Saying good-bye, death, sadness, birth joy, and happiness. Each of these can have tears attached to them. But will the tears be wiped away?
A death of a loved one brings tears of sadness with it, but it also brings memories of happier times with it. A friend hugs me and says it’s ok, I’m here for you. We were there for one another. The tears where wiped away, but by whom? Who was this friend?
A birth of a child also brings tears with it. But these are often tears of happiness and joy. Are these tears wiped away? If they are, who wiped them away?
Saying good-bye to a close friend brings many tears with it. There are tears of sadness because we are moving away from one another, but there are also tears that are brought along because of laughter from the memories of all the good times spent together. But then a friend comes along to say it’s ok you’ll see each other soon, I won’t let you forget one another. Remember there is only a car ride, a phone call, or a letter between you. Who wiped away these tears? Who was this friend?
Two questions, but one answer: I asked Jesus “How much He loved me?” and Jesus answered: This much.” Then He stretched out His arms and died.
6-7-98
Death, what is death? It is but a passing into a better life, where we will be with Jesus and the Father and the Holy Spirit. How awesome will it be…? I do not know. Death once was a fear of mine, now I fear for those I would leave behind. Would they realize that I am happy where I am? Would they tell the stories of good ole days? Would they even care? Jesus, I am yours, take me when it is my time? (Just not yet.)
2-17-00
Am I ready? Ready to go? Go where? To Church? No. Home? Yes, Oh! Which “home”? Heaven, silly. Oh! Home to God Home to where Gary, John Frank, Aaron, Jamie-Lyne, Courtney, and many many others are. I love you all dearly, thanks for showing me Jesus. Thanks! Miss you, but will see you “soon”.
2-17-00
Does it every end? Does the pain ever go away? The thoughts of I should have known them better. The thought of I never got to say good-bye, breaks my heart. At least I know that they are in a better place. Nothing will replace the whole let in my heart. God will leave it there so that I can help others. The pain of loss may never go away, but at least I know I’m not alone. God is always with me.
5-19-00
Victory
Obedience
Celibacy
Admirable
Tough
Intense
Oneness with God
Never easy
Special
Vocations must be the easiest, yet hardest thing I have ever had to figure out. Thank God for Fr. Bill and his willingness to help me. I wonder how they know they did the right thing.
5-19-00
I look out my window one year after the fire. The site is completely different from what I saw at 5am that morning. No helicopters, no ambulances, no news vans, just snow and dirt and the campus lights. I open the window no sirens, no sounds of helicopters flying overhead. No smell of fire, just a fireplace (the good type of fire). I look out the window, hearing the rain fall, towards the building that seems so far away yet is so close. I see the rain and smile as strange as it may be the rain is a comfort. Yesterday the snow, that John loved, fell and had me smiling for a little while. Today the rain fell and added to a dark and gloomy day in the history of Seton Hall and lives of Seton Hall students. Although the rain came down all day and seemed to make a sad day even sadder, it brightened my day. As I walked back from Boland, I could not help but think that the raindrops were tears from Heaven. The tears of a loving Father watching over His children at Seton Hall. I’m sure that Fr. Peterson, Msgr. Field, John, Frank, Aaron, Soyholia and everyone else taken from Seton Hall this year were crying with God. They might have been tears of sadness for loved ones left behind, or they could be tears of happiness over how the Seton Hall family, for we have been through to much to only be a community, came together to end what has been a horrific year for our fine Catholic institution. God works in mysterious ways, and is always there no matter what. May all the “angels” from Seton Hall who are in Heaven always watch over us.
1-19-01
“Let the children come to me, and do not stop them.” This Scripture verse usually leads to the image of Christ surrounded by little children. But to me after today I have another image… one of God calling His children home to be with Him, no matter what their age is.
1-19-01
‘“Where oh Death is your sting?” The sting of death is sin.” 1 Corinthians
The sting of death often goes right for the heart and rips it in two. This sting leaves you with questions, wondering how God could do this or where God was when that sting came. On January 19, 2000 God was on the third floor of Boland with John, Frank, and Aaron. He was also with Dana, Alvaro, Shawn, Nick, and Tom and the other residents of Boland as they helped one another out and then comforted one another. God was also with everyone who was on Seton Hall campus that day and everyone affiliated with Seton Hall. Death IS swallowed up in victory- Victory in Christ- who will be with us always.
1-19-01
Speechless, yes I am speechless. My heart still breaks at the thought of three young lives haven been taken. Even after all the times I have heard, they have fulfilled God’s plan, I still wonder about the goodness they would have brought to the world. How many children would have smiled because of them? All these questions with no answer. These thoughts still exist for Gary. Why, why, they were so young, they had so much left ahead of them. So many people to meet and touch. Why? Speechless, I am left speechless.
1-20-01
It seems like only yesterday that I say in Boland and got the phone call, not three years. Although I know that Gary is in Heaven smiling down on us, my heart still breaks. The questions of why, along with would I have gotten to know him better still run through my head. The memories come back whenever they feel like it. At least I know who I can turn to to help me. That little office in Boland… it’s time for a nice chat.
1-20-01
My heart aches
My heart breaks
So young
So much ahead of them
Memories both good and bad
Questions of:
Why?
How?
Did it really happen or are we in a sick and twisted dream?
Are asked
A hole left in my heart
The sting of death has come and ripped my heart to shreds
I am a person of faith; I will get through this
But
Where?
Where?
Where is my faith?
It seems so far away
At Mass not even the consecration could make me smile
My heart aches
My heart breaks
Will it ever end?
1-21-01
Bells
I hear the bells ring
They ring in memory of life
Life so young, not yet lived or so we thought
Atop the bell tower sits a Crucifix
A sign of a life that should not have been taken
The bells ring
The memories come rushing back of sights and sounds of the day
Will they ever go away?
Will I ever forget what happened?
The bells ring
A prayer is said
What more can we do?
But just be there for one another and let God watch over us
The bells ring
Three angels have their wings
Gone but not forgotten
1-21-01
This one is not mine, but it is what inspired the reflection above.
For searching hearts, what can remain of young dreams and potential but a scorched landscape? Are embers and ashes the enduring legacy? How is one to know? How is one to understand? Silence.
Yet, bells toll.
Silence yields.
Memories come alive.
Time brings a friend's help. One who hears the cries, one in whom dreams stay and potential never dries. If burdened by this sadness, how is one to know? How is one to understand? Is there more than doubt; is there something to this silence?
Bells toll.
Silence yields.
Memories come alive.
The Father's love.
The Son's voice.
The Spirit's lasting peace.
For bells toll.
Silence yields.
Memories come alive.
