Terror gripped his heart. His palms were so sweaty that he felt they nearly slipped out of his pockets. His heart hammered against his ribcage, daring to explode. The silence surrounding him was eerie, serene in a demonic sort of way. His eyes ached and pulled for no reason that was apparent to him, darting around to fleetingly study his surroundings. A shrill sound filled his ears, overtaking the deep pounding of blood in his ears. His world was surreal as he felt the midnight black monster slow. Then it stopped. It seemed to be waiting for him to make the next move.
You're going crazy, Cook, Andrew thought, rubbing his fingers over his eyes briefly. The normal sounds of a crowded train car met his ears again, the high-pitched tone of the train whistle becoming nothing frightening to him anymore. It stopped with a sigh, almost sounding relieved to finally be done with the journey. That is, until the engineer decided to gear him up again for the next trip out.
Then she stepped out of the crowd outside his window, his reason for fear. She was a small thing, standing at no more than five feet four inches. Her lovely chestnut hair was wound up on her head, her face freckled lightly from years out in the sun. Her body was thin, formed like the woman she had become almost overnight. Her eyes were large and an incredible shade of brown. Golden flecks sparkled in her eyes as she bounced a little on the balls of her feet, trying to see the passengers in the car.
Bluntly, she was the most beautiful woman Andrew had ever seen. He felt like an infatuated schoolboy the second he saw her. She turned him into a pile of stuttering and lack of charisma for just a single hint of a smile from her turned his muscles to putty and his Harvard-educated brain to that of a baby.
Andrew himself was not a bad looking man. He stood tall at over six feet with dusty brown hair, darkening skin, and a healthy body that steadily was growing muscles. His warm hazel eyes were friendly, inviting people to befriend him. He should have had no trouble in his experiences with women. But he was far too shy to have been more than a pathetic excuse of a womanizer in Boston. He had always had his nose buried too deep somewhere in a library to be all that interested in women, anyway.
Then he had visited Colorado Springs. With her at sixteen years old, him at twenty-three, at a depot station platform had stood his reason for living and breathing. He had not known such a reason was supposed to exist. Truly he had not thought a person could solely be responsible for the bounce in his step on his way to and from the post office, or the reason he went to such a bad job every day.
Yet, this young woman was his reason. Andrew stayed with that job and horrible employee for her. He had quit for her when she had needed his help in an epidemic. Andrew stayed in Colorado Springs for himself, too, but he had decided a year ago to stop kidding himself about his true motivation.
For his true motivation stood there, not twenty feet from him, in all her humble glory. A sweet, modest, beautiful student of medicine. She wore the most amazing shade of soft yellow. There was something about it that brought out the beauty of her eyes. The collar crept midway up her slim neck, the creamy skin underneath enticing someone to touch it. Not in a sexual sense but in a romantic sense, just to feel the silky smoothness of her skin as he had the few times his hand touched her face or his lips graced hers.
Naturally, he could not say any of this to her for all romantic words fled his mind the second he saw her.
Andrew fairly vaulted from his seat in his eagerness to see her again. He disturbed a dog that looked an awful lot like the dog Brian had given to his sweetheart. Fluffy had been her name, if he remembered correctly. He had heard humorous tales of that dog, especially what Sully and Matthew had said the dog's only use was: bait.
Andrew hastily apologized to the gaudily dressed, middle-aged woman who snatched up her dog. He felt bad when he saw that she looked almost as wounded by his carelessness as her yipping dog. Then she turned to him with an angry look and he decided he should not stay and try to make it up to her. So he continued on his race with himself down the aisle of the train.
"Andrew!"
Hearing her say his name made his heart pound even louder in his chest. He gave her an unintentionally charming boyish grin and jumped down the last two steps from the back of the car. She was trying to make her way through the crowded mob at the Denver train station platform but Andrew was able to make it to her more quickly. He did not hesitate to pull her into his arms and embrace her petite body against his as though he would never hold her again.
Colleen Cooper felt him bury his lips in her hair and squeezed her arms tighter around his waist. Ever since he had confessed his love for her, and she to him, they had been inseparable. Physically, they had been miles apart but they had written every day for the past two months. With utter disregard to her final exams, Colleen had written to this man so dear to her heart every single evening.
Andrew pulled back from her after being jostled and elbowed for an unbearable number of times. He felt her reluctance to let him go, as well. It was a relief to him to know she had perhaps missed him as badly as he had missed her. He got a mischievous twinkle in his eyes and cupped the soft skin of her cheeks in the palms of his hands, which were surprisingly dry all of a sudden.
Embarassing her thoroughly, yet pleasantly, Andrew kissed her soft mouth right there on the train platform. Two months he had waited to see her again and he could not resist taking a single kiss. It was a beautiful kiss, holding the magic every previous kiss between them had. Their love had been hidden then, even to each other. But now they were thrusting their love into the public, daring people to know they were in love, to smile at the picture of a man gracing his sweetheart with an eloquent kiss.
"Andrew," she breathlessly whispered, embarrassed beyond measure. But she had never been so glad to be embarrassed before. She met his eyes and saw a healthy, happy glow in his eyes and on his cheeks. It was the same glow that Colleen herself had, only dulled by the flush of her cheeks from his open display of affection. It was daring enough that he secretly go up to Denver two days before her family would for her graduation. Colleen had not expected him to kiss her the second that he could.
Colleen could not help but smile up at him. Andrew grinned and she laced her fingers through his. "It's nice to see you, too," she affectionately teased.
They took his luggage and went to his hotel. Andrew watched the way wisps of her hair stubbornly refused to stay put, the lovely strands blowing around her flawless skin. The light freckles charmed him beyond anything he ever expected anything to. She was cute and beautiful at the same time.
Colleen was not blind to his close study of her. She felt her ears and neck heat often with how intently and openly he watched her every move as they walked. Colleen had never known him to be so bold and forthright before, nor to be so confident.
Truth be known, Andrew was a little surprised at how comfortable he felt being her beaux. He had always been uncomfortable even being just someone's friend, nevermind something more. But this was different; she was different. This was the person he felt he would spend the rest of his life with. This was the one person that Andrew relaxed around. She was the single human being on the face of the earth who accepted him as he was without any complaints or pushy manipulation to try and change him.
And he loved her for it.
Colleen waited downstairs in the lobby of the hotel while Andrew went up to stuff away his luggage. He had left her with the image of that boyish grin of his which made her weak in the knees and light in the head. Colleen knew that this love she felt for him was not that girlish infatuation she'd had with Jesse and what's-his-face from her early adolescent days. This was true, mature love and that made her all the more excited to see him.
Andrew was her best friend, her confidant, her colleague, and her lover rolled into one. She could hardly wait until they would practice together in the profession they both loved so much. Colleen had to acknowledge, however, that she was only eighteen and had four more years of schooling before she would be able to practice with him. There was the schooling itself, provided she was accepted in medical school, and then there was the internship and residency. Andrew had gone through all that by the time she was sixteen.
Colleen frowned as she thought of his being twenty-five. He would be ready to start settling down. While she could marry before graduating, she could not start a family until her training was completed. Doing quick math, she realized he would be twenty-nine by the time she graduated her residency. Her frown deepened, knowing she would only be twenty-two. He would be beyond ready to start a family while Colleen would want to enjoy her freedom as a doctor. Why would he want to wait another four or five years for a family because she had an irregular desire to be a doctor?
As soon as he came down, she wiped these fears away. Today was certainly not the day to worry about these things. They had time to discuss it. After all, he had only just confessed his love to her two months before. It wasn't like he was about to propose anytime soon. She did not have to worry about it yet.
"What's the frown for?" Andrew asked with a crease in his brow. She rose and joined her hand with his once more, leading him out of the hotel.
"Just thoughts," Colleen said lightly, wanting to dismiss these negative thoughts. "Come now, Drew. I'm not about to let a lovely day like this be ruined with serious talk."
Her use of her private nickname for him--Drew--melted away any resolve to ask about her frown. The young doctor grinned and felt energy and excitement rush through him. "Where to, milady?" he asked teasingly, tossing his nose in the air like a snobby aristocrat.
Colleen laughed unabashedly. It was one thing that Andrew loved about her. However quiet and shy she was, she never hid her joy or restrained herself simply because she was in public. She was honest to the world. "You must be hungry," Colleen mused, smiling up at him.
"Oh, always," Andrew confirmed. That mischief was twinkling in his hazel eyes again, the same mischief he'd displayed before he kissed her at the train station.
Colleen saw this and while it did not particularly displease her to think he would kiss her in such a way again, she was hungry herself. She wanted to eat more than she wanted to kiss him for she had been unable to eat since the afternoon before. Her stomach had been in intangible knots over his coming.. How sneaky they were being with his secret visit!
"Then we can eat," Colleen said. She turned her laughing eyes from his to watch where she walked on the sidewalk. "There's an adorable café two blocks from here. It reminds me a lot of Grace's."
"Sounds great," Andrew agreed, quickening his pace to match hers. "Well, someone's certainly hungry."
"I am," was all the young woman said. She did give him a charming smile, however, to make up for her lack of explanation about her hunger.
The day was spent at their leisure, carelessly wandering around the large town of Denver, Colorado. Colleen ran into a couple of people she knew and Andrew was glad to meet some of her friends. He pretended not to notice how she blushed whenever one of her friends made some sort of bold comment about them. It was mostly her female friends who had such fun teasing her, informing Andrew that she had been "a very good girl, indeed" while he was not there. He felt sorry for her being so embarrassed but still enjoyed the fun.
Far into that evening, Andrew reluctantly left her at her boarding house with a far more chaste kiss to remember him by. Colleen gave him a smile, returning his whispered confession of love. It exhilarated them both to orally test out the phrase to each other. So they parted with smiles. Such was the end to a very wonderful day.
The next day was not so good.
Colleen awoke early for Andrew had planned to come and get her for breakfast. They had planned on another day like yesterday, only being able to spend all day together. She was dressed and downstairs waiting by seven o'clock, as planned.
Andrew, however, did not show up until nearly ten. He found her in the library, her stiff jaw revealing how worried and irritated she was. "I'm sorry, Sweet Cheeks," Andrew said. He threw in the pet name for good measure as he kissed her temple 'hello.' "I was dead to the world until about thirty minutes ago. Do you still want to go get something to eat?"
"No, I ate without you," Colleen said, looking up at him. To someone who did not know her, one might think she was not irritated. But Andrew knew her well, and he knew she was annoyed with him.
"I'm sorry, Colleen," said Andrew, his tone honest and his eyes eager.
"It's all right," she replied, rising. She did not sound like it was all right but she refused to let him apologize further. "So what do you want to do today?"
"I have no idea," Andrew said. He gave her another boyish grin. He had every intention of making this day as wonderful as the day before had been.
Colleen, however, seemed duller than she had been the day before. While he was energetic and acting very much like the attentive, adoring beaux she was doing next to nothing to encourage him. His spirits fell and then they did something very uncharacteristic for either of them: bicker.
They bickered about everything, nitpicking every little thing each other said and not with friendliness or teasing. Colleen did not even know why they had gotten onto this rampage of immature arguing but she was not about to back down, which only proved how truly childish it was.
"What is it?" Andrew asked late that afternoon. They were in the park, which would have been very romantic had they not been in such foul moods. Their bantering from the day before was completely gone.
"What?" Colleen asked, not looking at him. Why are you arguing with him? she asked herself.
"Are you still mad at me for being late this morning?" Andrew asked.
"I never said I was mad," she pointed out.
"You didn't have to," he said. He said this almost under his breath but loud enough so he knew that she could hear him. "You know I didn't do that on purpose."
"I know."
"So why are you mad at me for it?" he asked, baffled.
"I'm not," Colleen said, sounding exasperated. "And I never said I was, either."
"Here we go again," Andrew said with a small sigh. He slid lower on the bench, his shoulders closer to level with hers as he slouched. "Bickering once more. Now this is true love."
"I don't need the sarcasm, Andrew," Colleen said, looking away from him.
"What do you expect me to do?" he asked. "We've been arguing like eight year olds all day when we were supposed to have a wonderful, romantic day like the two grown up, in love people that we are. Instead, look at us. Literally transformed overnight from lovebirds to old, married couple. And I, for one, don't find it charming like most people do."
He was emphatic. Colleen guessed that he had been plotting out that little speech in his mind all day, wanting to say it but never finding the right time or opportunity for picking an argument. She said nothing but simply sat on the bench, arms folded over her chest. She felt rotten. It was a beautiful spring day and she was supposed to be spending it in majestic bliss with her lover. She was engulfed in stony silence with him instead.
Andrew straightened after several minutes of such a cold silence. He put his arm over the bench backrest, his arm light against her shoulder. He turned more towards her. "I've done nothing but try and make up for this morning and you seem to get more angry with me as we go," Andrew said quietly, looking at her profile. "I think I not only deserve and earned an explanation, but the mere fact that we're friends--" he paused to add "--and more means that we need to talk about these things."
"I know," she said quietly.
A non-hostile response from her was encouraging. He pressed further. "What's bothering you?" he asked. His tone was intimate, that of a caring lover. It was one of that sent pleasant chills through her body. Colleen did not say anything at first so he decided to ask another question. "Is it about me?"
"Sort of," Colleen replied. She turned her head and came straight face-to-face with his eyes. "Yesterday, I was thinking while you were up in your room. I started thinking about the future, about medical school. And then I tried picturing where you fit into it. I mean, first I thought that, in the chance we did marry, you'd have to come to Pennsylvania if I was to go to medical school, provided I get accepted."
"You will," Andrew said confidently.
"Opinions aside, Andrew, maybe taking this one day at a time isn't wise," Colleen said. "We've had two months of daily letters to talk about this and we haven't. What are we going to do? By the time I could start a family with you, if we married, you'd be twenty-nine. And I was thinking yesterday that I'd be wanting to test out my knowledge, not to be tied down with a child."
"Colleen, that's a long way off," Andrew said.
"But this fall isn't," Colleen said. "And that's when I'll be gone if I get accepted." Andrew seemed to just be thinking about this, as if it suddenly dawned on him. "Pennsylvania's not like Denver, Drew. I couldn't come home on long weekends. I couldn't come home at all except maybe Christmas. Look at us the past two months. You're going to continue to do that for four years if I go away?"
"Colleen, I love you," Andrew said, gripping her hand on her skirt. "I don't care where you are." He touched his hand to the back of her slim neck, squeezing his fingers lightly against her skin. "I'll still love you, whether you're in Pennsylvania, Denver, Colorado Springs, or the North Pole."
"I love you, too, Andrew," Colleen said softly. "But you have to think about this. We have to think about this. We need to know what we're doing."
"We'll be back in Colorado Springs in two days," Andrew compromised. "Then we'll have all summer to think about it, and talk about it. Why does it have to make today so bad?"
Colleen let out a breath and found herself touching her thumb across the field of his palm. "Because I got a letter from Philadelphia this morning while I was waiting for you," she said.
"You did?" Andrew asked, immediately alert. "What'd they say?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
I didn't open it," Colleen explained.
"Well, why not?" Andrew asked.
"For one, I'm scared to," she admitted. "I also think Ma should be there when I do. She's the one who kept me going so I got where I am now."
Andrew leaned over and kissed her cheek for no reason she was aware of. He leaned his forehead on her hair and she could faintly feel the warm, clean breath from his nose. She closed her eyes and leaned into him, allowing herself the luxury of his comfort. It was unspoken that their arguments earlier that day were forgotten. Oh, how she loved him! He was a wonder of a man, stunning and glorious in every possible way.
"No matter what, Colleen, I want to be with you," Andrew said quietly. He squeezed his fingers around her much smaller hand, wanting to draw her near and never let her go. He could smell the faint fragrance of her soap as it wafted to his nose and it, foolishly, made him feel closer to her. "No matter what," he emphasized.
"No matter what?" asked Colleen. "Are you sure about that?"
Andrew gazed in her eyes a moment, letting himself drown in the beauty of her chocolate pools. He loved her so much it ached his heart to see her suffer inside as she was. She obviously was afraid that once he realized the obstacles between them, he would search for someone simpler. He saw that fear in her eyes; Andrew knew her that well. He kissed the tip of her nose.
"If you're in Philadelphia, love, I'll still be with you," Andrew said. "If you don't get accepted and you stay in Colorado Springs, of course I'll still be with you. Because it doesn't matter where you are, you're still my Colleen. I still love you, no matter where we go, and no matter where we part. Whether we marry or not, whether we have one child, ten children, or none, I still love you. So don't worry about that. I'll always be there."
Colleen looked in his eyes a moment and finally a welcomed smile came to her lips. "That was really sweet, Drew," she said softly.
As they sealed their love and promises with a gentle kiss, they knew in their hearts that it was A New Beginning.