Chapter Six
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After the show Lauren and Kimberley met the group backstage. Lauren ran up to Justin and said "Awesome show!!!"
"Thanks" he said giving her a hug.
"Yuck you smell!" Lauren said jokingly to her friend.
"Oh thanks! I get the hint. Shower time boys." Justin said as they all headed off to the shower. Everyone showered and changed and then met up to go to a party that Justin and JC arranged for that night in their hotel. They all went back to their suite at 2 A.M. Lauren yawned and hugged all the guys then went to her bedroom mumbling something about sleep and not waking her up early. JC, Chris, and Joey realized how tired they were and then all went to their own rooms and went to bed. Justin and Lance both still wide a wake sat down to watch TV and try to wind down. They turned on a comedy show, but Lance could not concentrate on the show. He kept thinking back to the concert and how he kept thinking Lauren was looking at him but rationalized that she must be looking at Justin. "LANCE!" Justin finally yelled to bring him out of his dream world.
"Huh? What?" Lance sputtered out.
"Okay, this is getting really old. Both you and Lauren have been totally spacey this weekend. I am not feeling the love (credit to Chrissy for the phrase) in the room. I have said about 20 things to you and you just sit there starring at whatever it is you are looking at."
"Sorry, I was just thinking. What did you need?’ Lance asked.
"Nothing. I was just talking to be talking. What were you thinking about?" Justin asked getting more anxious to know what was going through his friend’s mind.
"Oh nothing in particular"
"Okay, spill it Lansten. What’s up?" Justin asked turning the TV off and shifting positions to face Lance.
"Just thinking" Lance said looking away from Justin.
"Lance don’t lie. I can read you like a book. You had something particular in mind. I am not in the mood to play guessing games but I guess I will…unless you tell me what it is now."
"That’s just it. I don’t know what is wrong. I don’t know what I am thinking." Lance said turning to face Justin and then continued "I mean…I don’t know…I guess you could say I’m thinking about life, women, and love."
"Anything or anyone in particular" Justin said trying to pry the information out of his friend.
"No…yeah…maybe…I don’t know." Lance said throwing himself back against the couch "I think I am losing my mind man."
"Lance what’s going on? You are always calm and collected and all that." Justin asked.
"I don’t know. It’s just since yesterday I can’t think. I have been off all night. All I can think about is…" Lance paused looking at Justin afraid to say the name. ‘She is his best friend, I know how protective I am of my friends. I usually hate the people they date.’ Lance thought to himself while still looking at Justin.
"Lauren…Is that what you were going to say?" Justin asked calmly.
"Yeah, I guess so. I don’t know why she is nice, sweet, patient, and beautiful both inside and outside." Lance said.
"Hey remember I am her friend you don’t have to convince me that she is a good person." Justin said jokingly. Then thought to himself ‘Looks like I was right about his feelings. Damn I hate when I am right sometimes. Is she ready for this?’ then Justin drifted back to reality.
"Yeah I know that seems to be part of my problem." Lance paused seeing the confused look on Justin’s face then continued. "I knew she was different when I met her. But from minute one I convinced myself that it wouldn’t work. I told myself that a friend yours couldn’t be more then a friend of mine. But the thing is when I saw her the first time she was happy and had this glow on her face. Then at the concert I would have sworn that I saw her looking at me a few times, then she would look away quickly and I figured I was imagining things. Then last night at the club I don’t know she seemed to enjoy the dance, but also like she was scared to death. Does any of this make sense to you?"
"Yeah it makes a lot of sense to me. First off it explains why she was looking everywhere but at me tonight. Or atleast that is how it felt. I don’t know what you are so worried about though. She is not going to kill you for liking her, and if you think it would matter what I thought ha ha…that is a funny one. Believe me that girl does what she wants and it doesn’t matter what I think or what anyone else thinks." Justin paused for a second to let that sink in to Lance then continued. "But you also need to know some stuff. This isn’t really my place to tell you everything, but if you want any chance of figuring her out then you are going to need to know that she is very untrusting of men, and that she has her reasons to be. Also she can be easily tempered at times, and then at other’s you can’t piss her off. Also here is a word of advice from my own experiences as her friend, once you have pissed her off give her time to calm down before you start to apologize just give her room when she is pissed." Justin thought of all the times that they had sat and talked for hours on end and how many times she was so upset she wanted to jump off a cliff. But then he remembered the times when she was happy. They had had many of both times together. He thought the times when they would sit outside and talk and by the end of the night a new secret was revealed to him. There were many of those nights. He thought of one in particular.
******** FLASHBACK ********
Justin and Lauren were sitting outside after spending the day swimming in a local pool. They had been talking for a couple hours when Lauren grew quite. The topic had somehow turned to abuse, both child and spousal. Justin had said that he was glad to have never experienced abuse as a child and Lauren had agreed. Then said "Yeah, child abuse I have not dealt with ever in my life but spousal or just plan friend abuse yeah I have dealt with that."
****** END OF FLASHBACK ******
Justin sat there still thinking about that night. He remembered her telling him how many people she knew that had been abused by a man because they were their girlfriends or wives. He listened to some of the tales she told that night and even now two years later he could not forget her facial expressions. He remembered ever wince or shrug. Thinking to himself Justin said ‘That is why she doesn’t trust guys. It isn’t fair to her. She should be able to trust guys. Can Lance deal with her? Can SHE deal with this?’ There had been many times when he did not want to deal with something that had happened to bring back an unwanted memory. There were to many that the slightest thing could remind her of something bad in her life. He had remembered the times he wanted to turn his back but never did there was always something there to keep him there. He could not ever just walk away from her. She had truly become a sister to him that he had never had. Justin realized that Lauren was a little girl at times trying to play strong in a woman’s body. After their many talks about the abuse she witnessed, the abuse she suffered at he hands of some of her "friends", and the years of hiding it he had finally realized she was weak in her emotions. The words she had said two years ago at the end of their conversation still rung in his ears to that day. He could remember them talking about the abuse and stuff and how he said something about not being able to do that to someone else. And how she grew very grim and said, "Well, not all males are actually men. Some think the only way to prove their man hood is to smack or yell at the females around them. I really think you are in the minority of the male population Justin." With that Justin remembered her shutting his car door and walking back to her house. Justin shivered as he drifted back to that day. He was in a deep thinking mode when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. "HUH?" Justin stuttered out shaking his head to clear the memory.
"I asked if you were okay? You got kind of pale and the look on your face was one of pain." Lance repeated.
"Oh I am fine. Don’t worry about it sorry"
"What were you thinking about?" Lance asked afraid to hear his answer.
"Just stuff. So what are you going to do about your feelings for Lauren?" Justin asked avoiding the question.
"I don’t know. She is only for another day right now, but then she will be back this summer. Maybe I should wait till then and see if I feel the same. I don’t want to hurt her or to get hurt myself."
"You can email and call her while she is gone and maybe even get to know her better during that time. You know I will always be talking to her." Justin said, then stood up and faked a yawn and stretch. "I need to get some sleep. I wish I could tell you how she feels but I don’t know how she feels right now. NIGHT go to bed Lance…sleep on it, and it’ll look better in the morning."
"I know thanks man. I really appreciate it. I guess I have two or so months to figure out what is going on in my mind. NIGHT!" Lance said walking into his room and shutting the door.
He quickly took his pants and shirt off and then laid down try to sleep. Lance finally drifted into sleep convincing himself that two months would fly by, and that then he could do something about his feelings. The last thing Lance remembered was smiling as he pictured Lauren’s face when he first met her.
Justin on the other hand could not sleep. He had stripped down to his boxers and was lying awake in his bed. He could not get Lauren and Lance out of his mind. He kept remembering her sitting somewhere and someone reminding her of something and then she could not stop crying. ‘How many times has she cried in my arms?’ he thought to himself. He remembered talking to her about relationships and how she rarely dated if at all because of what she had seen. He remembered her telling him that she had ran from relationships for most of her life and how she did not know how to get involved because of it. And now it looked like she had a sweet and loving guy that Justin approved of, falling for her but was she ready to fall for him. Or could she even really fall for him. What would she do when she found out? Could she handle it? Can Lance handle knowing everything I know about her? Justin’s mind raced with these and many other questions as he tossed and turned. Finally at 5 A.M. he fell asleep out of exhaustion, with memories and questions still running through his mind.
Chapter Seven
