MSTing by Edgey This is all in good fun This is not to insult the author Don't take this personally ^_^ All of these are all copyrighted to their respectable owners. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GUILTY VERSION 2.2: EPISODE 6= MATERIA: JUNON CANNON --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the far and distant future During a big fight, Guilty Gear fighters are gone away To a world of stories that bite. Edgey made a great attack, They could not even counter-act Edgey grinned a grin so sly She'll brake their brains until they cry. EVERYONE: "What the HELL!!" EDGEY: "I'll send them cheesy fanfics the ones that make you insane" (la la la) But they like to fight alot, so they can take the pain (la la la) Now keep in mind, they can't take control to make the fanfics stop Fighting is not the answer here Even if they want to kill each other GUILTY ROLL CALL ("Lets Rock!") Testament ("What the...?") Millia ("Oh boy!") Ky Kiske ("I don't like this") Sooooooooooool ("Go to hell") If your wondering why Edgey's mean and other pointless facts (la la la) EDGEY "Shut up and watch the fricken show! So sit down and relax" for Edgey's Theater of Brain Breaking (TWANG) ------------------------------------------------------------- KY: (To himself) Soon my pretty. Soon! SOL: What are you....doing? KY: Oh hello. Soon we will be out of here when I blast this "canon" SOL: Do you even have a power source? KY: Check. SOL: Does it work. KY: Haven't checked that out, but how hard could it be? SOL: When you try it out, tell me. I just need to find something big to hide behind. That's all. KY: Ack! It's Edgey! Cover it! EDGEY: What the heck it under that cloth? SOL: A present! EDGEY: It's for me right? (inncent smile) KY: Oh God no! Why would we buy you something. SOL: ACK! EDGEY: You...DARE say that to me! I even gave you guys a day off! Ky screwed it up! He's you fic!!! SOL: Good job ass! KY: Bite me! SOL: Oooooo! Kiske is starting to make come backs for once! >FINAL FANTASY VII >>Chapter Six: Junon Cannon MILLIA: I think I know what this fic is about! A man names his penis! Makes for great drama! >>* * * >>Tifa slapped her opponent down easily. SOL: Tifa seems more of the type to punch really. >>The head of Shinra's Weapon Department was furious. KY: (Scarlet) I'm furious! >>She ordered her two soldiers to shoot Tifa. KY: (Scarlet) Shoot Tifa! TESTAMENT: I just love choppey sentence structure! >>Of course, they fired numerous shots from a close >>range and missed horribly as Tifa easily escaped >>onto the Highwind. MILLIA: Much like those cheesey action movies. TESTAMENT: Word of advice to the soldiers. Stop and aim! >>"Damn that bitch!" yelled Scarlet. >>"You stupid soldiers couldn't even hit her!" TESTAMENT: Like I said, Stop and Aim! >>She kicked them both into the ocean in anger. SOL: So that's how Shinra down sizes! TESTAMENT: Gotta try that sometimes. MILLIA: Huh? TESTAMENT: I work for the government you know. KY: Right. >>"Kya ha ha! SOL: (Kefka) Mwee he he KY: (Selphie) Tee Hee MILLIA: (Sofia) Ooooooh ho ho ho ho!! TESTAMENT: (himself) Ah ha ha HA ha! TESTAMENT: Still got it. >>That's better." Avalanche had escaped from >>the hands of Shinra yet again. KY: Man they suck >>The President wasn't going to be too happy about this. >>Scarlet walked back into the local Shinra base. SOL: (Scarlet) Give my report, get out before he asks questions. If not, I'll have to sleep with him. >>On the top floor, Rufus, Heidegger, and a few soldiers were waiting. TESTAMENT: Kinky >>The man in the white trench coat spoke first. MILLIA: (Rufus) Don't touch the hair! >>"There you are, Scarlet. KY: (Rufus) Have you completed you mission. Did you get me my Pantine Pro V? >>We're all lucky to have survived the Weapon attack. TESTAMENT: (Rufus) And dammit my hair still looks great >>At least Avalanche is no longer a threat." >>"Um, sir?" questioned Scarlet. "We have a small problem." MILLIA: (Rufus) We're out of Mousse? >>Rufus could see in her face a hint of worry. MILLIA: (Rufus) Oh God, we are out of Mousse! >>"Hmmm... Heidegger, get these soldiers out of here. >>Scarlet, follow me into this room." SOL: Oh no! It's not obviouse that he's going to have sex with her. Oh no! >>Rufus led Scarlet into a small but private chamber. KY: Also known as the bedroom of looooove! >>Here Tifa and Barret had waited for seven days >>while Meteor advanced toward the Planet. MILLIA: Barret also had sex with a still sleeping Tifa in that room TESTAMENT: *snicker* I hope they remembered to throw away the paper towels they used. >>Rufus had caught a glimpse of Scarlet's face. >>"What's wrong, Scarlet? You're not laughing the >>way you usually do." SOL: (Rufus) It's my hair isn't it? >>Rufus was rather observant. MILLIA: For once. >>"Well, boss..." Scarlet sat down one of >>the two beds in the center of the room. >>She was horribly ashamed. "Avalanche escaped." TESTAMENT: (Scarlet) With your Hair spray! >>"What!?" KY: (Rufus) You know how much hair spray costs these days!? >>Rufus was pissed. TESTAMENT: How the hell did Rufus get into the beer stash! SOL: You Bastard! I was saving that for this weekend!! >>"How?" >>"They took the Highwind," said Scarlet softly. >>"Damn!" yelled Rufus. "It was that Cid, wasn't it? KY: Touche! It was Cid's beer stash! >>We should have killed them all when we had a chance." MILLIA: (Rufus) And take all there beer and hair care products away from them! >>"I'm sorry, boss," whispered Scarlet as she >>looked into Rufus' narrow eyes. KY: Not to mention blood shot! >>"Well..." Rufus was interrupted by a thought of the >>distant past. >>"Yes?" inquired Scarlet. >>"Oh, nothing. I just thought of something from a long time ago." SOL: (Rufus) The time I ran around naked at the staff Christmas party. That was pretty funny! >>"What is it, boss? You can tell me. >>You can tell me anything you want." MILLIA: (Rufus) This isn't my real hair. >>Rufus remembered the event clearly now. >>"Well, okay. I remember the day Dad hired you. >>It was almost ten years ago." TESTAMENT: (Rufus) Dad thought it would be cool to get me a prostitute for my birthday. >>Scarlet nodded in recognition. KY: (Scarlet) Aw yes, shrinky dink. >>"Yes. Your father was a good leader. >>It's too bad he was killed. But now Shinra has >>a far better master. Kya ha ha! TESTAMENT: My laughs better! TESTAMENT: Blah! That's gross! MILLIA: I love that little talent of mine MILLIA: Eeeew! Drool! >>That's you, boss." >>Rufus was rather impressed. "Thank you, >>Scarlet, but you may call me Rufus." SOL: Ooooo, first name basis! You know what that means? EVERYONE: SEX! <1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6> MILLIA: Mousse. Definatly Mousse. KY: No no no, trust me it's Hairspray. TESTAMENT: Uh uh, it's wire! SOL: I don't put wire in my hair! KY: Ah ha! It's either Mousse or Hairspray! SOL: Neither! EVERYONE ELSE: What!? SOL: Gel! Pay up! SOL: Fanfic sign! He he he! <6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1> >>Scarlet wanted to hear more. >>"Oh, okay, Rufus. What else did you want to say?" >>Rufus continued. "I remembered when Dad said that >>you were hired. I was glad that he had hired you. KY: (Rufus) I never had my own private hooker! >>After you left the office, I asked him if there was >>any way in the world I could be your TESTAMENT: Pimp >>boss. TESTAMENT: Same shit, different pile. >>He asked me why, and I told him. >>He said no, that company business and personal >>pleasure didn't mix." MILLIA: And yet, he still hired her to be Rufus' personal whore. SOL: *sniff* God bless the system. >>The President of Shinra bowed his head down after revealing >>the truth to his trusted employee. >>Scarlet was astonished at the truth. SOL: (Scarlet) I'm astonished >>"I didn't know that..." The head of the Weapons >>Department felt quite flattered. "I've been here >>for ten years, and I've let Shinra... I've let you down, Rufus. KY: There goes the Christmas bonus >>"No you haven't, Scarlet." said Rufus sadly. >>The unemotional leader of Shinra TESTAMENT: Wait up! Didn't it just say sadly back there!? Now he's unemotional. I think I'm going to malfuntion. >>took a seat next to his employee on the >>comfortable mattress. SOL: Where Barret boffed a sleeping Tifa. MILLIA: I think he missed a spot. >>He gently put his right hand around her right shoulder. >>"I'm a failure, Rufus. I don't know if I can go on..." >>cried the dejected Scarlet. KY: Scarlet is going to commit suicide? SOL: Well, she did say she couldn't go on with her life. MILLIA: The sooner the better. TESTAMENT: No more fic either. >>Rufus was now unusually compassionate. TESTAMENT: But still unemotional. >>"You've done a fine job so far, remember? KY: (Rufus) You pulling down Reno's pants at the staff Christmas party was the best. >>You've allowed Mako to spread throughout the >>Planet. You've found two Huge Materia and >>erected the Junon Cannon. SOL: (Rufus) You also erected me! >>You should be proud of yourself." >>Scarlet buried her head against Rufus' chest. MILLIA: And started making those cool farting noises. >>"Is that really enough? Is it worth it go >>on knowing that I've failed? I couldn't even >>kill that stupid bitch!" KY: (Rufus) Now, now. You could sell this video of Barret having sex with her. There is also the video of Tifa and Aeris having sex as well. >>Though she was sad, Scarlet felt a great comfort >>in Rufus' arms. He was being kind and gentle. TESTAMENT: Not like that time when he whipped that hampster across the room. >>She had never seen this side of him before. MILLIA: She never seen the right side of his face? Where have she been!? >>Rufus could no longer stand to see his top female >>employee like this. The memory of his father the >>day Scarlet joined Shinra continued to plague his mind. SOL: That wasn't much of a memory if you ask me. >>"Please, Scarlet, you can't give up. If you leave, I... >>I don't know what I would do without you." TESTAMENT: (Rufus) I would probably replace you with someone new but there would be a ten minute period where I would feel consolable. KY: How hard is it to find a new bimbo anyways SOL: I'm Britany Spears and I'm a stupid slut! Tee hee! MILLIA: That was harsh. SOL: So I'm not a fan! So crucify me! KY: (under his breath) Glady.... >>Scarlet was charmed by the President's kind words. >>She remembered Rufus' accomplishments. >>The spread of Mako, the two Huge Materia, the Junon Cannon... >>All were results of her hard work. KY: She deserves a cookie. >>"Thank you so much, Rufus." As she thought more about >>Rufus and Shinra, she suddenly realized how important >>she was to the organization. MILLIA: Anyone else feel that this fic is going down hill? TESTAMENT: I don't know, I'm feeling a warm fuzzy feeling......no wait, that's heart burn. My mistake. >>She felt a great sensation building in her heart. >>She couldn't resist. SOL: She lifted her skirt to reveal that she is a man! MILLIA: (Rufus) My god! It's Testament! TESTAMENT: ;_; That wasn't nice! >>She gave Rufus a long, hard kiss on the lips. KY: And in the distance a muted trumpet and a sexaphone are heard in the background. >>"Scarlet..." said Rufus quietly. Scarlet began sucking >>and licking at his neck. SOL: And then all the Turks walked in right at that moment....Ah poopie! >>"Stop... We can't do this... It's not right..." TESTAMENT: (Rufus) My hair needs more gel... (normally) Jeez! You could land the Titanic on this guys head and it won't get messed up. >>Scarlet looked up at Rufus. He was being weak. MILLIA: So she got out her whip and started beating him. >>She now had the upper hand. MILLIA: Waaaaaait.....I was right!? >>"Kya ha ha! SOL: (Tira) Oooooh ho ho ho ho!! MILLIA: (Koduchi) Oooooh ho ho ho ho!! KY: (Sofia) Ooooooh ho ho ho ho ho! TESTAMENT: Wait! Those are all the same! KY: We know. >>What's wrong, Rufus? Aren't your dreams >>finally coming true?" SOL: (Rufus) No >>Rufus' genitals enlarged >>as he held Scarlet close to him. KY: He better put ice on those. >>She was right. TESTAMENT: Rufus wears too much hair spray. >>He caught a peek down into Scarlet's red dress. SOL: And she was a man! MILLIA: She IS Testament! TESTAMENT: Will you stop! I'm not blonde!! This black hair of mine is natural you know! SOL: And yet his legs stay shaven and smooth! TESTAMENT: You got that....HEY!! >>He became excited and gave her a wild kiss on the lips. >>Their tongues wrestled together for well over a minute. KY: Wrestled together......What is this!? The WWF! MILLIA: Scarlets' tongue just did the Peoples Elbow!! SOL: She goes for the pin....1...2...3!! TESTAMENT: We have a new champion! KY: Me and my big mouth. >>She gently pulled away and caught her breath. >>Scarlet was enjoying their private time together. SOL: On the same bed Barret molested Tifa. >>"Rufus..." She pushed him away and off the bed. KY: And he hit his head on the floor. >>She knelt down at his feet and hugged his knees. >>Looking up, she said, "I want you, Rufus." >>Rufus stood tall and proud as Scarlet slowly and >>delicately pulled down his pants. MILLIA: (Scarlet) It's so small!! >>"Scarlet... What are you doing?" TESTAMENT: What's a good term for this....suckie suckie! >>Scarlet laughed. "Kya ha ha! TESTAMENT: (Shao Khan) Ah ah ah! You weak pathetic fools! >>What do you think? EVERYONE: Suckie! Suckie! >>I'm doing exactly what my job has required." MILLIA: Waaaaaaaaait!! That's not supposed to be in a resume......right? Oh god....O_O >>Scarlet was proud of her accomplishments at Shinra. SOL: She slept with the old president, she's going to score with the new pres, she had Reno run around in a pink nightie, she dominated all the men in her new dominatrix outfit and she beat Ellain in Monopoly. KY: Wow, she's good. >>"I'm finding your two Huge Materia, erecting your Junon Cannon, >>and allowing you to spread Mako all over me..." EVERYONE: O_O TESTAMENT: And I thought guys came up with stupid pick up lines!! KY: And you know this by...? TESTAMENT: I get hit on by men alot. ~_~ >>Rufus was initially silent as Scarlet began >>sucking on his Junon Cannon. EVERYONE: Whoa!! MILLIA: For the love of all that's natural! Stop with the stupid descriptions! KY: I think all of these paragraphs are a stinger alone! TESTAMENT: Too bad it wasn't the real cannon so then someone can pull the trigger and end this damn fic!! >>He had never been treated this way. >>He unleashed a stream of his Mako into her mouth EVERYONE: Mrrrahhhh!! TESTAMENT: I feel faint... SOL: Me too.... >>as she continued sucking and licking every little >>portion of his pulsating penis. TESTAMENT: DON'T YOU MEAN JUNON CANNON!!!! >>She tasted his warm, sweet fluids as she >>moved her tongue faster around his genitalia. >>After a few minutes, Rufus pushed Scarlet away from him. >>Scarlet felt rejected. "Am I doing a bad job?" KY: (Rufus) Yes. >>She could still feel the sticky residue of her boss >>in her mouth. TESTAMENT: DON'T YOU MEAN MAKO!! >>Rufus was kind to her. KY:There's a first TESTAMENT: Don't they mean "He was Mako to her"!? <1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6> TESTAMENT: (Clears throat) Good evening everyone, (Cheesey music starts playing) I'm going to read a EVERYONE! GET YOUR ASSES IN HERE!! SOL: What the hell? KY: What is this? MILLIA: Why are you wearing a woman's business suit? TESTAMENT: Bite me and listen! EVERYONE ELSE: Whoa.... TESTAMENT: (Clears throat) I'm going to read a passage from my new version of this fic replacing many words to fit the decriptions that the author desided to change. EVERYONE: Oh no... TESTAMENT: Tifa makoed her canon down easily. MILLIA: The world has come to an end. TESTAMENT: The Mako of Shinra's Weapon Materia was Junon Cannoned. She ordered her two Materias to shoot Tifa. Of course, they Junon Cannoned numerous Mako from a close range and missed horribly as Tifa easily Junon Cannoned onto the Mako. KY: GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF MAN! TESTAMENT: (Breaks into tears) I'm sorry! It's just the word replacement in the fic is horrible....HORRIBLE! (Ky hold Testament in his arms) KY: It's okay Junior.....it's okay. If you want, I'll show you wants under the covers over there. TESTAMENT: *Sniffle*....kay. KY: It's a "cannon"! EVERYONE BUT SOL: "Cannon"? MILLIA: Is it one that can blast us out of here? KY: No, actually it really makes hot chocolate I figured calling it a "cannon" would get more interest. SOL: I thought you said it would get us out of here!? KY: I got caught up in the moment.... hot chocolate? TESTAMENT: .........Kill the boy....... KY: The fanfic is starting TESTAMENT: Noooooooooooooooooo!! <6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1> MILLIA: I don't know why you changed Testament. That suit really matched you eyes. TESTAMENT: Thanks....I guess. >>"No, not at all Scarlet. It's just that..." SOL: (Rufus) It ruins my hair. >>He held her dress at the shoulders with his two hands. >>With a gentle touch that nobody could ever expect from him, >>Rufus removed Scarlet's red gown from her body and dropped >>it on the floor. MILLIA: Wait.....he can touch a womans dress and it comes off *snaps her fingers* just like that? SOL: I wish I had that power. KY: Yours would probably on work on Testament's skirt TESTAMENT: Lick me! Ass! MILLIA: I scense hostility >>Scarlet removed Rufus' white shirt for him TESTAMENT: Because he didn't know how >>as he undid her lingerie, exposing her >>spectacular breasts and juicy pussy. KY: Juicy pussy.....is that a new flavour for Juicy Fruit? >>Scarlet snuggled closer to Rufus. >>"I love you, Rufus." EVERYONE: Sex equals love! >>Rufus finally admitted his feelings. >>"I love you too, Scarlet." MILLIA: And then he boffs her and he dumps her right on the spot. *tisk* >>The President of Shinra followed the head of >>the Weapons Department as they both fell onto >>the soft bed. SOL: That Barret had sex with Tifa on. >>Their arms held around each other in a passionate embrace. >>Rufus felt Scarlet's glorious pair of chest cushions >>compress and toughen against his heart. EVERYONE: CHEST CUSHIONS!? TESTAMENT: I feel light headed.....O_O >>Scarlet spread her legs out EVERYONE: Crrrrreeeeeeeeeeek!!! >>as Rufus moved >>his cannon into uncharted territory. TESTAMENT: Now I have an urge to kill....ressurect Justice.....kill all fanfics....ressurect Justice... TESTAMENT: Thank you..... KY: Not all fics are bad....only these ones. >>His low grunts >>of happiness were masked only by her joyful moans >>of sheer erotic pleasure. He shot his Mako TESTAMENT: I NEED BLOOD SACRIFICES NOW!!! >>around her entrance as she unleashed a flood of pure, >>orgasmic ecstasy SOL: By Herbal Essence >>in response. They held each other tighter KY: Crushing all their bones. >>as they continued acting out their passions. >>An large yet insignificant amount of time passed >>before they were done with each other. MILLIA: They both relized the guards were watching the whole time....and what a mess they made! TESTAMENT: Better get those paper towels. >>The two got up and redressed themselves. >>They kissed once more before they left the >>room together, the signs of their sin hidden from all. SOL: Other then the fact that Rufus has a BIG wet spot right infront of his pants. >>Heidegger was looking out the window in the next room. >>He observed Weapon's wrath upon the city. TESTAMENT: Eeeeeeew! Rufus gets around. MILLIA: No no no! That's the Junon canon, not weapon. TESTAMENT: Oooooooh! >>He turned as Rufus and Scarlet entered the room. >>"The plane is ready to take you to Midgar, sir." >>Rufus jumped a bit when Heidegger spoke. KY: (Rufus) I didn't have sex with Scarlet okay!!! >>"All right, then. We're headed back to Midgar. >>We have Meteor to deal with now." >>Scarlet resumed her usual attitude. SOL: (Scarlet) Call me Queen!!! >>"Kya ha ha! That stupid Meteor stands no >>chance against the forces of Shinra, Inc." MILLIA: Oh....it stands a chance. >>Heidegger laughed in agreement. "Gya ha ha! >>We'll win, as always." EVERYONE: Bull shit! >>Rufus turned on Heidegger. "Stop doing that >> stupid horse laugh, tubby." KY: There's a shot! >>Heidegger was enraged. "But Scarlet..." >>Rufus continued bugging Heidegger. "Never mind Scarlet. >>Just do what I tell you." SOL: Oh I get it. You boff the boss and you don't get yelled at. The other guy does! >>Scarlet laughed as the three walked to the plane. MILLIA: And run right into the propeller! >>A long time ago, she didn't think she >> could work for a company like Shinra. TESTAMENT: Sleep with everyone and your in! >>She was very proud of her accomplishments. >>Now she had gone all the way with the President. >>Her wet underskirt was evidence of her act. KY: And Rufus' hair is a mess! SOL: Really? TESTAMENT: Where? KY: There! SOL: My God!!! *BOOM* MILLIA: Sol broke down again. TESTAMENT: I'll fix him later. >>She longed to once again see, feel, >>and enjoy his powerful Junon Cannon. TESTAMENT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *BOOM* MILLIA: Uh oh....... >>* * * >>This is a story that will have a tragic outcome, KY: Testament and Sol just had a tragic outcome....ouch. MILLIA: Wow. >>as neither Rufus nor Scarlet will survive >>the war against Sephiroth. >>Rufus seemed so lonely; his job always >>interfered with his personal desires. KY: His constant hair brushing....moussing...gone! >>He's a pretty cool guy, thanks in part to his >>funky trench coat and massive shotgun MILLIA: O_O >>(a real gun, not that kind). MILLIA: OH right....Junon Canon... >>And Scarlet? KY AND MILLIA: BITCH! >>Well, she's usually viewed as a dumb whore KY: Ah! Some truth out of this fic! >>(come on, you know it's true). MILLIA: Oh we do.... You know how to fix a gear, right? KY: Not a clue. MILLIA: Shit. >>I wanted to show the deep and hidden >>emotional side of both of these characters. KY: And failed miserably. >>I was wondering... Did Heidegger and Scarlet die >>with the Proud Clod? MILLIA: Where the hell did the Turks go when they go the tar kicked out of them at the end huh? HUH!? >>I'm assuming they did, but there's no definite proof. KY: Dead....definatly dead. >>You can e-mail me at sailor_terra@hotbot.com with >>any ideas on your mind. MILLIA: Do you know how to fix a gear? KY: That's a pretty cool talent.. MILLIA: Yeah yeah.... <1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6> KY: So I just adjust this and... MILLIA: Oh wait, that's to start the radio mechenism. Try hitting the back of their heads. TESTAMENT AND SOL: It's a good ship, lol-e-pop! It's a good ship, lol-e-pop! MILLIA: Shut them off! Shut them off! For the love of all that's natural! Shut them off!! MILLIA: Oh Wait! Here it is! How to fix a gear that blew up under trama. TESTAMENT: Ahh! SOL: Who's there! KY: They're back! TESTAMENT: How come I have this strange urge to start chain smoking? SOL: How come I have an urge to wear leather skirts? KY: Close enough.... The End.....For now STINGER: **Rufus felt Scarlet's glorious pair of chest cushions compress and toughen against his heart.**