You MUST obey the law!!...LATER!!

July the 1st, 1999, stricter laws on the roads, dare you drive around on a motorbike without a crash helmet, or talk on a mobile phone whilst driving, and you shall be stopped, fined, and severely dealt with!!! Okay, lets wait until the 12th July, give people a chance to get used to the new laws!!!! 12th July arrives, hold on, Government thinks law on helmets might be a bit harsh...too hot for people's poor little heads!!! back to the House of Representatives, in the meantime, everyone can go around as normal and nobody will not be fined until they (the Government) decide what the HELL they are doing!!! I'm sorry, but what are the crusty old imbeciles think they are doing?? You either die without a crash helmet or you don't!! Who the hell cares if your head is hot.....!! put a goddamn hole in the helmet if you want some air!! or buy a helmet which is suitable for that HEAD!! I cannot believe what I am hearing, are the Government going to get their act together or what?? Now wonder people blatantly ignore the laws in this country, when the Government cannot decide on the damn thing in the first place, and the police do not enforce it!! Oh to hell with it, if you as a motorcyclist has not got the common sense to wear a crash helemt, and need a Government directive to enforce it before you consider putting one on, then do as you wish, but don't come crying to me when you suddenly find your brains splattered all over Makarios Avenue, and find yourself hurtling down a tunnel a warm bright light!!!

Euro-no-vision!!

For those of you who do not live in Europe, the Eurovision song contest is a competition of varios European countries held every year, whereby each country submits an original song after which the public then vote for the song they consider to be the best. Well the competition has been going on for years now, and has produced some pretty famous people, the likes of Abba, and Celine Dion. Voting was impartial, and songs were rather good. However, like everything else, times have changed, and the "spirit" of the competition went out the window with the abacus!! Now we have a politically motivated, cut throat business where the winner takes all!! So, the Eurovision Committee in it's wisdom, has decided that any country can sing their song in ANY language they like. Hmmmmm, I wonder which language most of them chose this year........wouldn't happen to be English now would it???? Well of course is it dummy!! most of the civilised world understand English, so the song will appeal to the wider audience, not forgetting the fact that an English song is far more marketable than.. lets say.....Turkish (that is a completely unbiased statement by the way). So it was inevitable that an English song won this year...submitted by Sweden! So turning now to Cyprus, who of course sang in Greek, and naturally came one but last!! I thought the song was rather good, and so did most of the bookies!! so what happened?? Sorry chaps, but it's the language, nobody understands Greek, except the Greeks that is. Personally, I think that all countries should sing in their own language....or if everyone thinks the U.K. and Irelend have an unfair advantage, then all countries should sing in English...makes sense or what?? So, in this cut throat business if you can't beat them... then you HAVE to join them...or you will be sitting in that courtesy lounge forever!! So Cyprus has decided that to stand a better chance it will sing next years entry in ............GREEK!!!!!........AGAIN!!!! Hmmmmm.....tradition?.......stubborn?......or just plain STUPID?? I think Cyprus' days are numbered in the Eurovision Song Contest don't you. They were warned.....but hey, when has a Cypriot ever listened to good advice!!!???

Promises...Promises!!

David Copperfield the extraordinary magician is now not coming to Cyprus.....oh really??...now why doesn't that surprise us. Has it got something to do with the total lack of organisination by the "overly optimistic" Minister of Commerce, Industry & Tourism Nicos Rolandis, who promises to turn Cyprus into the Monaco of the Middle East. I'm sorry Nick, but you've got more chance of becoming the Pope than that happening!!! Nothing new though is it? in the past we've seen big stars shy away from Cyprus because no-one can seem to deal with anything properly of professionally !! So, what's left??? Oh yes, the Miss Universe contest.....hmmmmm...don't hold your breath!! that will probably be cancelled at the last minute because someone probably forgot to tell the girls where Cyprus is!!!!

Cypriots complain?????...NEVER!!

I'm sorry, but I couldn't keep myself from laughing when I heard the news that 103 National Guard Officers were told by the Greek Army to "bugger off" and stop winging when on a mission to Crete. The Officers were sent packing back to Cyprus after they didn't get what they wanted!! Even though the Defence Minister "stated" that the reasons for them all returning was due to leave and have time with their families. Hello, but do we look that stupid?? Since when does an entire force of 103 men get holiday leave at the same time!!! I think these officers have caught "prima donnas" disease from the Cyprus Airways pilots!! You can just imagine can't you. These self important officers probably turned up in Crete, expecting the red carpet treatment, limousines, luxury suites, and a cabaret girl!! Not forgetting the demand for bonuses in the form of a blank cheque, for doing something that they are already paid to do!! I'm sorry, but I thought these officers were in the army, I must be mistaken... they're all actors in uniform, waiting in the wings for the next part...and when given it, demand a fully airconditioned trailer with a stunt double!!!! Sounds more realistic doesn't it????

Government Aid??WHY?????

Recently we have seen the sad loss of the Pittas dairy in Nicosia, wiped out by a HUGE fire, reportedly caused by welding apparatus that short-circuited. Whilst I have sympathy for the owners of the dairy, I cannot understand why they have been singled out by the Government for financial assistance in rebuilding the company. It is understood that the company had insurance for such an eventuality, so why on earth are the Governnment acting as insurer here??? All the assistance they need should be adequately provided by the insurance company. However, if they were under insured for such a loss, or not adequately covered, then I'm afraid it is their problem, and NOT the Government's...or the taxpayers! Okay, so the company provides a valuable service to many people......yes...well...so does mine!! The company is highly respected and has an excellent reputation in it's field.....yes...well...so does mine!!....errrrr...okay...the owners of the company have friends in high places....yes..well.....mine hasn't!!!!! AH....ok..we get the message. One thing I would mention though...the fire seems to have started because someone left the welding machine SWITCHED ON over the weekend, causing it to overload and short circuit!!! which probably means the insurance will be void as a result of negligence...but who knows...friends in high places.....I wonder...if my business burns to the ground do I get Government assistance also??......I THINK NOT!!

CA..Cyprus Airways or Crumbling Airline!!

The logo for British Airways is "the worlds favourite airline"......the logo for Cyprus Airways is "the worlds most highly paid airline employees!!" So what have the prima donnas been up to now?? Well they INSIST that nine of their collegues are promoted to Captains!! As if Cyprus Airways don't have enough pilots....they out number the CA fleet by about 10-1!! They are also complaining about the number of hours worked.....awwww.. it must be a hard life sitting down in a chair for hours on end and getting up to switch the auto pilot on and off!!, and now conveniently 3 of them have called in sick at exactly the same time causing havoc to flights. Anyone would think they were making a statement that the airline does not have enough pilots, thus the flights were delayed....of course they weren't...they were genuinely ill! Can we see medical certificates please, from a doctor of OUR choosing!!?? So they want to go on strike again, just as the tourists seasons kicks in....feeling of deja vu or what? It seems to me that the unions in Cyprus just keep on blackmailing their employers at every opportunity to get what they want. I've seen this all before...and it will only end in tears....privatisation will kick in eventually...and then the shareholders will DEMAND "heads on plates" for these little Agent Provocateurs!!

Schools Out.......AGAIN!!

Education is extremeley important.....so why does it seem that our school children are spending more time OUT of school than IN?? Every other week school children seem to be demonstrating about one thing or another.....if it's not the Cyprus Problem, then it's Ocalan, if it's not Serbia, then it's about girls wearing trousers!! What next I ask myself? Who is responsible for inciting this apparent disregard for education.....are the teachers bored with teaching??? Education first begins in the home...then at school...and NOT on the streets. You never learn anything by throwing tomatoes at people, and causing a disturbance! If you feel so strongly about a particular cause...then may I suggest it is done in your own time...and not in school time, and peacefully!! The Education Department should not be encouraging pupils to "bunk" off school to go and demonstrate for a cause which they believe is in the "National Interest", when they should be IN school teaching them about the subject in the first place! To use children in this way is a disgrace. Fortunately it seems to have backfired on the Education Department, as we have seen recently when pupils just deserted their schools in apparent support for Serbia, when they were in fact down the shops or in the cafes! Give them a inch and they will take a mile......teachers should know that....so stop with these demonstration breaks, and start teaching them what they NEED to know, because if our school children turn out to be narrow minded "dummies" then we all know who to blame!!!

Cassoulides the Geezer!

Yiannkis Cassoulides........has the man got hidden talents?? Personally I think he has. We have seen him rise from Governmnent Spokesman to Foreign Minister in a short space of time, and quite deservedly! Here is a true diplomat who has the right qualities to go even further. We have seen him on various occassions mixing with senior foreign delegations from around the world and handling every aspect of his position the way a Foreign Minister should. He is an intelligent, charming and charismatic personality, who always THINKS before speaking, a quality which sadly is not evident is most of the Cabinet! I have followed Mr C's career with interest and believe he has the right qualities to take over from our current President, Glafcos Clerides. Don't be too surprised if you see him running for the "top" position in the near future.

Reshuffle?? That's Top Secret!

So, it looks as though another cabinet reshuffle is on the cards, even though our evasive President has not said as much. Mind you he is famous for not saying much! In fact everytime a reporter asks him a question about any rumour...he either denies it, waffles on about something else, or tries to get angry and barks at you. Most of the time the rumours are true! If he wasn't so secretive about everything and just told people what he was up to then there wouldn't be any need for "accurate" guessing! So what is he going to do to revive the tarnished, dented and ageing look of his cabinet?? Replace most of them with monkeys?? no....that would cost them too much in banana's. How about robots?....do as they are told, corrupt free, don't need BMW's.....no....they only have a lifespan of 30 years. I know, clone Spyros Kyprianou to fill all positions, then he could have hundreds of bodyguards, lot's of BMW's,....he would be in his element, which would make a happy cabinet, with happy people, and happy goverment....HOLD ON...this is Spyros we are talking about.....ok...perhaps not!!! Okay Mr President, fill the positions with school children, they couldn't do any worse than your lot, and all you would need to keep them happy is a few sweeties.

Casualty???You cannot be serious!!!

It appears our casualty departments were full over Easter. Was is due to accidents in the home?....no..okay, heart attack victims?....no, okay, then it has to be road traffic accidents?...wrong again....it was due to OVEREATING!!! What???? yes, you heard right...people stuffing their faces not knowing when to stop!! Incredible to believe but it's true. For some reason our culture insists that one must eat until one explodes. The annoying part of this is the fact that these inconsiderate hypochondriac's are wasting valuble casualty resources, only to be told that they have ate to much!! Don't these gluttons realise that because of their stupidity, a serious accident victims life could be put in danger because they are filling up the casualty ward for such minor ailments that could be dealt with by taking some rennie or sitting on the toilet!!

What's the answer?

We all want answers to those little nagging questions ..but WHO has the answers? Questions like....if you can't grow a beard, does that mean you cannot become a priest? If you are young can you become a politician? If you have a flashing heart in your windscreen does that mean you are cool? If you are a taxi driver does that mean you are allowed to speed? You understand what I mean?? It's true though isn't it..all priests have really long beards....but if you're like me and have trouble growing one, does that mean I am cast aside?? Take the politician, the average age of our lot is 650...oopps I mean 65 :) where are all the young one's..I mean thirty something?? what happens..do politicians rotate every 75 years or what?? The flashing heart....hmmmmm.. I'm still trying to work that one out....phallic symbol?..perhaps, unless it's some kind of radar guidance system that I don't know about. Not forgetting the taxi driver...speed...of sound or light? Well, no they wouldn't be trying to break the speed of light as no one would see them flapping their arm out the window then, has to be sound. I wonder if Richard Noble knows about this, well Thrust 3 in Cyprus, could be a first!