnegie Hall

How do I get to Carnegie Hall?
How do I get to Carnegie Hall?
How do I get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice, man, practice
Practice, man, practice
Practice, man, practice
Practice, man, practice

How do I get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice, man, practice
How do I get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice, man, practice
To get yourself to Carnegie Hall
Practice, man, practice
Carnegie Hall
Carnegie Hall

Technical facility
Old-word sensibility
All of this I did for you
Still there is no sign of you

I practiced
I practiced
Carnegie Hall was beckoning
I practiced
I practiced
Carnegie Hall was beckoning
I was ready I was ready
Carnegie Hall was beckoning
Still there is no sign of you
Still there is no sign of you

Steinway, Steinway
Steinway, Steinway

How do I get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice man, practice
How do I get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice, man, practice
To get yourself to Carnegie Hall
Practice man, practice
Carnegie Hall
Carnegie Hall

Practice on a Steinway
Practice on a Steinway
Practice on a Steinway
They loved it, they showed it
The audience was deafening
I was ready, I was ready
The critics all said "riveting"
On a Steinway, on a Steinway
I guess it doesn't mean a thing
Still there is no sign of you
Still there is no sign of you

How do I get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice man, practice
How do I get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice man, practice
How do I get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice man, practice
How do I get to Carnegie Hall?
Practice man, practice
Still there is no sign of you

3. What Are All These Bands So Angry About

Hey everybody, what do you know
What are all these bands so angry about?
Hey everybody, what do you say
Someone's stolen our spotlight, Ray
Hey everybody, what do you say
What are all these bands so angry about?
Hey everybody, what do you know
Something's stolen our thunder, Joe
Hey everybody, what do you know
What are all these bands so angry about?
Hey everybody, what do you know
Something's stolen our thunder, Joe
Hey everybody, what do you know
What are all these bands so angry about?

Hey everybody, what can we do?
Crank it up just a notch or two?
Hey everybody, what can we do?
What are all these bands so angry about?
Hey everybody, they called our bluff
Our profane ain't profane enough
Hey everybody, they called our bluff
What are all these bands so angry about?

Hey everybody, what do you say?
Someone's bounced us from center stage
Some might have done it, but not today
Beethoven, Coltrane or Lady Day
Some might have done it, but not today
What are all these things besieging us now
Some might have done it, broken on through
Wagner, Tatum or Howlin' Wolf
Some might have done what we'll never do
What are all these bands so angry about?

Hey everybody, what do you know
Something's stolen our thunder, Joe
Hey everybody, what do you know
What are all these bands so angry about?

4. I Married Myself

I married myself, I'm very happy together
I married myself, I'm very happy together
I married myself, I'm very happy together
Long, long walks on the beach, lovely times

I married myself, I'm very happy together
Candlelight dinners home, lovely times
This time it's gonna last, this time it's gonna last
Forever, forever, forever

I married myself, I'm very happy together
I married myself, I'm very happy together
This time it's gonna last
This time it's gonna last
Forever, forever, forever
This time it's gonna last
This time it's gonna last
Forever, forever, forever

I married myself, I'm very happy together
Long long walks on the beach
Lovely times
I married myself, I'm very happy together
Candlelight dinners home, lovely times
This time it's gonna last
This time it's gonna last
Forever, forever, forever
This time it's gonna last
This time it's gonna last
Forever, forever, forever

5. Ride em Cowboy

They laughed with me
Then laughed at me
They said "how true"
They said "not you"
They thought how wise
Then thought goodbye
Your hit your stride
Then Mr. Hyde
(Ride 'em cowboy, ride 'em)

They laughed with me
Then laughed at me
They said "how true"
They said "not you"
They thought how wise
Then thought goodbye
Your hit your stride
Then Mr. Hyde
Ride 'em
I got thrown again
Ride 'em
Get back on again

I swam, I sank
Top seed, unranked
The pole, the wall
The pride, the fall
A state of grace
Slapped in the face
A state of mind
Then card declined

From great to good
From good to fair
To barely pass
Stay after class

I'm hot I'm cold
I'm bought, I'm sold
First accolades
Then hand grenades
They hate your look
They hate your book
They hate your guts
You've heard enough
It's not your day
It's not your week
It's not your month
It's not your year

First AOK
Then IOU
BMOC
Then MIA
From DIY
To DUI
From 411
To 911
Ride 'em cowboy, ride 'em
Ride 'em cowboy, ride 'em

First AOK
Then IOU
BMOC
Then MIA
From DIY
To DUI
From 411
To 911

From soup to nuts
From job to cuts
From sure to chance
From can to can'ts
From smart to dumb
From bread to crumbs
From wowed to bored
Olé, then gored
Ride 'em cowboy, ride 'em
I got thrown again
Ride 'em cowboy, ride 'em
Get back on again

From just desserts
To just desserts
From you're for me
To ca suffit
From bon vivant
To sycophant
From open door
To merde, alors
From just desserts
To just desserts
From you're for me
To ca suffit
From bon vivant
To sycophant
From open door
To merde, alors
Ride 'em cowboy, ride 'em

I got thrown again
Ride 'em cowboy, ride 'em
Get back on again
Ride 'em Cowboy
Ride 'em cowboy

6. My Baby's Taking Me Home

Home
My baby's taking me home
My baby's taking me home
My baby's taking me home
My baby's taking me home
My baby's taking me home

As we walk through the morning rain
And the skies are clearing
And the streets are glistening
Streets named for New England trees
A rainbow forms
But we're both colorblind
But we can hear what others can't hear
We can hear the sound of a chorus singing
Home, my baby's taking me home

My baby's taking me home
My baby's taking me home
My baby's taking me home
My baby's taking me home

7. Your Call Is Very Important To Us Please Hold

Please hold
Please hold
Please hold
I'm getting mixed signals
Mixed signals
Mixed signals
Mixed signals

At first she said: "Your call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold, Please hold."
Then she said: "You call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold. Please hold."
At first she said: "Your call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold, Please hold."
Then she said: "You call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold. Please hold."
At first she said: "Your call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold, Please hold."
Then she said: "You call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold. Please hold."
At first she said: "Your call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold, Please hold."
Then she said: "You call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold. Please hold."

Green, green light, red light
Green, green light, red light
At first she said: "green light"
And then she said: "red light"
At first she said: "Your call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold, Please hold."
Then she said: "You call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold. Please hold."
Green, green light, red light
Green, green light, red light

At first she said: "Your call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold, Please hold."
Then she said: "You call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold. Please hold."
At first she said: "Your call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold, Please hold."
Then she said: "You call is very important to us"
And then she said: "Please hold. Please hold."
I'm getting mixed signals, mixed signals

8. Ugly Guys With Beautiful Girls

Ugly guys with beautiful girls
You always know what the story is
Beautiful girls with ugly guys
What do they take us for anyway?
Ugly guys, with beautiful girls
Ugly guys with beautiful girls
As they walk down the street arm in arm
I see them
And once again feel the need to ask myself the question
The question that has weighed heavily on me of late
How is it possible that a guy and a girl
So dissimilar in physical appearance,
There being such a disparity in how attractive each is,
Be nonetheless in what would appear to be a relationship?

It ain't done with smoke and mirrors
It ain't done with smoke and mirrors
It ain't done with smoke and mirrors
Ugly guys with beautiful girls
Ugly guys with beautiful girls
Ugly guys with beautiful girls

How do we explain this?
An attraction of opposites?
No, that theory has been refuted
By many experts in the fields of human psychology
A much greater attraction seems to come
from one more similar to oneself
Personality perhaps?
Without intending to sound judgmental
That he doesn't look like
What was once called "live wire" or "the life of the party"
He appears rather expressionless.
His movements are stiff and even awkward
Perhaps he's a person of some intellect
An expert in science
The arts, political theory?
No, I think not.
See how well tailored his clothes are
How well cut his hair is

It ain't done with smoke and mirrors
It ain't done with smoke and mirrors
It ain't done with smoke and mirrors
Ugly guys with beautiful girls
Ugly guys with beautiful girls
Ugly guys with beautiful girls

I must confess to you, my listeners
That I have been a little less than honest
In pretending I had no answers to my previous questions
You see, I lost someone very dear to me
Someone very beautiful
To someone much like him
Ah, you ask, surely there must have been other areas
Where you were deficient and he was not
No, I don't believe so
My shortcomings were of an economic nature
He was rich, I was not
You see, I underestimated the appeal to her of things
Imported things on wheels
Large things with manicured lawns and
Olympic swimming pools
Things to wear around her neck that would
Glisten in the night light
Things!

Still I am not bitter
Rather, I am an observer
Who saw first hand how life may not be fair
Would things have turned out differently
Between me and her
Had I moved the corporate ladder quicker
Been born of more noble stock
Or done better on one of our journeys to Las Vegas?

Perhaps.
In fact, I am certain of it.
Things would have turned out differently
Between me and her
I know this now

It ain't done with smoke and mirrors
Ugly guys with beautiful girls
You always know what the story is

9. Suburban Homeboy

I am a suburban homeboy
With a suburban ho right by my side
I am a suburban homeboy
And I say yo dog to my pool cleaning guy
I hope I'm baggy enough for them
I play my Shaggy enough for them
I'll pop a cap up some fool at the Gap
'Cause I'm a suburban homeboy

I am a suburban homeboy
With a suburban ho right by my side
I am a suburban homeboy
And I say yo dog to my detailing guy
I bought me cornrows on Amazon
I started listening to Farrakhan
My caddy and me, he just looks like Jay-Z
And I'm a suburban homeboy

I am a suburban homeboy
With a suburban ho right by my side
She's known as Miss Missy Tannenbaum
And she's one freak bitch, ain't no lie
She's from the projects in Saint Tropez
She looks like Iverson in a way
She yo yo's me and I yo yo her back
And I'm a suburban homeboy
She yo yo's me and I yo yo her back
And I'm a suburban homeboy
She yo yo's me and I yo yo her back
And I'm a suburban homeboy

We are suburban homeboys
With our suburban ho's right by our sides
We are suburban homeboys
And we say yo dog and we mean it, by God
We've got an old school mentality
Oxford and Cambridge mentality
Props to our peeps and
Please keep your receipts
And we are suburban homeboys
Props to our peeps and please
Keep your receipts
And we are suburban homeboys
Props to our peeps and
Please keep your receipts
And we are suburban homeboys
Props to our peeps and please
Keep your receipts
And we are suburban homeboys

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