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LIFE ISN'T FAIR!
Life isn't fair to men. Thought 2: The mourners are wondering too.
When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
The average man's life consists of twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going;
forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
And at the end,
NOPE!
Nope
A farmer stood leaning on a fence at the edge of his property. He watched as a red sports car came over the top of a hill and followed the road up to the spot where he stood. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and called out to the farmer.
"Do you know how I can get to Route 91?" the driver asked. The farmer thought for a few seconds. Then he said, "Nope."
"Do you know where the nearest turnpike entrance is?" the driver asked. "Nope," the farmer replied.
"How about the town of Hadley. Do you know which direction it is from here?" "Nope."
Exasperated, the driver raced his engine. "You don't know very much, do you?" he said.
"Nope," the farmer replied. "But I'm not lost."
A husband and wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. The man says to his wife, "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill." She ignored the remark. A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, your butt really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well. Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them. OUCH!!! WILD CAT WARNING!! Do NOT look at the attached picture if you have a weak stomach.
Recently, 3 hikers were walking in the wilderness of northern Alberta. The day was nice, the sun shining and everyone was in generally good spirits. SUDDENLY, from out of nowhere they were viciously attacked by ferocious mountain cat which struck with lightning speed, slashing and devouring the three unwary hikers.
Some time later, game wardens stumbled across the grisly scene and noticed that one of the hikers had a camera and may have managed to snap a picture of the beast before being killed. They quickly brought the camera back to the lab and had the film developed so they could get an idea of what they were dealing with To this day, the picture chills them to the bone.
WILD CAT PICTURE CLICK IF YOU DARE!
One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat."
Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.
Travel through jokes or Back to pick your own
Page 11 comming soon
