The Disfiguration of Society's Mold

When the individual is confronted with society either they conform to its unwritten laws or become alienated from the "acceptable" norm. It has been genetically proven that no human has the same DNA arrangement as any other, yet we constantly try to mimic one another's tastes and characteristics. I see my friends and family conform; some forcefully others willingly. Then I see myself slightly conform, and quickly become disgusted at my loss of individuality.

Many comment on my clothing or on my peculiar taste in music. For you see, my hair is cropped as short as a boy's and "color discoordination" is the motto for my daily uniform. I listen to punk rock music, as well as reggae, new wave, industrial, and oldies. With all these characteristics in view, I can't walk down a street or a hallway without hearing sneers and ignorant comments: "FREAK!", "DYKE!", "Frankenstein's girlfriend", "Try experimenting with a comb!", and so on. I don't believe that any of these utterances speak truthfully about me yet I am always confronted with the same immature statements, for I am not a freak, I am simply me.

When I was first confronted with peer mockery, I would become depressed for days, but as time progressed those statements made me laugh more than cry. I laugh because of their blatant narrow-mindedness, since they label me as "such and such" before even approaching me for an intelligent conversation. I am not a two dimensional drawing, I have many different facets. Unfortunately, most people refuse to look beyond the wall of public opinion.

One may ask why I have strayed away from the path of high heels and makeup. I have only one true answer to that: it simply was not me. The television and those pre-pubescent girl magazines tried to mold me into a weight watching, fashion mongering, male idolizing teenybopper. I tried to be like everyone else, yet the more I tried, the more alienated I became. I began to realize that I had no real friends and I decided to just stick to myself mostly. My identity was lost within me and it was up to me to dig it out. Since I had spent so much time trying to be someone else I never truly knew who I was, and so the process of removing the mask that society had deeply ingrained into my mind began. I stopped paying attention to what "everyone else" thought was cool and went with my own instincts. When I listened to music it was because "I" thought the lyrics were inspiring and the melody pulled on my heart strings. When I would go buy clothing I would go alone and buy it because it was comfortable and unique.

Soon, my own political ideas and ethical reasoning came about as well. I didn't need a politician to tell me lies, nor a pro-lifer to tell me that my body is an incubator for producing babies for the state. With all these newly found traits, I began to meet new people who accepted me for who I was. What made them good friends was and still is that I didn't have to be like them to be accepted. They regard individuality as a trait far more attractive than if I had bought the latest pair of Nike sneakers. Just because I have a friends, does not mean that I don't have enemies. Its just that I've been able to accept the fact that not everyone is going to like me. I am different just as everyone else is, some wish to portray their individuality more than others, while some accept people's differences more than others.

Now that my adulthood is near, I question which path to take: to conform and be another faceless tool for the government or follow my own instincts and live everyday as if it were my last. Robert Frost whispers into my ear to take the road less traveled, while members of authority push me to be a "model" student/citizen/soon-to-be taxpaying adult. Which one is best for me? If I conform to society will I become just another number to be taxed and stalked by Big Brother? So many questions, yet the only person that has the true answer is me. I must look deep inside and see what the meaning of my existence is, then I can begin to discover who I really am as a human being. If I am still marginalized because people cannot accept me for who I am then so be it, I wouldn't want their pompous approval anyway.

On a final note, I would like to state that just because two students in Littleton were ostracized by their peers does not mean that I am and in no means am I planning an evil killing spree in our "comfort-zone" institution. If I had joined the Trench Coat Mafia then I would of also been aware of the fact that I would become a source of mockery for the rest of the "socially acceptable" student body. No one put a gun to my head and forced me to be who I am. I am who I am out of my own decision and through society's influence on me. If the society we live deems that I am "odd" then by their standards I shall be an outcast, but through my standards I am just simply ME.