To have fun, give your friends this 70-question test about computers & tricky living.
Here are the questions and answers. You also see which pages discuss the answers, in the 33rd edition of the Secret Guide to Computers & Tricky Living.
Computers
Which 4 major companies changed the Fn key, so it works in reverse? Microsoft, HP, Lenovo, and Toshiba (page 36)
Which choice did the Anniversary Update remove from the Windows 10 Start menu? "All apps" (page 69)
In WordPad (and MS Word), how can you type "é" by using the Ctrl key? Press Ctrl with apostrophe, then type the e. (page 78)
When discussing Internet companies, what are a "pure play," a "story stock," and a "dot snot"? Internet-only company, exciting company that's made no profit yet, annoying kid who manages an Internet company (page 136)
What are these Websites for: Snopes, Zillow, Pandora, WolframAlpha? Rumor debunking, real-estate valuations, music radio, calculations (page 145)
Define ROTFL, LMAO, and YOLO. Rolling on the floor laughing, laughing my ass off, you only live once (page 154)
Define "advance-fee scam," "phishing," and "word salad." You're promised riches but must pay a fee first, a fake Website steals your identity, extra words in email make spam filters think the topic is legitimate (page 161)
If the Start button's in wrong corner, how can you move it? Point at the taskbar's middle, then drag. (page 176)
How can you empty the printer queue? Double-click the taskbar's printer icon. Click "Printer," "Cancel All Documents." (page 179)
On an iPad or iPhone (or Android), how can you type "é"? Rest your finger on the E, then slide to é. (page 191)
What does the word "Samsung" literally mean in the Korean language? 3 stars (page 203)
On the Samsung Galaxy S7, where's the hidden "undo" button? To the right of the Home button (page 214)
How can you make MS Word translate to Spanish & Chinese? Right-click in the document. Click "Translate," follow prompts. (page 235)
What word does Microsoft use instead of "alphabetize"? Sort (page 241)
Which program suggests you commit suicide with a hammer? Analiza 2 (page 311)
Health
What's "jungle grease," and should you eat it? It's tropical oil and too high in saturated fat. (page 331)
In what way is turkey healthier than chicken?Turkey contains less saturated fat. (page 332)
If your food's too spicy, what should you drink? Milk (page 332)
In what way is "light" tuna healthier than "white" tuna? Light tuna contains less mercury. (page 338)
In diner slang, what are "frog sticks," "cow paste," and "blonde with sand"? French fries, butter, coffee with cream&sugar (page 340)
What are the advantages of sleeping face up, face down, and facing left? Face up for infants & comfort, face down for improved breathing & masturbation, face left to stop acid reflux & leg spasms (page 341)
Which sexual activity is most likely to transmit AIDS? Anal sex (page 342)
Daily survival
What's the best time of day to water a lawn? 4:30AM (page 349)
In freezing weather, why should you turn on your car's air conditioner? To defog the windshield (page 351)
Whose truck has this sign: "Let us remove your shorts"? An electrician (page 358)
Intellectuals
How can you make your teacher stand at the window while lecturing? Look more interested when the teacher stands there. (page 364)
How did a horse learn to give correct answers about square roots? He looked at the questioner's stance. (page 364)
On which day of the week are you most likely to commit suicide? Sunday (page 365)
Why does the government permit DHMO in your food? It's water. (page 368)
What's the fastest way to make seven an even number? Remove the s. (page 369)
Arrange 10 coins so they form 5 rows, each containing 4 coins. On a 5-pointed star, put coins at the 10 corners. (page 369)
How can you "prove" teachers can't give surprise tests? If the promised test were on the course's last day, it would no longer be a surprise. Work backwards from there. (page 370)
What famous non-zero number, when squared, gives zero? Epsilon, which is infinitesimal (page 380)
Arts
Picasso & friends said bad artists copy but good artists do what instead? Steal (page 381)
What's the most popular music composition in the whole world? The Happy Birthday song (page 382)
What famous tune is beautiful, sad, and contains just C, E, and G? Taps (page 382)
What famous actors were born as "Marion Morrison" and "Issur Danielovitch"? John Wayne and Kirk Douglas (page 387)
What short English sentence is the hardest to pronounce? The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick. (page 394)
What's greater than God, more evil than the devil, and if you eat it you die? nothing (page 399)
Government
In 2016, which Presidential candidate wore a boot on his head? Vermin Love Supreme (page 407)
In 2016, which major candidate had a doctorate from Harvard? Yale? Ted Cruz from Harvard, Hillary Clinton from Yale (page 408)
Louis C.K. said: if Bernie Sanders were a pilot, Bernie would do what? Fly to every passenger's house, to be fair to all. (page 413)
Why did President Harry Truman want a one-armed economist? He was tired of economists saying "On the other hand..." (page 417)
How did Will Rogers define "diplomacy"? Say "nice doggie" until you can find a rock. (page 421)
American cultures
When the devil is beating his wife, what's the weather? Raining while sun shines (page 425)
What do Texans mean when they "split the sheets"? Divorce (page 426)
When you hear a Kentuckian say "can," what does he really mean? Can't (page 426)
Which of the 50 states is closest to Africa? Maine (page 427)
Which state has no sales tax, no income tax, and requires no driver license? New Hampshire (page 428)
Foreign cultures
Which is farther north: Venice (in Italy) or Halifax (in Canada)? Venice (page 435)
Why do German women like cockroaches more than Americans? The German word for "cockroach" is "kitchen scraper." (page 436)
Why is Hewlett-Packard's nickname, "HP," embarrassing in Spanish? It means "son of a prostitute." (page 437)
In Spain, are computers male or female? What about Latin America? Female in most of Latin America, male in Spain and parts of Columbia & Chile (page 438)
In French, what do God, kids, and criminals have in common? They're all called "tu." (page 438)
How do you say "apple pie" in Japanese? Appuru pai (page 439)
When reading pinyin Chinese, how should you pronounce q, x, and c? Ch, sh, and ts (page 440)
What does "No Naked Light" mean? No cigarettes or other exposed flame (page 444)
Why does a Chinese driver turn on his left blinker to go straight? To warn he's passing cars that are in slower lanes (page 450)
Fill in the blank: "Guangzhou people eat every 4-legged thing except ______." A table (page 453)
Donna's comments
Why shouldn't you give a Chinese person a clock or a green hat? A clock means a funeral. A green hat means a cuckold. (page 457)
According to Chinese tradition, who gets blamed if you're uneducated? Your father (page 459)
Morals
Who said "Be the change you wish to see in the world"? Mahatma Gandhi (page 477)
Who decided "It's okay to be nice to blacks, if you don't make a point of it"? The Supreme Court (page 478)
Why do Jews prefer to eat at Chinese restaurants? Chinese restaurants provide ethnic adventures that aren't kosher. (page 487)
Why is football more Jewish than baseball? Football requires more strategy than baseball. (page 489)
Sex
What is Candice Bergen's advice about how to fake an orgasm? 10 seconds of heavy breathing, roll your head from side to side, simulate a slight asthma attack, and die a little (page 500)
Why do women say, "Men are like chocolate bars"? Men & chocolate are sweet, smooth, and head right for your hips. (page 502)
Programming
Which computer language got its name from a comedy show? Python
What does the abbreviation "PHP" stand for? How about "APL"? Personal Home Page, A Programming Language (page 643)
How many bits are in a nibble, an Ascii character, a Unicode character? 4 bits in a nibble, 7 in an Ascii character, 8 or 16 or 24 or 32 in a Unicode character (page 665)
To learn more about the Secret Guide to Computers & Tricky Living, look at www.SecretFun.com.