Jared's Pick - Movie Reviews: Halloween H20

Halloween H2O

Watching Halloween H2O made me realize how much I underestimated last summer's Scream. I called Scream a decent thriller, but watching some of the other slasher flicks that have been released in its wake only points up how smart and well-crafted Scream really is. There's a reason it did so well at the box office, and why Hollywood has been sweating to copy its success.

In fact, Scream is rather like the original Halloween, released nearly 20 years ago - both films showed how to intelligently combine tension and shock to create real fear, both were among the few horror films to receive positive reviews from critics, and both spawned a slew of crappy horror flicks in their wake. Halloween H20 is a prime example.

All but the most die-hard horror fan is likely to associate the name "Michael Myers" with Austin Powers rather than a pale-faced psychopath, but the filmmakers likely thought that bringing Jamie Lee Curtis (who starred in the first two Halloween pictures) would bring back both the old magic and the old fans. Curtis is the best part of Halloween H2O, but that's not saying much - in fact, the best part is that it's a mercifully short 92 minutes long.

In a way, the length is the problem. To their credit, the editors have kept things moving along briskly, but it's almost too fast. The history of Myers is given a briefing that will be too quick for those unfamiliar with the prequels and silly to those who do:

Cop #1: "Myers is dead!" Cop #2: "But they never found the body….."

That creaky line alone docks this film a full star. While the surprises keep coming fast, there's little time given to character development, so we don't care when people end up dead, and we don't feel genuinely afraid of Myers.

That's the worst blow against Halloween H20 - without a credible villain, all is lost. There are a number of gotcha-type thrills where he jumps out of nowhere, but little real tension is built. And here's the odd thing: if Myers were a vampire or walking corpse, it might have been more believable and therefore scarier. If you're the type of person who likes horror movies, you either have a helium-based sense of disbelief or a honed sense of camp. If you can accept that a monster is undead, then it becomes more frightening, because how can you stop it? Myers is simply a psychotic human, and I know that gives you superhuman strength according to horror rules, but still - Myers gets bashed in the skull by a rock, stabbed repeatedly, hit by a car, thrown off a 30-foot balcony, and he keeps getting up and shambling forth. We know he's just a man, so instead of terrifying, he becomes a cartoon character, and the potency of fear is lost.

There's a sort of plot twist at the end that I won't reveal - actually, not a twist as much as a development that will be of interest only to the loyal Halloween fan, and rather predictable to the casual observer. The too-tidy ending, rushed editing and superficial character development make Halloween H2O feel more like a made-for-TV movie. Incidentally, there's no particular body of water in the film, making the title rather puzzling - I suppose it's meant to reference the 20 years it has been since the first Halloween. The series has only sunk since - do yourself a favor and stick to the original.

- Jared O'Connor

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