In the beginning of 2000, I felt restored in a way that is indescribable to anyone unless they have been through such a life-changing experience. My first relationship was in the past and had I begun searching deeper for the reason of my life and a rational explanation of everything around me. Sure I could have assumed the teachings in church were true and the things my family talked about were right, but I really wasn't sold out at all on any of it. Middle school was that time I took to re-evaluate where I was heading and what a task that was going to be! I had been a pretty selfish kid in my eyes up to that point, causing trouble and getting away with things I shouldn't have gotten away with. I made some "friends" feel horrible by shunning them, lying, or through something verbal that may have hurt their feelings. However, I did have a guilty conscience after these matters, so I wasn't entirely evil! I did apologize sincerely...a few times. Overall, I knew around this time in my life I wanted change - somehow, as far as I could remember I wanted it. 7th grade brought to me urgency about fixing myself or something in me to get rid of the old. This was the era in my life where I was fine in school, kept many of the same friends as I had in elementary school, and had grown into the whole internet, online social world thing with long distant christians and penpals. It was all that I had changed for at that point, and I felt content again, staying up until 5 AM numerous times in the week, getting one or two hours of sleep. I was introduced to a whole new world with people older than me who claimed they were of christian faith, and it was pretty cool listening in on their conversations and the way they expressed this thing they called their "faith".
My youth group had grown a lot that year and my wonderful youth pastor had done very much with us to this point to get the junior highers interested in events. He created new and fun activites and looked around for opportunities to invite us kids to any type of a music or sports happening. Up until now, Pastor Steve had done more in my life than I knew of at the time. A few friends and family were there with me in what spiritual life I had back then, but most of it had come from this new church I had begun going to and through Steve. The friends I had that were involved in church activities did not necessarily speak about their own personal experiences or personal faith. And for me to ask them was even odd I guess at the time. I felt like I was lost and had been left out of the secret as to why there were so many kids around in these groups and if they had understood the whole gospel and God thing either. Only one of my friends, Chris, had really expressed his faith to me through what his father had taught him. He helped me out with some things and told me a little bit of what he did to learn more about being a christian. I'd say he is pretty much the only other person responsible for helping me in the right direction with my life.
This began one day, summer of 1998, when I had received my first dose of spiritual meaning in the form of a CD. I was on the way to the theater to see a movie with Chris' family, and he was listening to some music on his Sony compact disk player. It was Chris, his brother, Jon, and I in the backseat of his van. And remembering quite well, I can recall he inserted a two way plug into the player to allow another set of headphones to work with it, so the two of us could listen. Now this was a familiar song playing; one I was almost sure I have heard somewhere before. It had a chorus of a song I must've heard, but I didn't know who it was, nor could I think of where besides the radio I might have heard it. It was certainly an odd thing, because pretty much every song I've heard on the radio or in my parent's stereo I have known who it was (or soon after hearing it found out.
From just those few minutes spent in the van listening to that CD, a lot was running through my head. I could not grasp the idea of how this group could produce such awesome rock and clever lyrics and not be heard by pretty much everyone. Sure they sang about ideas that haven't crossed many people's minds that I knew. They were ideas that were not often touched by other musical artists and different things in our own lives that rarely ever surfaced in discussions. It made me wonder why they cared so much about it all to write lyrics pertaining to these topics. There were other bands that touched on semi-religious matters, and love, and hope, and even problems within our generation. U2 is one example in my generation. But why did these dudes spend so much of their time writing music and talking to their fans about it, and nothing else?
It only took one week before I had the urge to find out more for myself, to satisfy my curiosity. I know I kept asking my mother to take me to the mall so I could ransack the music store until I found what I was looking for. The prime music store at that time just happened to be The Wall. It took me some time to find what I was looking for, but I eventually found the CD was in a new unfamiliar section. It was labeled "Christian Contemporary," a music genre separate from all the others that I was so used to. But there I found the old weathered looking brownish cover - "Jesus Freak". It wasn't exactly what I expected when I checked out the case, but I knew it was the same one I had seen and heard in the van one week ago. So let me just say - I went home that night, and as soon as I sat down at the computer, I had that CD playing from dinner time until 3 AM in the morning. It was amazing beyond words that I could describe! I knew something was in that music that these three guys had created, that wasn't in anything else I liked to listen to. I'll tell you it wasn't JUST the sound, but the lyrics and feeling behind it all! This record had something that I never had been given before. It contained lyrics with the message I had been missing all my life, lyrics with questions that made me think about my own actions, and lyrics that engraved catchy rhythms and smooth mind-melting choruses into my head. I was feeling the notion that I had made the right decision too about acquiring the CD. This album was something special that sparked the interest inside me to look more into the christian faith.
"Oh, you have never heard of dc Talk?" Chris said to me.
"dc Talk huh? No, I don't think I know that name. But hey man - I like them!"
He played a couple more tracks before we reached our destination (the Mansfield cinemas).
They were songs that later I would learn as "Day by Day" "Colored People" and "Jesus Freak". Songs that would soon shape the foundation of my beliefs.
Months later now, Steve had spread around word of this concert in Philadelphia - dc Talk w/Jennifer Knapp and the W's! It included these two other christian artists who I had barely heard of since. I couldn't believe it though. Coincidence that perhaps the ONLY band I was listening to for the rest of the year would be performing live near us in such a short time? There was no doubt that I was psyched for this!
That concert at the Wachovia Spectrum in Philadelphia opened my heart and my mind to so much after that. It was a moment in my life that turned basically ALL my perspectives around. I became interested in such a wide variety of music and I only wanted to get more of it. I was hungry for it all; thirsty to learn about the music I had missed out on for the years I grew up listening to other stuff. But not only did I crave more of this new sound and inspiration, I also slowly begun fading away from all the older stuff I had listened to. Pink Floyd - no. Red Hot Chili Peppers - no. Everlast - no. Lenny Kravitz, 311, James Taylor, The Beatles...whatever it was, secular music just did not fulfill anything in my life and to this day I barely listen to it at all. I mean, I will pop in a Chili Peppers album or U2 every now and then, but it's just not the same as the excellent stuff I've got in my collection now. So from here, the music scene, the concerts, the charities I would hear about in church were enough to get me started in my walk as a christian...although I was not quite there yet. There was much more I had to do. A lot more...
Transition
Simply, the next two years of my life into high school were the transition years of my life. You could say they set the path for the rest of my life. I would say a few of my friends had noticed a change in me. I think others did not think I was the same guy they had known before. But I knew it was a change for the better, and with the new heart that was placed inside of me, I really was born-again into this world.
A christian camp in upstate New York - Northern Frontier, also helped me discover the direction I needed to go. New friends to meet, great fellowship, campfires and songs, would illuminate the christmas light collection in my mind which represented the plan that was laid out for me (just like the string of lights). But I recall that even with the worship and the wonderful sermons I heard, when they had asked for anyone ready to accept the Lord into their hearts, I was scared and felt as if I wasn't ready. (I'm sure many who have read this could recall one of those past memories) I did not accept Christ that night. I should not have felt ashamed for not understanding it all in front of about fifty other kids and counselors.
A few weeks passed before I received the true internal calling from God. I would spend late nights in my room and climb out on the roof above the grarage to think about my life and how far I had come from being the kid who I once was. I did accept Jesus Christ into my heart though. My heart just completely opened up and I felt the Holy Spirit working though me, transforming my body, making me whole again. I did not understand all about the Holy Spirit right away of course, but through time and prayer I learned. It was a feeling that was truly unforgettable though. Many tears fell from my eyes from feeling loved and truly happy. I kept asking myself why I had been going through this and not many of the friends I knew in school. I felt more mature and ready to do something with my life that I had never done. It was like an idea of starting over and destroying my former self. LIFE-CHANGING I say. Pretty crazy...
But to this day, I remember times where I stumbled upon obstacles and found peace that just blew me away. They were times where I would re-dedicate my life and fully recall who I used to be and who I had become. Rededication to me meant that I had a mission, and I always wanted to keep it in mind that I could not fall away or forget it. I know many people who experience something similar who are not christian in faith, and other spiritual people who have been through a lot and feel the same way. They want to fix their lives, but do not know how. They long for the answers to all their own personal questions. They really want to understand what's real and the purpose of their existence here on Earth. I feel these opportunities are wonderful, and they keep me on top of life, despite the hard times I've gone through since. But overall, I now have a different outlook than I had years ago, and it's an inner peace that guides my life and keeps me focused in the right direction, no matter what storms come in my life.
So here I am now, graduated from high school, into college with wonderful friends, and moving on through a very challenging career with electronic engineering. I have made plenty mistakes as well through my life of being a christian. No regrets? Eh, I still feel like I have regrets sometimes, the hardest thing for me to not think about. But if God had intended these things to happen in the long run, then so be it. Something everyone should know is that Christianity holds no room for perfect people. Everyone is going to mess up here and there, and even have regrets. The typical stereotype that most nonchristians have of us thinking we are better than everyone else is WRONG. We simply believe everyone has a chance to be forgiven for everything that they have done in their own life. Someone who believes in the inerrancy of Scriptures and follows them will truly humble themselves. And as for me, I will discover great things in my future and I know He will supply me with whatever is right, according to his plan. (Jer 29:11)
Everybody believes in something. I believe in many things.
-Homosexuality is indeed considered sexual immorality.
So what do I believe?
-The drinking age in our country should be 18, not because I drink, but because we stand ALONE in the world as the only country with our law over 20 years of age. I think along with many of you that if somehow this was decreased a bit, we would not have as much of a drinking problem we have now.
-I am not against tatoos, piercings, or any of that unless they are presented in unnatural ways or anything crazy.
-Totally against abortion.
-There should be some difference between the christians of the world and everyone else. We were called to be set apart after all. Love is what we need to do so.
-Whether you feel liberal or conservative, I don't think it matters that much so that some people feel the need to get all fired up (especially about politics!). We will all have our own thoughts on subjects, and that's just who we are as people. Some liberals have very conservative views on certain topics, and so in the end, it doesn't make them so liberal now does it?
