It had been six months since Lance had passed away that early Saturday morning. His parents set the appointment up to plan he funeral for Saturday afternoon. Everyone was going to go to help and hopefully make it easier on all involved. Christina called her parents from the hospital and told them what had happened. She asked them to fly down that afternoon and they promised to be on a flight as soon as possible. Everyone had left his room after twenty or so minutes except for Christina. She just continued to sit starring at the man she loved and being unable to believe that this was happening. After an hour the hospital told her she had to go so they could get him ready. Christina looked on last time at the man now lying lifeless on the bed. When Christina walked out of the hospital room she saw everyone standing in the hallway. She hugged everyone then stood against the wall. Christina had finally stopped crying and now only stood with her hands lying = across her own chest. JC and Chrissy walked up to her and slowly led her to their car.
It had been arranged earlier that month that she would stay with them for a couple nights and then she could stay where she felt most comfortable after that. Shannon was staying with Sarah and Joey. JC drove away from the hospital as the rest of the group got into their own cars and drove home after promising to see everyone the next day. Arriving at the apartment Chrissy led Christina into their front room and Christina sat on the couch. She hadn't said anything to anyone but just sat thinking and remembering. For the next few hours the phone never seemed to stop ringing. But Christina never spoke to anyone, rather sat crying again on the couch. Finally at four am she cried herself to sleep and JC and Chrissy went to bed.
Christina's parents called the morning to say they were leaving Indiana at 10 and would be in Florida by that afternoon. When the phone rang that morning Christina rolled over on the couch as she heard JC jump up to answer it. She looked at him as he talked and then he asked, "it's your dad do you want to talk to him?"
Christina shook her head yes and slowly sat up as JC handed her the phone and he walked out of the room. "Daddy?" Christina said.
"Yeah baby! It's dad. How you doing?" He asked knowing the answer. One thing his daughter wasn't ever able to do was to hide her emotions from him. He could tell just one word that she was a mess and that she didn't think she would make it.
"I'm so scared. Daddy there's something I have to tell you."
"Go ahead" her dad said, he hated knowing his child was this sad. It hurt him to know that her world was falling apart.
"Daddy.I'm pregnant." Christina said, her dad had always been so proud of his daughter, none had gotten pregnant before being married and all had graduated from college.
"Well, it'll be okay." Her dad said as his face fell. He knew this had to be Lance's baby, and that it was going to be hard on her to be a single parent. "Why don't we talk about this when mom and I get down there? It'll all work out."
"Okay, I just wanted to tell you."
"I know baby. You be strong baby! Mom and I will be down there soon. We're staying with Aunt Jane, but we'll call you on the cell when we get there and try to meet up. What are you doing today?" he asked.
"Well at 2 we have to be at the mortuary to do all that. But other then that I don't know."
"Okay, well I'll call you as soon as we get in. Mom and I love you!"
"Yeah, love you too." She said back as she hung up the phone. Sliding back down onto the couch Christina closed her eyes. 'What am I going to do?' she thought to herself. 'I'm pregnant, a single mom now, and I just lost the man I thought would always be here.' Christina cried as she slowly fell back to sleep.
At noon JC and Chrissy woke Christina up to eat and get ready. They had to leave at 1:45 and they wanted to make sure she had plenty of time to get ready. Chrissy tried to get her to eat but all she was wanted was a glass of milk and a couple crackers. At 1:45 they all climbed into the Jeep and left for what would be a long day. Arriving a few minutes later, Christina saw Justin, Pam, Shannon, Carla, Chris, Joey and Sarah waiting by their cars for her. She climbed out of the Jeep and hugged each person then slowly led them through the doors.
Sitting at the long table in the office was Lance's parents and sister. They had been then for about 20 minutes and had started to maul over the details. Standing they greeted her in tears and asked how she was doing. She shook her head in an okay way and then sat beside them. Everyone sat around the table and started to figure out what needed to be done and when. Two hours later the funeral was set for Tuesday at noon, with private calling hours before, and public ones the night before and private again an hour before those. They figured that would give all the singers that wanted to come or other famous people enough time. Then there could be only family and close friends on the day of the funeral.
The casket would be a dark oak, with a deep green lining. And there would be a blanket of flowers, red and white roses, with five ribbons off of it, the first four would be on the blanket through the whole time, they were Son, brother, fiancee, and friend. The last ribbon would be added before the private calling hours on the day of the funeral at the request of Christina, it was yellow and said Daddy on it. Christina didn't want the world to know at that time what was going on. But she also wanted to make sure that ribbon was there. They arranged for the pull bearers, which were all four of the guys, to take all the ribbons off and place them in the casket before it was closed.
They decided that all the flowers should be given to a hospital for really sick patients. There were going to be many, and they had already received a hundred. No one in the music world could believe that NSYNC was no longer, nor the idea that one of them was gone. The fans had been notified that morning by MTV who had done a phone interview with a very grief stricken Justin. He had told the world that he was very sorry to report but that James Lance Bass had passed into heaven early that morning. It had been hard on him but everyone else was busy trying to keep Christina calm, or getting flights for Lance's family that still had to come in or just trying to cope. When MTV called him that morning he didn't know what to say but before he hung up with them he added, "Lance loved all of our fans more then anything. We hope that you know that. He is now in a better place, and the pain and suffering he has dealt with for a year is over. Please pray for his family and friends as we learn to cope with out one of the dearest men in the world. Thank you fans for all your support. We love you all." The fan support had been pouring in since then and hadn't stopped.
Christina sat quietly through out the meeting, agreeing when asked question. It was too much for her mind to handle. She only talked to answer questions or to make the occasional comment. Mostly she just sat continuing to think through the past twenty-four hours. Finally everything was set and ready to go but no one knew what outfit Lance wanted or should wear.
"He wanted the black suit we bought this summer. It's at the condo in our closet." Christina answered. She hadn't thought about having to go back to their condo this early but she knew at some time she would have to.
Christina had planned ahead slightly by leaving a few clothes at Chrissy and JC's apartment. She knew that it would most likely be a hurry when everything happened and had left a few outfits there. She hadn't thought about a suit for Lance and she also hadn't thought about a dress for the calling hours or funeral. Christina looked at her friends, who were waiting on her to tell them what to do; they understood her pain but had no way to take it away.
It hadn't been more then twenty-four hours since he died and already her life was a mess. The night before she had tossed and turned and was crying almost non-stop. Everyone was waiting on her to decide if she could go back into the condo this soon. Christina let her thoughts wonder as she tried to figure out what her heart wanted to do. "I'll go get it a little later today and drop it off." Christina said.
"We'll go with you." Justin offered.
"No I need to go by myself. I need to get Lance's keys to the truck so that I have a car to drive. I'll be okay someone just needs to drop me off." She said. 'I need to go and make sure everything is okay.' She thought to herself. Everyone looked at her and knew she was set on going alone and finally agreed.
Finally everything was set and they left to prepare for the next day. Christina left with Pam and Justin to go to the condo. Stopping at a restaurant they slowly ate then decided to go. Justin pulled his Mercedes into the drive of the condo and shut the car off. Christina sat looking at what she had once thought would be her future residence. Now she couldn't imagine spending the night there alone. Christina slowly climbed out and Justin and Pam sat watching her. "Are you sure you want to go alone?" Justin asked.
"Yeah, I'll be here for an hour or so then I'll leave." Christina said as she started to walk up the sidewalk. Arriving at the door she unlocked it and slowly opened the door. Looking around the room she hadn't realized how messy it was. There were half empty boxes strewn through out the room, along with unused decorations. The tears fell out of Christina's eyes as she sank into the couch. "I can't believe he's really gone," she said out loud to no one in particular. She lay down on the couch and closed her eyes and remembered how many times she had laid there with Lance just talking to, laughing with, kissing, or holding each other. Christina didn't have the heart to finish decorating the room, nor did she want to put away any of the boxes. This is how it was the last time he was alive and it's how she wanted it to stay. Christina laid on the couch and cried unable to force herself to move. She thought how easy it would be for her to lay there forever and just slowly let herself die. But then she felt a small movement inside of her. It was the first time she had felt anything from the baby. "I do have something to live for," she said to herself. That small movement by their baby was what she needed to remind herself that she had to go on. She looked at a picture on the coffee table and pulled it close to her heart. "I know I promised you to take care of the baby but I didn't think it would be this hard to go on," she said as if talking to Lance, "I will try my best and try to live my life to the fullest. But baby I won't forget our good times." Christina sat the photo back down and stood then walked to what had been their bedroom.
Walking in she saw the bed made perfectly and remembered making it the day before. Lance had tried to help but finally after a lot of convincing he sat in the corner chair and watched her. Christina saw the medicine he had taken sitting on the dresser across from the bed and the water she always kept there. Christina couldn't remember a time when there wasn't some type of medicine bottle sitting on the dresser. Keeping herself from crying Christina walked to the walk-in closet and opened it. On the left were Lance's clothes, and on the right were hers. She looked through the outfits on the left first and finally found the three-piece suit she remembered him saying he wanted to be buried in. That had been about a month ago when he had gotten a lung infection and they thought the end was near. But he had pulled through. Christina laid the suit on the bed and found the tie to match, then a white shirt for underneath. Picking out his accessories Christina cried as she found the ring she wanted to give him for Christmas that year. It was a band with a line of diamonds running across it. Christina put it in her pocket and grabbed a couple necklaces he always wore and his WWJD? bracelet. These were all the things he wanted to wear.
Next Christina began to look through her own clothes. She had been in the condo for an hour and had stopped crying for the most part. She sobbed occasionally but continued to look through her dresses. She needed one for Monday and a different one for Tuesday. Finally settling on two dark dresses, one long black and one knee length, she tried to reach for the suitcases on the top shelve. They were slightly out of her reach and she remembered that Lance had always gotten them down when they were needed. She couldn't help but cry as she went to get the stool from the kitchen. She climbed carefully and safely got the suitcases down. They felt heavier then she remembered but figured she was just tired.
She set both suitcases on the bed and began to slowly pack the first one. It was a blue shade with silver trim. The second was black with gold trim and it was the one that Lance always used. After packing her underclothes and nightclothes for a week into the first suitcase she picked up her teddy bear from the bed. Lance had won it for her at a fair that summer and she had slept with it every night since then. She would lay it beside her no matter where she went. He had always joked that it was her security blanket, and that she couldn't sleep with out it. Putting it in she zipped up the suitcase and sat it gently on the floor. Now she had to pack all her clothes into the other. Christina knew she wouldn't be back for at least a week. Her parents had finally called while they were at the mortuary and they wanted her to go stay with them at her aunts for a few days and she had agreed.
Christina unzipped the black suitcase and was surprised to find three wrapped gifts in it. She picked up the biggest one first and looked at the tag, then looked at the other two. They all three had her name it them and there was a card in the bottom of the suitcase. Picking it up she opened and read it.
"Christina, if you are reading this then one of two things has happened. Either it's Christmas day and I am still there with you or it's not and I have passed away and you just found these gifts. I asked JC and Justin to help me go shopping a couple weeks ago for you. I wanted to make sure to have your Christmas gifts no matter what. Open the biggest first then the next size and finally the smallest. There is a note with each and I love you. LOVE, Lance"
Slowly putting the card down Christina picked up the biggest box and sat on the bed. Opening the first box, she saw a big picture book. On the front cover was a picture of Lance and Christina on the beach their first summer together. Flipping the book open Christina saw all the pictures that she thought had been misplaced when she moved to Florida. She saw pictures of her and Lance over the first two years of dating. A picture taken the night they were engaged, and finally some of the ones that had been taken over the last year. The back page was blank with a lote instead of pictures.
"Well, you thought you lost all these photos, but what you didn't know was I stole them. I have been working on this book since you moved here last September. I just wanted as many of our memories in one place as I could. There are notes through out the book some personal for you and some just to remind you of what was happening when the photo was taken. I left this back page blank, except for the note to leave you room for your future photos. I hope you like it. Love, Lance."
Christina closed the book and wiped her tears, then sat the book back into the bottom of the suitcase. Christina paused as she picked up the next box and sat it on her lap. "He was the sweetest man alive." Christina said and paused as she said the word 'alive.' It hit her that he wasn't alive now. He wouldn't ever be alive again. She went back to the package to keep her mind from flooding with emotions. Unwrapping it carefully she revealed two CD's both having been homemade. Looking at the note she read,
"Well, I didn't know what else to get you. When I was shopping it seemed like nothing was perfect. That's why I decided to go with these two homemade gifts. The first was for you to look at and now this is to hear. If you look at the two play lists they are all the = songs that have ever meant anything to us. Some are songs we listened to at the beach and some are just songs we agreed were perfect or that we liked. I hope you like it. Merry Christmas, Lance"
Christina flipped the CD's over and read down the play lists. There were thirteen songs on both CD's. On the first were songs such as, "Wonderful Tonight", "Hardest Thing", "Unanswered Prayers", and other songs they had danced to through the years. On the second CD were their favorite songs. Some were from the group but many were of other artist. Christina didn't know what else to do but to cry. She sat crying as she put the CDs in her suitcase beside the book.
Finally picking up the smallest box she wiped her tears. Opening it she slowly lifted the box out of the wrappings. She opened the box and found a heart shaped wooden music box. She looked at the top and saw a rose carved in it, tracing it with her fingers she slowly opened the lid and let the music start to play. She slowly realized the title as she began to read the note attached.
"Well like the song say's 'Let the music heal your soul'. Music has always played a big part in my life and I know it has in yours. Anytime you are lonely open the box and let the music heal your soul. Love, JLB"
"Somewhere someone writes a song,
With a simple line,
Just a song,
Where his feeling show.
And if some feels the same.
About the simple song,
Oh sometimes you can hear them sing.
Music leaves you happiness or Sadness.
But it also, it also heals your soul.
Let the music heal your soul,
Let the music take control.
Let the music give you
The power to move any mountains."
Christina looked inside the box as the music continued to play. Inside was key and another note. Opening the note she read.
"I tried to convince you to sale my truck this summer and get you a nice safe small car. But you wouldn't listen. I wished you had. Here is the key to a black Grand Prix sitting in Justin's garage. You can keep or sale the truck I don't care, but take care of yourself. Baby I just wanted to make sure you were safe. That truck is high matence and with you about to become a mom you don't need to be in the shop all the time. Please drive carefully always. I know you do a lot of driving and I just wanted to take care you of you one last time. I love you and I am sure you will be fine. I hope you like your Christmas gifts. Love you baby, say hi to our child when it's born from its daddy. Love, Lance"
Christina cried as she realized that he had known all along that she was pregnant. She didn't know how he knew but he did. It was almost as if he had left the baby for her to go on for. Christina closed the box and sat it along side the other gifts. "Thank you Lance" she said as she looked to heaven. "It's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me." Christina finished packing her clothes and then closed the last suitcase and sat it on the floor beside the other. Looking around the room one last time, she picked up the little key to the car he had left her, and his keys to the truck. She glanced at the picture frame above the bed.
It was the type that held many photos at once. Looking at each picture she notice that two were of Lance's parents, and one of his sister. There were a few of him with the group and their friends. Christina's eyes settled on the last photo. It was of Lance and her at Justin's one night. They had been to the beach that day, and had went horse back riding. But that night at Justin's Lance had just pushed Christina into the pool, and as he tried to help her out she pulled him in. Justin had been quick to grab his camera and he took a picture of the two of them having resurfaced standing chest deep in water kissing and caressing each other's cheek. The picture was perfect; the moon shined just enough to light their faces, but not enough to make it glaring. It was one of the last happy photos they had taken. This had been their favorite photo. Christina looked from the photo to the empty bed and began to cry then pulled the suitcases out of the room. Shutting the door behind her she didn't know when she would be back. Christina carried the bags out to Lance's truck and came back into the condo.
Looking around one last time Christina walked over to the tree that stood in the corner. She looked at the ornaments and bows and slowly picked on of each off the tree. She was glad that they had gotten the tree up but now dreaded the thought of taking it down. She looked at the clock and realized three hours had passed by since she arrived. "I wonder if anyone's worried about me?" Christina asked then she heard the phone began to ring. "Hello?" she asked.
"Christina where are you?" the voice asked.
"Pam? I'm still at the condo. Just now getting ready to leave. I just needed more time here then I thought I would. I'll be at Justin's in a little bit. I am going to go by the mortuary first and drop the suit off and then I'll be there."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah" Christina said as she started to close the blinds and lock the condo up one last time. "Bye Pam" Christina said.
"Bye"
Christina locked the door and slowly shut it behind her. She slipped her sunglasses on to hide her eyes and walked out to the truck. Backing out of the driveway she knew she would be okay someday.
On Monday everyone arrived at the mortuary at 2:30 for the closed calling hours. Christina and Lance's parents walked in first, as the others stood waiting. They stood close and cried not able to say anything. Thirty minutes later Christina walked out to her friends and motioned for them to join them. She waited as everyone walked in and her parents brought up the end of the line. Closing the door to the room Christina walked to each friend and hugged them. She thanked them for all the help they had given her and for all the love. Lance's parents sat near the casket crying and talking to everyone as they came by. Christina stood at the casket with one hand on it, not moving. Slowly all their friends, music people, family, and everyone else they knew walked by and said their last good-byes.
At 3:30 everyone was led out as the room, as it was prepared
for the public calling hours. Christina left with her parents and aunt
to go to dinner, as the guys stood ready to greet and help their fans
through this time of grief. They had all agreed that it would be to hard on Christina to talk and see that many people in one day and that
Lance's parents didn't need the extra stress. The guys volunteered to do it and agreed that it would be easier if they were the only ones there. It was arranged so that Chris met the fans at the door, JC was walking around the room making sure every kept moving, Joey stood at the casket to help anyone that needed it, and Justin stood by the guest book to make sure they all signed. Overall the call hours were well organized so that it would go smoothly. The doors opened and for the next hour they greeted, thanked, and hugged their fans as the filed through the room. One guest book filled and was replace with a new one and the room slowly emptied as the outside door were closed to more fans. As the last fan filed passed the now empty casket Chris walked over, followed by JC, and
finally Justin.
The casket had been closed out of respect for his family and friends. It was also easier on the fans, seeing a picture of him in his healthy days and not now when he was pale and skinny. The guys all remembered the most asked question by their fans. "What was happening to NSYNC?" they had all answered that they weren't sure. Only that right now their concerns were with grieving and helping those around them.
Slowly the guys grew quiet and stood looking at the casket in front of them. They hadn't realized that it would be so hard to say goodbye. There had been many good memories that were flooding through their minds, memories of concerts, interviews, jokes, and other personal memories. JC had thought of the Lance's favorite Christmas song as he stood there. Lance loved to sing the song and always put his all into each performance. JC began to sing lightly.
"Oh holy night,
The stars are brightly shinning.
It is the night of our dear savior's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pinning,
Till he appears and the soul felt his word.
The thrill of joy, the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Oh, fall on your knees.
Oh, hear the angels' voices.
Oh night divine, oh night when Christ was born.
Oh night divine.
The thrill of hope,
The weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees.
Oh hear the angels' voices.
Oh night divine.
Oh night when Christ was born.
Oh night divine.
Oh night divine, holy night, oh night divine.
Night when Christ was born."
As he sang the others joined in. It was their way of saying goodbye to their dearest friend. Each guy stood silently as they reached the strongest bass part. They ended the song as their tears found their way out the guy's eyes. Hugging each other they walked out to the waiting limo.
The next day the funeral began at noon. Christina spent the morning at the church in a secluded room. She had been trying to take care of herself but it was very hard to remember why she wanted to live. She knew the baby needed her but it was hard to make herself eat and sleep when all she wanted to do is crawl up and cry. Her parents sat with her for part of the morning reminding her they loved her and that it would be okay. A little before noon she was led to the sanctuary where the funeral was being held.=20
Just as in her dream she was wearing a black "A" lined dress. Sitting as they were in the dream Christina passed her friends as she made her way to the front row and sat between her parent's and Lance's. Her dad put an arm around her and held her hand as she tried to stay composed. He knew how much Lance meant to his daughter and couldn't stand to see her so sad and so tired.
The pastor began to speak. Talking of the young life lost and the pain. He tried to say things that would make them all feel better, but nothing could cut the pain. He stepped aside as they started the first song. The song playing was "Friends" by Michael W. Smith. That Saturday each person was given the option to pick a song to have played. And everyone decided as a group that this would be the first song they wanted played.
"Friends are friends forever,
If the Lords the Lord of them.
And a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end.
Though it's hard to let you go, In the father's hands we know. That a lifetimes not to long to live as friends.
The song continued to play as everyone sat in the wooden pews and cried. After the song ended the pastor introduced the guys and they came up together to speak.
"We all just wanted to say that Lance was a great person. He was our = best friend." JC said first.
"Not only was he a best friend he was a brother to us. We will miss his smiling face," Joey said.
"And his always knowing where we are suppose to be. Guess I won't ever be anywhere on time again." Chris said.
"Most of all we will miss his personality. He wouldn't lie to you and he trusted everyone. We know he is in a better place, but we wish he was still here with us. We miss you Lance." Justin said as his 21-year-old eyes filled with tears. They walked as a group and sat back down.
The music started again as everyone sat quietly listening. It was "Wind Beneath My Wings" by request of his parents and sister. They had leaned into a hug as the words hit them. Lance's sister stood and walked to the pulpit, and face those looking at her. The music continued to play quietly as she began to speak.
"I am Lance's sister. Well I am sure most of you know that. Growing up Lance was the type of little brother that always bothered his sister. He always wanted to go with my friends and me when we went somewhere. So many times I told him no and now I just wish he was here to say yes. That was when he would have been about ten, now he's twenty-five and was planning on getting married. Then his world came to a crashing end. I always imagined my brother being here to be an uncle to my children and for me to be an aunt. Now he won't ever be a uncle, or be a real father to his own children. It isn't fair. But apparently God had a plan and he decided to take him. I miss my brother a lot and just wish he was here to talk to but he isn't. Lance was a great brother that grew into an even better man. We all could learn from the love he showed us." His sister walked back to her pew and hugged her parents then sat down.
The pastor began to talk again about the life that was lost and how sad it was. He introduced the final speaker and stepped away as the music began. Christina sat holding her dad's hand as the song she picked began to play.
"Looking back at the memory,
Of the dance we shared beneath the stars above.
For a moment, all the world was right.
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?
And I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end.
The way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain.
But I would have missed the dance.
Holding you, I held everything.
For a moment wasn't I a king.
But if I'd only know how the king would fall
And whose to say I might have changed it all.
And I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end.
The way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain.
But I would have missed the dance.
It's my life,
It's better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain,
But I would have had to miss the dance." "The Dance" by Garth Brooks.
Christina cried as the song ended. She stood and walked to the pulpit. Scanning over those there she felt as though she couldn't talk. But finally she opened her mouth and began to talk.
"Lance and I were suppose to get married in five days. I have been trying to think of what to say since Saturday, but I haven't been able to figure out what to say. There isn't anything I can tell you that you don't already know. Lance was a wonderful man. He took care of me even when he was sick. Lance made sure that I ate and sleep when I should, and all this while waiting to die himself. See not all people in the world are lucky enough to love like I have, but I don't know that I will be able to again. I think that Lance would be happy if we all remembered him and told the children around us that should have been affected by him about him. He wanted so bad to be a daddy and never got to. I am sorry I just don't know what else to so say." Christina said and paused, "I just wanted to say I loved him more then anything and that I am sure that you all loved him too."
The funeral progressed slowly and the ushers helped everyone to the front then out the doors in the back. As everyone passed by Christina and his family they hugged them and told them how sorry they were. Finally, everyone was gone but Christina. Christina stood and walked to the casket. She looked at the ribbons that were left. His mom and dad had taken the son, his sister removed the brother, and Shannon had taken the friend, they had each placed the ribbons into the casket beside Lance and now the only two left were daddy, and fiancee. She walked to the blanket of flowers and removed each ribbon and two roses. Stepping back up to the front she place the roses inside the casket, then the two ribbons on the pillow beside his head. Leaning down she said, "Good bye daddy, Good bye honey. I love you and will always remember you." She kissed his cheek, and put two pictures of them together into his suit pocket and a two-page letter she had written the night before. Standing up she cried as she walked out of the room.
Christina met Pam and Shannon in the back of the room and walked to the waiting limo. Lance's parents were in the first and the rest were in the second. They stood by the limos as the guys carried the casket to the waiting Hurst. Once at graveside everyone gathered around the open grave. It was an open field with few headstones and lots of space. As they lowered the casket into the dirt 25 roses were placed on top to remember each year he was alive.
Christina's mind drifted to the present as she neared the tombstone. She ran a hand over the top and cleared a few leaves. And sat her roses in front of the tombstone. She slowly sat down and read,
"James Lance 'Lansten' Bass
Born May 4th, 1979 - went to heaven November 29th, 2005.
Rest in Peace always- Mom and Dad
Thanks for the memories - The guys.
I'll always love you- Christina"
Below those was a cross and a small rose. Christina let the tears fall as she sat and began to think again, then began to fill him in on her life.
"Hey baby! Sorry I haven't been here in about a month, but I've been
kinda busy. Well I guess I don't really have to tell you this but I finally had the baby. It's a girl, and I named her Cynthia Jo Ann Bass.
Mom and Dad on both sides agreed with everything. They are all being so
wonderful. I can't believe how great they are. Man I was scared when it
was time though. I had been staying with my aunt for a few days and all
of a sudden it was time to go and everyone jumped into action. Aunt Jane and your mom were my coaches they were good. Kept me calm. I don't know what I would have done without them. But that's where I have been for the past month. Cynthia is sitting in my arms asleep right now. She is the perfect angel. Sleeps a lot but is also awake enough. She looks just like her daddy. Her hair is brown like your with my reddish streaks, and her eyes.oh gosh they weren't ever blue they are green, gray, pale clear, and blue like yours at times. They are so cute and neat. Lance, thank you for this wonderful baby. I am so glad I didn't give up on my life. I wanted to so many times. But I always had something to fight for. Well what's been going on since I was last here." Christina said as she thought, she had been there once or twicea week since the funeral. Everyone thought that she was going to cause herself more pain by continually going there but she felt at peace. It was almost as if he was talking to her and telling her how to go on. "I can't believe that five years ago today was when I met you. Five years has passed. I miss you so much right now. I guess it's because of what is going on. Oh yeah he guys have a memorial tour planned for in a month. It's going to be a month long and will be one performance every other day. It's all planned. They want me to go along and speak each night but I don't know if I will be able to. Cynthia will only be two moths old then. I'll see what happens I guess. JC started his own business. He's doing technical work for a new club in the area that is specializing in giving new groups a start. Chrissy finally finished the book about your life and strength. She wanted me to read it before it was published but I couldn't bring myself to sit down and read. Every time I tried I just started to cry. The rest of the group said it was great and that she really portrayed each person well. They got married on Valentines day. Don't ask me why but they moved the day up. It was a really nice wedding everyone was there. They take good care of each other. Shannon and Jonathan are working on the idea of getting married. Who knows how long it will take them to decide to do it? Joey and Sarah have set their date. I swear they are all getting married now. It's weird. Everyone is on this big marrying streak. Justin and Pam just got married today. That is where I was all day. Baby J said hi. He was the only one that knew where I was going today when I left the reception. I was just kinda tired of talking to people and trying to be happy. It's hard at times. Oh yeah.Carla just found out that she was pregnant. She's two months. They are so excited." Christina stopped talking and repositioned the baby as she slowly began to whine then settled back down. "I am trying to remember everything I wanted to tell you but I can't think. Shawna is coming down this week to help me with Cynthia for awhile. I need a little help hopefully I'll get this all down soon. Well baby, I just wanted to bring your daughter and let her see where her daddy was and let you see her. I miss you greatly. I wish you were still here. I hope
I am doing everything right and how you would want it. I need to go for
now, Cynthia is starting to get hungry. Oh yeah.I remembered what I
wanted to tell you, I moved back into the condo for now. I wasn't sure
at first but then once I had Cynthia I knew it was right. She sleeps in
our room in her bed for now but I have the spare room set up for her
room. I changed some stuff but most of it was how it was when you left.
I love you. I better go feed your girl before she starves. See you soon" Christina said as she stood and walked up to the tombstone. She kissed her hand then laid it on the stone and slowly walked away feeling relieved and full of life. This was her only way of being able to deal with what was happening in her daily life. Climbing back into her Grand Prix, she started the car and Cynthia calmed down as she drove home to take care of her baby, as Lance wanted her to. They would never forget the man that gave them the chance to live.
