Jerry Springer walks out looking a bit nervous, he forces a smile on his face and says:
Jerry: Hello and welcome to another great episode of my show. Today we have the cast of Final Fantasy 3 here to confront the characters of Final Fantasy 8. So lets bring out our first guest!! Meet Edgar Figaro, a character of FF3 who enjoys machines, tools, and uh.. Women in tight bikini’s.
The women of the audience boo as Edgar walks out, bows, and takes his seat in the center of the stage.
Jerry: Welcome to the show Edgar, what brings you to us?
Edgar: Hi Jerry, I’m here to express my anger to those FF8 jerks. They’re worse then the FF7 ones!! So conceited and jealous of everything. They bad mouth us to all the video game magazine’s. I mean just look at the review in “Gamepro” we got because of them!!
Jerry: I see, what do you plan to say to them?
Edgar: I plan to tell then to back off and leave one of the greatest Final Fantasy’s and RPG’s alone!! And to stop being so rude to the lovely, beautiful ladies of our game.
Jerry: Sounds like a plan. Let’s bring out Squall Leonhart of FF8!!
Edgar:(wide-eyed and scared) No not yet wait till the rest of the FF3 cast comes out!!
Squall rushes on stage with his hand already in a fist, Edgar tries to block but can’t as Squall wails on him insanely. The bouncer’s watch and laugh for a minute before separating them.
Jerry: Hello Squall glad to have you back to the show. You’ve heard what Edgar has said, what do you have to say about it?
Squall:(Looking quite angry) Well Jerry I plan to kick this 36-bit goon’s ass harder then I did to that Cloud Strife guy!! Ha ha ha ha!!
Edgar nearly faints and clings to his chair. Squall is much taller and stronger then him. He tries hard not to shiver with fright.
Jerry: I hardly think violence is necessary Squall.
Squall:(Pulls out his gun blade) Thats what you think Jerry my man!!
Edgar ducks beneath his chair as Squall comes rushing at him. He whimpers softly like a puppy. Just as Squall’s about to hack his head off a voice calls out:
Voice: Ice 3!!
Within seconds Squall is caught in a huge block of ice. Terra Branford and Celes Chere walk on to the stage.
Terra:(Hands on her hips) Edgar you wuss!!
Celes:(Laughing) That was easier then I thought!!
Suddenly another voice cries:
Voice: Aero!!
Terra and Celes scream as they are thrown into the audience by a huge gust of powerful wind. Meanwhile the bouncer’s hack wildly at the huge ice cube that was once Squall. The owner of the voice, Quistis Trepe, walks on to the stage and sits in Squall’s old seat.
Quistis:(Glances at her nails and then Jerry) Hey Jerry hows it hanging?
Jerry: Low and lazy Quistis. How do you feel about Squall becoming a popsicle?
Quistis: Not to thrilled about it, but maybe Rinoa will shut up about him for more then five minutes.
From offstage Rinoa’s voice cries: Hey!!
Edgar: Ha!! Look at her Jerry!! And those snobs called our FF3 girls ugly!! Look at her hair!! It looks like melted cheese with a silver clip stuck in it!!
Quistis:(Face flaming red) Yeah well thats not what your brother said in the hotel room last night!!
Crowd: Ooooooooo!! Jerry!! Jerry!!
Edgar:(Looks shocked) Sabin!! Get some before me?
Quistis:(With a smile on her face) Were going out tomorrow night!!
Edgar faints and the bouncer’s carry him backstage. Sabin strolls out in his place and Quistis quickly sits on his lap.
As she does this, Celes and Terra manage to finally climb back on to the stage. Their jaws drop at what they see.
Celes: Sabin!! Get her off!! Your suppose to be on our side!!
Sabin:(Blushing) Yes well shes good in bed!!
Crowd: Oooooooo!! Jerry!! Jerry!!
Terra:(Eyes wide) Her!? You told me I was da bomb the day before we got here!! You male slut!!
Everyone including Celes gasps as Terra leaps on Quistis and Sabin and begins pummeling them both. Celes soon joins in by pulling Quistis’s hair as Terra lands a few blows in Sabin’s face.
Jerry:(Sighing) Well..were getting no where today, tune in tomorrow. Perhaps we can get some real talking done!! Till then take care of yourselves!!
Jerry ducks as a chair thrown by Celes sails over his head. The crowd cheers louder as the beat down continues on stage until the camera fades to a commercial.....
THE END!?
