“Hello, and welcome to a very special episode of Jerry Springer. Today we have Edward, who is a cop with the UNH police. Welcome Edward.”
     The audience cheered as a somewhat short but muscular and well built man waved to them. He had short brown hair, blue eyes, a small mustache and goatee and was dressed in a police uniform.
     “It’s great to be here Jerry,” Edward said.
     “So, what brings you to the show?” Jerry asked.
     “Well Jerry, there’s this girl I like. Her name’s Lina. Anyway, I went on a date with her one night and it was a disaster. She made a pig of herself at the all you can eat buffet, she had the rudest table manners I’ve ever seen. When I got the check I nearly had a heart attack since she ate so much. Then, when the date was over and I began to make my move she fireballed me and then walked home.”
     “You said she fireballed you?”
     “Yes Jerry, I did. Lina is a sorceress.”
     The audience gasped when they heard this.
     “Let’s meet Edward’s date. Lina, come on out!”
     A short girl with long red hair and violet eyes stepped out from the wings. At first glance one would think she was too young, but when Jerry revealed that Lina was close to 20 years old the audience gasped. They gasped again when Lina struck Edward with a monovolt and called him a pervert before she sat down.
     “Welcome Lina,” Jerry said as he ducked a fireball which toasted half of the back three rows of people, “Well, I can tell you’re not too happy to see Edward.”
     “Why the hell should I be happy to see this hentai pervert?!” Lina demanded, “He took me to dinner and had a conniption when he got the bill. Then he expects me to give out because he bought me dinner.”
     “I did not!”
     “Bull! You were practically all over me. You ought to be glad all I did was hit you with a fireball and not a Dragon Slave.”
     The audience oohed and awwwwed as Lina told her side of the story. Lina turned to the audience and said, “Shut the hell up, will ya?!” as she formed a sphere of blood red energy. The audience went silent and Lina tossed the Gaav Flare off to the side, blowing a hole in a wall.
     “So, how did this date get set up?” Jerry asked.
     “It was a favor to her friend Sylphiel,” Edward said.
     “She’s hardly my friend,” Lina said, “she’s more of an acquaintance or a sidekick.”
     “Well, she’s here. Come on out Sylphiel!” Jerry said.
     Sylphiel stepped from around a corner, stepping over the rocks from the hole in the wall. the minute she set foot on stage Lina had her hands around Sylphiel’s throat and Sylphiel pinned to the floor. Security moved in to break up the cat fight, but backed off when Lina hurled a Burst Rondo in their direction.
     “You little tramp!” Lina growled, “This is all YOUR fault!”
     “You wanted the information he had,” Sylphiel growled back, “You wanted to help Alex!”
     “You never told me he was such a lecherous pervert! He’s worse than Xellos!”
     “I didn’t know he was such a perv. Now will you kindly release my throat? It’s hard to breathe.”
     Lina released the somewhat shaken shrine maiden and the two moved to the center of the stage and took their seats. Jerry moved to the center of the audience once more and stared in awe as Lina and Sylphiel both picked Edward up and hurled him through the air and through the brick wall behind them. They regained their seats as Jerry regained his composure since he hadn’t seen destruction to the studio like this since a certain Warrior Pluto blasted his way out through the roof.
     “Errrr..... ok,” Jerry said, still shaken, “there is a certain guy who both of you are interested in, am I right?”
     “That’s right Jerry,” Lina said, “his name is Gourry.”
     “We’re both in love with him for different reasons,” Sylphiel said, “but we’re in love with him.”
     “Well, he’s here. Come on out Gourry.”
     Gourry stepped from the wings and walked onto the stage dressed in black leather boots, black leather pants, a black silk shirt, and a black leather coat. To top off the outfit he wore a pair of dark glasses. First he lifted Sylphiel from her seat and kissed her passionately. Next he lifted Lina from her seat and kissed her passionately as well. The two women hauled off and decked him, knocking him to the floor. Jerry looked to his security people, who shook their heads and resigned on the spot. Once Lina and Sylphiel finished pounding the snot out of Gourry Jerry resumed.
     “Now Gourry, you said you had a secret to tell these two?”
     “Question from the audience,” a man with shoulder length violet hair shouted. Jerry tossed the man a microphone.
     “Who are you and what’s the question?”
     “I’m Xellos and I know Gourry’s secret!”
     Lina mumbled something and Xellos was catapulted into orbit by a Dill Brand. Sylphiel and Gourry were both confused and decided not to get involved. Xellos phased back in a moment later, slightly charred.
     “Arigato Lina. Anyway, Gourry has been sleeping with Zelgadis!”
     The audience began to gasp, but when Lina began to incant the Dragon Slave they stopped. The audience members around Xellos moved out of the way as Lina finished the spell and blasted Xellos through the back wall, destroying a few seats on the way out. Xellos phased back in a moment later, a little crispier than he was a moment earlier. Jerry contemplated running away, but stuck with it.
     “Uh... well, we have Zelgadis here. Come on out Zel.”
     Zelgadis stepped from the opposite wing from the others. Gourry stood up and the two kissed in the middle of the stage. Lina and Sylphiel gasped when they saw Zel was wearing all silk and a pair of loafers with no socks. The moment the two began kissing a small form leapt from the audience and drop kicked Gourry across the studio and through a wall before landing on Zel’s back and pinning him to the ground. It didn’t take long for the others to identify the person.
     “A.... Amelia?” Lina gasped.
     “Miss Amelia?” Sylphiel asked in a puzzled tone.
     “Taking Mister Zelgadis from me is wrong and unjust so I’m here to right this injustice!” Amelia said.
     “Will you get off of me,” Zelgadis said, “your high heels are digging into my back.”
     “Oh, sorry Mister Zelgadis,” Amelia said, stepping from Zel’s back and helping him to his feet. The two then made out before the studio audience, who ooohed and ahhhed. they then whooped it up when Amelia tore her clothes off and straddled Zelgadis.
     “This is NOT good,” Lina sighed, holding her hand to her temples.
     “No kidding Miss Lina,” Sylphiel said, “this is turning into a lemon fic.”
     Lina grumbled, her eyes glowing red. As she stood on a chair to begin the invocation of a spell Alex walked in from a side entrance and joined Xellos in the audience.
     “Did I miss anything?” he asked, looking at all of the destruction around the studio and the rather irritated sorceress who was summoning the power of the Lord of Nightmares.
     “Nothing more than usual,” Xellos said, “they’re acting a little like me, and that’s frightening.”
     “Is that because you’re a twisted hentai mazoku priest?”
     “Don’t even go there.”
     The audience began to file out of the studio in a loud and chaotic fashion, the camera men leaving their posts to save their butts and Jerry making a hasty retreat through one of the holes in the wall. Alex and Xellos sat and watched, rather amused by how people act when Lina begins casting the Giga Slave.
     “She’s getting so she can cast it flawlessly,” Alex said as he formed a barrier to protect them from the blast.
     “And yet the blast craters get larger and larger each time,” Xellos said as he began to phase out, “I’ll watch this from a safe distance. Later.”
     By now Lina had reached the end of the fourth line of the incantation.
     “Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed by the power you and I possess. Giga SLAVE!”
     A pillar of dark energy formed around Lina, which shrank inward for a split second before it exploded into an expanding dome that wiped the studio from the face of the map. When the smoke and dust cleared Alex was sitting in mid air, his barrier spell still in place. Lina was standing on the remains of a chair, clapping dust from her hands. Gourry stood up from a pile of rubble and rubbed his head. Zelgadis and Amelia freed themselves from part of the roof and Zel gave Amelia his jacket to wrap up in. Sylphiel was dazed, confused, and burned to a crisp.
     “And now for my final thought,” Xellos said, standing before the one remaining camera dressed in a business suit. “Never get a sorceress upset with you. If you do, pray it’s not Lina Inverse. If it is her, pray to every deity for help then get as far from her as....”
     “Fireball!!”
     Lina hit Xellos with another fireball, burning him to a crisp. Xellos puffed smoke before he continued.
     “.... possible. Until next time, take care of yourself and those you love.”
     Xellos fell over once he finished his monologue and Lina leapt from her chair to the floor. Amelia had since recovered her skirt and had put it on. Gourry wondered what had happened and Lina smacked him for being a yogurt brain. Alex joined the others and the group left the destroyed studio, a very crispy Xellos still twitching on the floor.
     “So Lina, when can we look forward to your next talk show appearance?” Zelgadis asked, shrugging into his coat.
     “How about NEVER!” Lina said, “I am never going to do that again!”
     Lina’s words echoed across the land as the remains of the studio collapsed behind them in a cloud of dust.