STRINGER:
THE GUITAR GOD
By Clavin
Jonny was a guitar master…or so he thought. He could play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with the best of them. He knew a few chords too. G, D, C, and Am. Of course, he didn’t know the chords were called G, D C, and Am. All he knew was that they were the chords in Knocking On Heaven’s Door-the only song he could play with chords. His father had taught him how to play it a year ago. That, along with Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, were the only songs he ever dared to play, in fear that someone might think him not very good.
One day, while Jonny was sitting in his room playing Knocking on Heaven’s Door on his expensive guitar, he heard a deep voice coming from the sky.
“Put the guitar down at once!” the voice said.
Jonny, at first, was scared. But then he though to himself, ‘I am a guitar master, I don’t have to take this crap. “Who the hell are you?” he blurted out, not knowing the terror he was about to experience.
“I am Stringer, the guitar god! Do as I say, and no one will get hurt!” the voice urged from the sky.
Now, to anyone with any common sense, the sound of Stringer’s voice would send shivers down their spine. But, since Jonny was such a moron, he just got pissed.
“I will do no such thing. I am the greatest guitar player on the face of the planet, and I aint never heard of no ‘guitar god’!” Jonny had had plenty of practice sticking up for himself with all the other people that told him he sucked. But he had no idea of what, or who he was messing with on this eye-opening day.
“Jonny,” Stringer said, with a concerned tone in his voice, “You suck. Give it up. You will never be a good guitar player. I always thought that it was a good thing to have self esteem. But then I heard you play, and I came to a realization: Self esteem, in some cases, is worse than Satan himself. And I know, I’ve met the guy, he’s a real ass-hole. So please, if not for me, than for music-lovers kind, put the freaking guitar down.
Jonny sat there for a minute thinking about what Stringer had said. And, of course, being the moron he was, he still didn’t get it. So, he decided to just turn his amp up louder and ignore the voice of the so called ‘guitar god’. And so he started playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. He had played it so much, that he could improvise and add his own touches to it. Actually, they were just mess up’s, but he would never admit it.
“DAMMIT!”, came the voice from the sky again. “Why won’t you freaking listen to me!”.
“Because, you have know idea what you’re talking about. I am great. You’re probably just jealous because I am better than you.”
Then, Stringer got an idea. “I’ll tell you what, Jonny. I’m going to play a song, and if you can play it back to me, I’ll leave you alone.”
“You got a deal, man.” But then he remembered, he only knew two songs, and he got a little nervous.
All of a sudden, the sound of a guitar came from the sky. It was such a sweet, but simple sound. It was sort of a bluesy chord progression. After four bars of the song, it stopped. “Your turn. HA HA HA!”
At that point, Jonny got scared. He knew he couldn’t play it, but he had to try. So, he started playing some chords, only, they didn’t sound like chords. They didn’t sound like anything, really, except, maybe, a cat being stomped on by a giant frog, or something like that.
Then it hit him, right out of nowhere, the realization that he was not a great guitar player at all, in fact, he downright sucked. He slowly turned off his amp and put down his guitar. “I now know that I wasn’t meant to play guitar. I leave this guitar here for you Stringer.” Then he stood up and walked out of the room.
Meanwhile, down in the little mouse hole in Jonny’s room, Franky the mouse crawled in through the back door carrying a boom box, a microphone, and tape entitled ‘Blues Guitar Riffs’. “It worked! It worked!”
All the other mice in the hole ran to him and held him up in the air. “It worked! It worked!” They would never have to hear him play again.
THE NEXT DAY
As Jonny came walking through the door, carrying his brand new drum set, …
THE END
