My Favorite BtVS Quotes

Season 1

Xander:"Can I have you.Uh...can I help you."

Angel:"Don't worry, I don't bite."

Buffy:"Who are you?"
Angel:"Let's just say, I'm a friend."
Buffy:"Yeah, maybe I don't want a friend."
Angel:"I didn't say I was yours."

Cordelia:"Willow, nice dress. Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears."

Cordelia:"God! What is your childhood trauma?"

Cordelia:"Excuse me. Who gave you permission to exist?"

Buffy:"You killed my date."

Xander:"So Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?"
Xander:"I mean, how'd the laying go. No, I didn't mean that either."

Buffy:"If you are hanging around, I'd like to know why."

Giles:"A vampire in love with a slayer, it's rather poetic."

Buffy:"Does it say how he's gonna kill me? Think it'll hurt? Don't touch me. You weren't gonna tell me?"
Giles:"I was hoping that I didn't have to, that there was some way around it."
Buffy:"I've got a way around it. I quit."
Angel:"It's not that simple."
Buffy:"I'm making it that simple. I quit, I resign, I'm fired. You can find someone else from stopping the Master from taking over."
Giles:"I'm not sure anyone else can. All the signs indicate..."
Buffy:"Signs? Read me the signs! Tell me my fortune! You're so useful sitting here with all your books, you're really a lot of help."
Giles:"I don't suppose I am."
Angel:"I know this is hard."
Buffy:"What do you know about this? You're never gonna die."
Angel:"Do you think I want anything to happen to you? Do you think I can stand it? We just got to figure out a way..."
Buffy:"I already did. I quit, remember? Pay attention!" Giles:"Buffy, if the Master rises..."
Buffy:"I don't care! I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die."

Angel:"You're in love with her."
Xander:"Aren't you?"

Xander:" You were looking at my neck."
Xander:"You were checking out my neck, I saw that."
Angel:"No I wasn't."
Xander:"Just keep your distance pal."

Buffy:"I may be dead, but I'm still pretty."

Buffy:"We saved the world, I say we party."

Season 2

Buffy:"Come on, kick my ass."

Buffy:"You won't tell anyone that I'm the slayer, and I won't tell anyone that you're a moron."

Buffy:"Cordelia, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it, this is never good."

Buffy:"I moved on, to the living."

Cordelia:"You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't you?"
Buffy:"As defending champion, you nervous?"

Xander:"Are we overlooking the fact that she may be very attracted to me...she's possessed."

Cordelia:"And if you get me out of this, I swear I'll never be mean to anyone ever again. Unless, they really deserve it or if its that time of the month, in which case I don't think you or anyone else can hold me responsible..."
Willow:"Ask for some aspirin."

Spike:"I'll make it quick. It won't hurt a bit."
Buffy:"No Spike. Its gonna hurt a lot."

Joyce:"You get the hell away from my daughter."

Buffy:"I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. Do I?"
Xander:"The important is that you believe that."

Xander:"You gave up your life."
Buffy:"And I had you to bring me back."

Cordelia:"Look Buffy. You might be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I'm the slayer."

Xander:"Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with dead boy on this one."
Angel:"Would you not call me that."

Xander:"Angel was in your bedroom?"
Willow:"Ours is a forbidden love."

Giles:"I'll bring the weaponry."
Buffy:"I'll bring the party mix."

Cordelia:"This is what happens when you have school on Saturday."

Xander:"That's it! Twelve years of you and I'm snapping. I don't care if your a girl or not, I'm throwing down. Come on!"
Cordelia:"I've seen you fight, and don't think I can't take you."

Cordelia:"You dragged me out here for a ride? What am I? Mass transportation?"
Xander:"That's just what a lot of the guys say, but its just locker room talk. I wouldn't pay it any mind."

Xander:"I hope these are my last moments. Three more seconds with you and I'm gonna..."
Cordelia:"I'm gonna what? Coward."
Cordelia:"I hate you!"
Xander:"I hate you!"

Xander:"Then go, I'm not stopping you."
Cordelia:"I bet you wouldn't. I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by herself."
Xander:"Not just any girl, you're special."

Spike:"By George, I think he's got it."

Buffy:"Angel, he's Druscilla's sire."
Xander:"Man, that guy got major neck in his day."

Kendra:"I am Kendra, the vampire slayer."

Xander:"So you're a slayer. I like that in a woman."

Kendra:"You tink he might help us?"
Buffy:"I tink we might make him."

Kendra:"That's me favorite shirt. That's me only shirt."

Xander:"You wannn go to the utility closet and make out?"
Cordelia:"God, is that all you ever think about...okay."

Xander:"Hey Cordy, nice outfit."
Cordelia:"Oh, very funny."
Xander:"Not really."
Cordelia:"What are you saying?"
Xander:"Nice outfit?"
Cordelia:"Well, why don't you just keep your mouth shut."

Xander:"Last time Cordy dragged me in here, it was a lot nicer."
Xander:"Nothing, crazy talk, head trauma."

Angel:"I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop."

Spike:"Do you like it baby?"
Druscilla:"It reeks of death."

Oz:"That pretty much sums it up."

Angel:"She's just crazy enough to do it."
Willow:"Do what? Reassemble the judge."
Angel:"Bring forth Armageddon."
Cordelia:"Is anybody else gonna have cake?"

Cordelia:"Groping in a broom closet isn't dating. You don't call it a date until the guy spends money."
Xander:"Fine, I'll spend, and then we'll grope, whatever. I just think its some kind of whack that we have to hide what we feel from all our friends..."
Cordelia:"Of course you want to tell everybody, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I on the other hand, have everything to be ashamed of."

Season 3

Buffy:"We've got a peach pie. Can't guarantee there's a peach in it."

Buffy:"How did you find me here?"
Angel:"If I was blind I'd see you."

Buffy:"Stay with me."
Angel:"Forever. That's the whole point. I'll never leave...not even if you kill me."

Xander:"I don't wanna come on too geeky, but, okay, I'm psyched. There's gonna be some heat if you know what I mean, so you guys might wanna duck and cover. And I'm starting to be geeky."

Xander:"Go away, this is my hiding spot."
Cordelia:"Where do I hide?"
Xander:"You don't hide, you're bait. Go act baity."
Cordelia:"What's the plan?"
Xander:"Vampire attacks you."
Cordelia:"And then what?"
Xander:"Vampire kills you, we watch, and we rejoice."

Buffy:"Didn't anyone ever warn you about playing with pointy sticks? It's all fun and games until someone loses and eye."

Buffy:"As if I even could have gone to you Xander. You made your feelings about Angel and I perfectly clear." Xander:"Look, I'm sorry if your honey was a demon, but most girls don't hop a Greyhound over boy troubles."

Giles:"Cordelia, it's me."
Cordelia:"How do I know it's your and not zombie Giles?
Giles:"Cordelia, would you stop being tiresome."
Cordelia:"That's him."

Xander:"So, where were ya? Did you go to Belgium?"
Buffy:"Why would I go to Belgium?"
Xander:"I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you? Belgium."

Buffy:"Oh no. I have to go take an English make up exam. They give you credit just for speaking it, right?"

Buffy:"First rule of slaying, don't die."

Buffy:"Scream later, stake now."

Buffy:"Oh, I just threw a few things together."
Cordelia:"When did you become Martha Stewart?"
Buffy:"First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand cut prosciutto."

Cordelia:"I bet it's nothing, they're probably just making out."
Willow:"That's not what making out sounds like... unless I'm doing it wrong."

Oz:"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there's a new Slayer in town."

Cordelia:"I get it! Not the horny thing, yuck. But the two slayer thing. There was one, and Buffy died for like two minutes. So then Kendra was called. And when she died, Faith was called."

Cordelia:"What is it with you and Slayers? Maybe I should dress up as one and put a stake to your throat."
Xander:"Please God, don't let that be sarcasm."

Faith:"So, it's about 118 degrees and I'm sleeping without a stick on. And all of the sudden I hear this screaming from outside, so I go tearing out, stark nude. And this church is broke down and there's these three vamps feasting on half the Babtist in south Boston, so I waste the vamps and the preacher comes up and he's hugging me like there's no tomorrow. When all of the sudden the cops pull up and they arrested us both."
Xander:"Wow, they should film that story and show it every Christmas."

Faith:"Isn't it crazy how slaying just always makes you hungry and horny?"

Faith:"Hey, as long as you don't go scratching at me or humping my leg, we're five by five, you know?"

Buffy:"Maybe I should introduce you again. Faith, this is Giles."
Faith:"I've seen him. If I would have known they came that young and cute, I would have requested a transfer.
"Buffy:"Raise your hand if eww."

Faith:"What are you getting so strung up for B?"
Buffy:"Why are your lips still moving F?"
Faith:"Did I just hear a threat?"
Buffy:"Would you like to?"
Faith:"Wow, think you can take me?"

Faith:"Gee, if doing violence to vampires upsets you, I think you're in the wrong line of work."

Willow:"Hey, did you do that little half smile thing?" Buffy:"Look, I'm not trying to snare Scott Hope. I just want to get my life back. You know, do normal stuff."
Willow:"Like date?"
Xander:"Oh, you wanna date. I saw that half smile, you little slut. Oww."

Faith:"All men are beasts."

Xander:"Oh, not to freak. I rested my eyes now and then, that's all."
Giles:"How long exactly did you rest your eyes for?" Xander:"A little now, a little then. But I never heard Oz leave and he was here in the morning when I um... I um..."
Giles:"Woke up!"
Xander:"You can put it that way if you want to Mr. Technical."

Buffy:"Do you really love Xander?"
Cordelia:'Well, he kinda grows on you, like... a Chia Pet."

Faith:"Come on. We'll find a couple of studs, use them, and discard them. That's always fun."

Xander:"Buffy and Faith are in the library getting all sweaty."
Cordelia:"They're training."
Xander:"I stand by my phrase."

Cordelia:"This whole trying to be like me really isn't funny anymore."
Buffy:"I was never trying to be like you and when was it funny?"
Cordelia:"I don't see why your pathetic need to recapture your glory days gives you the right to splinter my vote."
Buffy:"How can you think that it's okay to talk to people like this? And do you have parents?"
Cordelia:"Yeah, two of them. Unlike some people."
Buffy:"Your brain isn't even connected to your mouth, is it?"
Cordelia:"Why don't you do us both a favor and stay out of my way."
Buffy:"Don't ever do that again."
Cordelia:"You're sick, you know that?"
Xander:"Okay, let's not say something that we'll regret later."
Cordelia:"You crazy freak."
Buffy:"Vapid whore."
Xander:"Like that."
Cordelia:"What did you call me?"

Xander:"It just when I look at you now, it's like I'm seeing you for the first time."

Faith:"Scott, there you are, honey. Hey, good news. The doctor said that the itching, the swelling, and the burning should clear up. But we gotta keep using the ointment."

Giles:"We have to find Buffy, something terrible has happened.Just kidding, thought I'd give you a scare."

Buffy:"I realize this is gonna sound funny coming from someone who spent a lot of time kicking your face, but you can trust me."

Buffy:"You were spying on me? What gives you the right?"
Cordelia: What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?"
Buffy:"It was an accident."
Xander:"What? You just tripped and fell on his lips?"
Buffy:"It was wrong. Okay, I know that and I know that it can't happen again. But you guys have to believe me I would never put you in any danger. If I thought for a second that Angel was gonna hurt anyone..."
Xander:"You'd stop him. Like you did last time with Miss Calendar."

Buffy:"How are you?"
Faith:"Five by five."
Buffy:"I'll interpret that as good."

Buffy:"I was going to tell you, I was. It was just that I, I didn't know why he came back. I just wanted to wait."
Xander:"For what? For Angel to go psycho again the next time you give him a happy?"
Buffy:"Look, I'm not going to, we're not together like that."

Faith:"You're confused Twinkie. Let me clear you up. Vampire, slayer, dead vampire. "

Faith:"Excuse me Mary Poppins, but you don't seem to be listening. "

Faith:"Son of a bitch, it's my lucky day. "

Faith:"I can't believe how much I'm gonna kill you."

Xander:"She says he's clean."
Faith:"Well, I say we can't afford find out. I say I deal with this problem right now. I say I slay."
Xander:"Can I come?"

Xander:"Good old Sunnydale library. Fully equipped with references, books, file cards, and weapons."
Xander:"I call crossbow."
Faith:"You got it."

Willow:"What's this?"
Oz:"It's a gift."
Willow:"What's the occasion?"
Oz:"Pretty much you are."

Xander:"Hey, those are from the pier."
Cordelia:"Yeah. I just got 'em developed."
Xander:"There are pictures, of me, in your locker. I never knew I was locker door material."
Cordelia:"Well, just barely. Besides, I look really cute in those picture."

Giles:"What? My gear, no, no, this is basic necessities."
Buffy:"Giles, you pack like me."

Angel:"Buffy, we still need him to find the others."
Buffy:"Need him? He's probably got them locked up at the factory."
Spike:"Hey, how thick do you think I am?"

Spike:"You got any of those marshmallows?"
Joyce:"Let me look."

Spike:"I wish I was dead."
Buffy:"Well, if you close your eyes and wish real hard."
Spike:"Hey, back off."

Spike:"You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children. It's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work it's will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."

Cordelia:"Stay away from me."

Cordelia:"I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale. "

Cordelia:"No, no, no way! I wish us into bizarro-land and you guys are still together?"

Cordelia:"What's up with you two and the leather?"

Cordelia:"I can not win!"
Xander:"Probably not, but I'll give you a head start."

Willow:"This is the part that's less fun... when there isn't any screaming."

Xander:"Well, I'll be enjoying my annual Christmas Eve campout. See, I take my sleeping bag outside and I go to sleep on the grass. Yeah, I like to look at the stars, feel the whole nature vibe."
Cordelia:"I thought you slept outside to avoid your family's drunken Christmas fights."
Xander:"Yes, and that was a confidence I was hoping you would share with everyone."

Buffy:"I like the lights."
Faith:"Yeah, 'tis the season. Whatever that means."

Faith:"That one is for your mom. They're pretty crappy."
Joyce:"Faith, you made it. Oh that is so thoughtful."
Faith:"They're crappy."

Xander:"Angel, weird? What are the odds?"

Jenny Calendar:"You have no idea what you're dealing with."
Buffy:"Let me guess, is it evil?"

Buffy:"Mom, dead people are talking to you. Do the math."

Xander:"Ah man, it's Nazi Germany and I've got Playboys in my locker."

Cordelia:"I came over here to tell Buffy to stop this craziness and found you all unconscious... again. How many times have you been knocked out anyway? I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma."
Giles:"Wake up in a...oh, nevermind."

Cordelia:"I think I like the two little ones more than the one big one?"

Buffy:"Did I get it? Did I get it?"

Cordelia:"What's going on? Oh God, is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending I'm not gonna bother."
Giles:"You can't walk home alone Buffy, it isn't safe."
Buffy:"I don't know you."
Cordelia:"Did something take her memory? He's Giles. Gi-les. He hangs out here a lot."
Buffy:"Cordelia, could you please drive me home?"
Cordelia:"Of course. But if the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note."

Xander:"Give you a hand with that little lady?"
Buffy:"You're loving this far too much."
Xander:"Admit it. Sometimes you just need a big strong man. Will, give me a hand with that."

Xander:"Excuse me? Who at the crucial moment distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?"
Faith:"Yeah, that was real manly how you shrieked and all."
Xander:"I think you'll find that was more of a bellow."

Buffy:"What is this?"
Xander:"What do you mean what is this? It's my thing."
Willow:"Your thing?"
Buffy:"Is this a penis metaphor?"
Xander:"It's my thing that makes me cool. You know, that makes me unique. I'm car guy, guy with the car."

Faith:"She got me really wound up. A fight like that and no kill. I'm about ready to pop."
Xander:"Really? Pop?"
Faith:"You up for it?"
Xander:"Oh, I'm up. I'm suddenly very up. It's just um... I've never been up with people before."
Faith:"Just relax. Take your pants off."
Xander:"Those two concepts are antithetical."
Faith:"Don't worry, I'll steer you around the curves."
Xander:"Did I mention that I'm having a very strange night."

Faith:"That was great, I gotta shower."

Giles:"I always have a jelly. I'm the one that says let's have jelly in the mix."

Faith:"Tell me if you don't get in a good slaying, after a while you just start itching for some vamp to show up so you can give him a good uhhh."
Buffy:"Again with the grunting. You realize I'm not comfortable with this."

Buffy:"I hate it when they drown me."

Cordelia:"That's so cute, planning life as a loser. Most people just turn out that way, but you're really taking charge."
Xander:"The comedy stylings of Miss Cordelia Chase everyone. Who incidentally won't be needing a higher education when she markets her own very successful line of hooker-wear."

Buffy:"How come your eye twitches every time I say Faith's name?"
Xander:"What? No it doesn't."
Xander:"Cut it out. We got a test to take, okay? I'm highly caffeinated and I'm trying to concentrate. Some of us actually care about school, you know?"

Faith:"When are you gonna get this B? The life of a Slayer is very simple. Want. Take. Have."

Cop:"Good, now cuff 'em."
Faith:"I like him. He's butch."

Buffy:"I know what you're feeling because I'm feeling it too."
Faith:"Do you? So fill me in, I'd like to hear this."
Buffy:"Dirty. Like something sick creept inside you and you can't get it out. And you keep hoping that it was some nightmare, but it wasn't. And we are gonna have to figure out..."
Faith:"Is there gonna be an intermission in this?"

Faith:"Finally decided to tie me up, huh? I always knew you weren't a one Slayer guy."

Faith:"That thing with Xander, I know what it looked like, but we were just playing."
Angel:"And he forgot the safety word. Is that it?"
Faith:"Safety words are for wusses."

Faith:"Goodie for you. If we're gonna party, let's get on with it. Otherwise, could you let me out of these things?"
Angel:"Faith, you have a choice. You've tasted something few ever do. To feel without remorse is to feel like a god."
Faith:"Right now all I feel is a cramp in my wrist, so let me go."
Angel:"But you're not a god. You're not much more than a child. Going down this path will ruin you. You can't imagine the price for true evil."
Faith:"Yeah? I hope evil takes MasterCard."

Faith:"You don't give up, do you?"
Buffy:"Not on my friends, no."

Faith:"You sent your boy to kill me."
Mayor:"That's right, I did."
Faith:"He's dust."
Mayor:"I thought he might be, with what you standing here and all."
Faith:"I guess that means that you have a job opening."

Mayor:"Of course I am. No slayer of mine's going to live in fleabag hotel. That place has a very unsavory reputation. There are immoral liasons going on there."
Faith:"Yeah, plus all the screwing."

Anya:"What a day. Give me a beer."
Bartender:"ID. ID."
Anya:"I'm 120 years old. Just give me a frickin' beer!"
Anya:"Give me a Coke."

Cordelia:"Wait. It occurs to me that we've never really had the opportunity to talk. You know, woman to woman. With you locked up."
Evil Willow:"Don't want to talk. Hungry."
Cordelia:"What could we talk about...Hey! How about the ethics of boyfriend stealing?"

Xander:"So, in your reality, I'm like this bad ass vampire, huh? People afraid of me? Oh yeah, I'm bad."