So I was sitting outside one day smoking a cigarette (yes, I know that all Earmuffs storys start out similar to this) when Earmuffs walked outside. He started talking about how he had to start rolling his own cigarettes. He then mentioned that it would be much easier if he had a cigarette roller. I then mentioned that I had a couple, as I had once dabbled in rolling my own cigarettes
"Oh, really?", he remarked. "Well, I might have a TV or a stereo or something I might be willing to trade you for it." Now, of course at this point Im thinking 'This guy's out of his fucking mind.' I told him I might have to take him up on that deal one of these days. Now the TV specifically appealed to me since a complete dumbass, who shall rename nameless and whom I hope reads this and doesn't like it, decided that it would be a good idea to get drunk and take a leak all over my TV (along with the rest of my living room).
This conversation pretty much went forgotten for a few weeks untill one night when I was sitting outside smoking (imagine that), and Earmuffs walked out (imagine that!). "Hey", he said.
"Did you still want to make that trade? I was in a swindling mood, so I said OK. So, Selsyn and I went up to Earmuffs apartment (which was an adventure in itself). Earmuffs went about showing us all this merchandise he had. He showed us the first TV. "This one picks up HBO for some reason." He showed us and I saw a bunch of squiggley lines on the screen. He then moved on to the next TV. "This one gets naked girl pictures." (I tried this in my apartment and it doesn't work) "It's pretty wierd," he said. "These girls are just sitting there naked and these guys come in and they just start going at it. I don't know, maybe if you stare at it long enough the girls are supposed to come to you." Crazy fucker. So, as we went through his dungeon of an apartment, he kept throwing in more stuff. By the time we were done, we had three TV's, two VCR's, a stereo including a turntable, tape deck, a radio, and two speakers, a separate tape deck, 1 technics speaker, a set of nice headphones, a lamp, and a bottle of sun tan lotion (don't ask, I'm still having trouble figuring that one out). And Earmuffs had a three dollar cigarette roller that I didn't even pay for. Now Earmuffs is rolling away and Gonzo and I are living in luxery.
