ME: Oh yeah! Let's go in the back yard, cough and hack them down, putting tons of nasty stuff in our lungs, so that, in twenty years or so, we can go to the doctor and have him cut holes in our throats, just so we can breathe!

TOGETHER: LET"S DO IT!!!!!!!

Yeah right, like anyone actually says that. Although, they might as well, you know. I mean, look around... just about every where something or other is telling you, in no uncertain terms, just why cigarettes are bad for your health, giving reasons to quit.

Yet, as you have probably noticed, unless you live on Mars or in some Third World country, people are still smoking. Why is that? Is it because some people (If you can imagine) actually enjoy cigarettes...

SMOKER: (COUGH) Give me (WHEEZE) anouther (HACK) smoke, Harold (COUGH)...

...or is it because of a chemical called Nicotine (Drum roll, Please....The correct answer is....Nicotine! Thank you for playing!) Nicotine is a natural addictive substance found in tobacco (the before mentioned "plant"). this stuff is so potent that tests have shown that it is easier to stop using illegal drugs than it is to stop smoking.

Let's go back to our handy, dandy, money grubbing Government. In order to make money...oops..what I had ment to say was, in order to courageously save the American people from the dirty plauge that smoking causes (Okay, okay, I admit it! I am laying this on a little thick...but hey! It is the federal Government we're talking about here and, as all you "there-is-a-conspricy-going-on-here-" people know, they're every where), the govenment invented a way to help people quit. What I am talking about is namly...the Nicotine Patch. The way this modern marvel os science works is, in order to help you stop smoking and putting Nicotine into your system, the patch, and I am completely serious, puts even more Nicotine into your blood stream.

Don't ask me why or how this is supposed to help you in any way at all, because the simple fact of the matter is...I have no idea. Yet somehow, some way this system actually works. In fact, it was (and still is) a screaming success. but people were ( and still are) smoking. So the Government did the next best thing to make money... (sorry again!) they did the next best thing to help the American public, they "jacked up" the price of cigarettes ( I really don't see how was supposed to help anyone though). They also did one other thing in that period of time, they forced cigarette companies to stop advertising on television and radio. The reason for this action was characters like Joe Camel (get ready for this, because you simply won't believe it!) influnced teens to smoke.

When I had first heard about this, I believe the first word that came out of my mouth was something along the lines of "HUH!?". I mean, have you actually seen Joe Camel? What he is, is a fictional, badly drawn, supposedly "cool", smoking, cartoon...Camel.

Come on...a camel? Are you people serious? Do you people honestly think that teens are having conversations like this...

TONY: You mean Joe, the one who smokes the totally righteous Camel brand cigarettes?

TANYA:That's him!

TONY:I'm going to the store right now to buy some, so I can be exactly like him!

TANYA: I'll go with you so we can be cool together!

TOGETHER: WAAAAY COOOOOL!!!!!!!

Yeah right! I have never seen anyone carry on a conversation like that. No teen actually thinks that way, and I should know, I am a teen!

But the Government, and half a dozen groups with names like "L.U.N.G." and "S.I.B.( a.k.a. Smoking Is Bad)", seem to think so. They seem to think that teens are so stupid and impresionable enough to believe, think and want to do every thing that we see on television. Needless to say, that particular tactic failed miserably.

So the Government did the only two things that they knew how: spend a grotesquely large amount of money for programs to make people aware of the hazards of smoking (As if they couldn't already figure that one out) and they rose the price of cigarettes again and again and again and again... Well, in a relatively short time, for the Government that is, they figured out that this tactic wasn't going to work.

That was when the Government decided to let people sue cigarette companies and tobacco farmers. And what, pray tell, could those people possibly sue for...? Health problems having to do with cigarettes!? Okay, so these companies make cigarettes, and yes, they sell them... But no one, absolutely no one from any of those companies forced any one to purchase and smoke cigarettes. If there is something wrong with a product, it is the consumer's right to sue the company. With cigarettes, you get exactly what you are promised. I mean, right on the box, there's a warning that tells you they're dangerous and detramental to your health. So, who ever is sueing the companies for health problems having to do with cigarettes, brought it on to themselves. People have the right to choose and if they choose to smoke cigarettes, despite the fact that they were warned, then it's their own damn fault and I don't feel sorry for them.

And while they're at it, why don't they sue Florida? After all, you have to pay to go to Florida and you have to buy cigarettes. Cigarettes advertise (ie: You've got to have Merit) and Florida advertisies (ie: Welcome to the Sunshine State). And lastly, you can get lung cancer from cigarettes and you can get skin cancer from going to Florida. So, if your going to sue cigarette companies for lung cancer, why not sue Florida for skin cancer?

But I digress. The Government is now demanding even more money from these companies. Now I admit, cigarettes are dirty, foul things, but you really can't blame the companies. They are just trying to run a business, to make a little money for themselves, support their families...and what's so wrong with that? What's so wrong with trying to make a profit? I mean business is the foundation of this country today. We are corperate America. And it is corperations like gun and cigarette and auto moble manufacturers that keep people like you and me off the streets. Besides, "buisness is business is business" and not one thing is going to change that.

In closing, I would just ask that you go on with your lives. Don't make other peoples bad habits your problem simply because you want some thing to fight against. If you want something to fight against, join one of those, "Save the Animals" groups or something, but leave smoking alone. It's far more trouble than it's worth.

And remember..."Make Love, Not War."