Episode Guide

: Here are all the episodes of our show, South Park. Info. included is name, original air date, description, and ratings.
: Wait a minute, this fatass thinks he can rate our episodes? Who the hell does he think he is?
: Hey Cartman, I don't think you have any place calling him a fat ass.
: Shut up. I'm not fat, I'm big boned.
: Hey, it looks like this guy updates our episode guide after each episode, what consideration.
: You wanna read it?
: No, Marty's movie reviews are on.
: Marty's movie reviews are on? Kiickass!

These are just simple reviews and synopsiseses for the episodes, for the most thorough examination of each episode anywhere, turn to the episode archive. Note: these take a while to put up, so be patient.

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Ratings
10 - A classic. Complete kickass.
9 - Outstanding. Like a big bag of cheesy poofs.
8 - Excellent. Like a slightly smaller bag of cheesy poofs.
7 - Very good. You know, very good.
6 - Good. You know, good.
5 - Fair. Nothing special, good for some mild laughs.
4 - Pretty crappy. Like stale cheesy poofs.
3 - Waste of space. Considering this is comedy central, that says something.
2 - Disgraceful. A vegetable would change the channel.
1 - Vile. Watching it would be like eating a big steaming pile of . . .

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Episode 8 (#109)
Name: Starvin' Marvin
Original Air Date: 11/18/97

Description: It's Thanksgiving at South Park, time for sharing and caring, and also donating crappy canned goods for Kenny's dirt poor family. Also, the crazy geneticist is at it again, and has created crazy turkeys threatening the existance of the town. The boys also give money to that Sally Struthers thing on t.v. for a sports watch, but get an "Ethernopian" nicknamed Starvin' Marvin instead.

Rating: 5. Definately the worst episode yet. Seemed more like an endless parade of cameos with the same jokes and plotline as in previous episodes. Instead of zombies, we had turkeys. There were some good gags, though, like the "Braveheart" spoof (both of them) and Chef's ridicule of that "thing" following the geneticist.

Episode 7 (#107)
Name: Pinkeye
Original Air Date: 10/29/97

Description: It's Halloween at South Park, and the boys are ready to get in costume and get candy. Suddenly, Mir, the space station, falls on Kenny. He is taken to the morgue, where he is accidently turned embalmed with worshester sauce and turns into a zombie. He feeds on other's brains, making them zombies, and so on. The incompetent doctor adds to the insanity by mistaking the affliction for pinkeye. The zombies wreak havoc on the town, zombifying everyone, until Kyle kills the head zombie, Kenny.

Rating: 8. A damn good episode, and a pleasent reminder of what new episodes are like. Highlights were Chef's hilarious "Thriller" spoof, Kyle coming to the realization that he killed Kenny, and then saying so, and Cartman's whining and Hitler admiration. I must admit, this was the closest to becoming offended I have been in a long time, and that isn't easy!

Episode 6 (#106)
Name: Death
Original Air Date: 9/17/97

Description: Stan's extremely old grampa wants to die, but is too weak to kill himself. So, he asks Stan for help, saying he killed his grandfather when he was his age. Stan won't do it at first, but then helps him to no avail, as Death himself shows up, but is looking for Kenny instead (shocker!). Also, the South Park parents try to get a dirty show (resembling B&B) called Terence and Philip off the air. They act as lemmings killing themselves, but only their explosive diarhea fumes breaks the will of the TV execs.

Rating: 8. Very funny, and a strong finish to a mini-season. Grampa's taunting of Cartman is the show's highlight, but a funny episode all around. With four great episodes and six which are leaps and bounds better than most things on TV, South Park has confirmed its place as being funny as sin. Look for a Halloween episode coming up, and watch the reruns. BEEFCAKE!!

Episode 5 (#105)
Name: An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
Original Air Date: 9/10/97

Description: Well, an elephant makes love to a pig. Why? Because Kyle wants to have a bite sized elephant, and decides to make a pot bellied elephant. But according to Loverboy's song, "Pig and elephant dna just won't splice," pig and elephant dna just won't splice, so chef advises the boys to get the animals drunk, then he seduces them. Meanwhile, Stan's older sister, the evil bitch, keeps kicking his ass, a mad geneticist modeled after Marlan Brando (forgive the spelling) draws blood from Stan and makes a huge evil clone of him which runs rampant on the town, then learning that nature is best left alone to its one-assed schematics, and Kenny gets zapped in a bastard microwave. Got it?

Rating: 10! Possibly the best one yet, re-affirming why I love this show so much. Cartman's rants are hilarious (Ay! Stop making me dress up like a mailman and dance for you while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know in my dad's bed!). Everything about this episode kicked ass. And if you think otherwise, I'LL KICK YOU IN THE NUTS!

Episode 4 (#104)
Name: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride
Original Air Date: 9/3/97

Description: Stan gets a new dog, voiced by George Clooney, and thinks he is the toughest dog in South Park. They try to get him to fight with another male dog. Instead, he anally rapes the dog, and the boys stare in shock, terror, and confusion. Cartman calls the dog a "gay homosexual." Stan tries to get his dog to be straight, but learns homosexuality is ok from Big Gay Al, who has a refuge for gay animals. Also, the town wagers money on the local football game, where Kenny dies.

Rating: 9! The best episode since the first, and truly funny. Nothing was as funny as the first, but the jokes and celebrity cameos (Clooney, Jesus, Brian Boitano, John Stamos' Brother, etc.) kept rolling. Overall, an outstanding episode.

Episode 3 (#102)
Name: Weight gain 4000
Original Air Date: 8/27/97

Description: This episode begins in Mr. Garrison's classroom, where it is announced that Eric Cartman won a national prize for writing a nature essay. Wendy is shocked it wasn't her, is in disbelief it was Cartman, and swears to get to the bottom of it. Meanwhile, the bitch mayor is thoroughly involved in promoting her image through the t.v. publicity. Cartman decides to bulk up upon the mayor's advice, but keeps getting fatter from his weight gain 4000, which contains 4000 grams of saturated fat. We probe deep into Mr. Garrison's psyche through his agony of losing his grade school talent show to Kathy Lee. Mr. Hat goes insane and wants to kill her, and the last straw is drawn when Mr. Garrison is relieved of his duties as play director when he accurately portrays South Park founders knocking the smokem-peace-pipe out of the indians. Mr. Garrison tries to kill Kathy Lee, but hits Kenny instead. He dies. Wendy figures out the mystery of why Cartman won, but no one cares because Kathy Lee left, while she, Stan, and Kyle go eat tuna sandwiches. Cartman gets on t.v. after all, he appears on Geraldo as a fat ass who can't even get out of bed.

Rating: 7. After seeing this episode for a second time, I thought this episode was better than "Volcano." Cartman's conniption might have been the funniest part of any episode. Other funny scenes where a local Southparkian comments on Cartman's fat ass after Kyle's prediction (recycled from soXmas), Kenny's carcass sliding down the flag pole, and Cartman appeared on Geraldo.

Episode 2 (#103)
Name: Volcano
Original Air Date: 8/20/97, 10:00 et

Description: The four boys go hunting with Stan's Uncle Jimbo and his crazy war friend Dan. Stan feels like a "tree-hugger" because he won't kill anything and Kenny is drinking gasoline and using machine guns and grenades to fish. Cartman tells a story about an imaginary monster: Scuzzlebutt, who turns out to be real. He has an arm of celery, a leg that looks like Patrick Duffy, and weaves baskets. He saves the boys from volcanic lava which slams Kenny with a fireball (but he's ok), then rolls on him (but he's ok). The lava is rerouted to denver where it kills thousands, but South Park is alright. Stan then kills the friendly Scuzzlebutt, Dan drops his gun and kills Kenny (at last!) and then the boys confess to not understanding hunting, so they decide to go and watch cartoons (cartoons kickass!).

Rating: 6. Aside from the laugh out loud funny scenes with the patrick duffy leg and the southparkians ducking-and-covering and getting scorched, nothing else was drew more than a smile or a light chuckle. Still, a good episode.

Episode 1 (#101)
Name: Cartman gets an anal probe
Original Air Date: 8/13/97, 10:00 et

Description: Begins with the four boys at the bus stop. Cartman describes his "bogus nightmares" which turn out to be visitors giving him an anal probe. After Kyle kicks his brother, Ike, whom Cartman refers to as "dildo," the visitors take Ike aboard. The four boys attempt to get him back, which is the focus of the episode. That and, as Cartman puts it, "things coming in or going out of my ass." Ike returns home, the aliens give the cows a device which does weird shit, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Rating: 10! The show is the first one, hilarious, fresh, new, and did I mention hilarious? An instant classic. The question now is, can the show continue to be funny, or quickly become an old hat?

Neil Power's South Park

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