Now don't be confused. This doesn't mean that these people are unskilled. In fact, they are quite skilled in their field, which has become officially known as "joke botching." Before you go getting jealous of these artists, just know that you too can be terrible at telling jokes. In fact, with just a little practice and observation, you can be the worst joke-teller in your neighborhood. Your mom will be so proud.
Consider this your first lesson. Below are two jokes that aren't very good to begin with, but with that spark of genius can become some of the worst jokes ever told. Observe the technique and see if you can follow the example.
Not bad, right? Just wait.
Botched Joke
"So this guy walks into a bar, and he looks around and there's these M&M's on the bar stool. So he sits down and starts eating them when . . . oh, wait, they were pistachios. So these pistachios were red and green, and the guy was an artist, so he knew his color wheel and that green and red were definitely complimentary. No, wait, that's not it. Okay, he eats some pistachios, and says to the bartender 'hey, buddy, nice tie.' The bartender looks at the pistachios and says . . . oh, no no, they were actually peanuts. So he looks at the peanuts and says to the guy 'did those peanuts talk to you?' The guys says no. I mean, the guy says I thought they were complimentary."
Okay, that was just terrible. But note the technique, the quality craftsmanship that goes into such a botchery. Let's look at another case.
Just in case you didn't get that, the Asian guy interpreted it "Fluck you Asians" which is not what the woman said. Herein lies the humour of the joke. Now for the cremation of the humour of the joke.
Botched Joke
"So this Asian guy goes into a currency exchange place, and there's this skinhead behind the counter who gives him $60 for the 100 yen that the Asian guy gives him. No, wait, it was a regular old woman. So anyway, the Asian guy comes back a week later after his daddy sent him money from home to buy the groceries for the week for the Happy Garden restaurant which the Asian happened to be entrepreneuring. So he gives this other guy at the currency exchange the 100 yen and gets $50 back. So the Asian guy says 'this woman give me $60 last week, why $50 this week?' So the currency exchange guy finds the chick who gave him the money last week. She's pretty racist, so when the Asian guy asks why he get less this week, she flips him off and says 'F**** you Americans!' So the Asian guy says 'Well, fluctuations too!' I mean . . . oh, nevermind it's not worth it."
There you have it, the art of succesfully butchering any joke you come into contact with. Many thanks to Milkman Dan for the original jokes, and many thanks to me for rewriting them . . . I mean to that guy I know who's really bad about telling jokes. Just remember that you don't have to admit you used this method to learn to be that bad at telling jokes. Many people have it naturally, and if you don't tell anyone that I made up those "alternate" jokes, this whole thing will be "our little secret."
