One day when I got home from work, I noticed a couch in the lawn. Now, this is especially strange since the couch was in the yard of an apartment building. That night when I picked dr. gonzo up from work, I mentioned it to him and he said he had seen it. We were both dumbfounded as to who the hell would leave a couch in front of an apartment building. I know if I had to build the energy to move a couch outside, there had better be a pretty damn good reason, and just leaving it outside isn’t really that great of a reason.
Well, that night as we were sitting in our apartment bored as a teenager watching Oprah, we decided to go outside to have an outside smoke. When we got outside and started... smoking we saw the couch again. It looked quite inviting, much more so than the half ass stoop we usually sit on, so we decided to sit in it. The couch only had one cushion that didn’t even match. dr. gonzo, being the power hungry selfish bastard that he is, had to have the cushion (actually he got to it first).
As we were sitting in the couch doing whatever, we felt a powerful wind, the hairs on my back stood up, and dr. gonzo and I were each trembling in fear. Then we looked towards the door and realized, “Oh, it’s only Earmuffs.” We then felt safe (at least as safe as a person can feel around a crazy guy who’s wearing long johns with briefs over them).
As Earmuffs was walking towards us, he said, “So, I see you found my old couch!”
“Yep.” I said as I was thinking, “that figures.”
He came over and sat beside the couch to talk to us. “Yea, I was talking to my mom and she said she was driving by and saw two guys carry it out and leave it hear when I was gone.” As he said this, there was no trace of surprise or anger in his voice. Now, who the hell just goes into a guy’s house takes a couch and leaves it outside? Maybe friends playing a practical joke, but for that you first have to HAVE friends, which Earmuffs most certainly doesn’t. This guy has got to be delusional.
Now, as we were outside, I pointed out my new car to him (an ’85 Chrystler 5th Ave.). His eyes got huge and he stared at it for about five minutes. Then he asked “How could you afford something like that?!?!??!!?!?!??!?!?!?!” I told him that I paid eight hundred bucks for it. Well that got him on one of his rants. “Wow”, he said, “The last time I spent that much money I must have been living eleven years in a different town. But of course then I was paying four hundred dollars for rent, and about two hundred dollars a day on meals…one meal a day, and I had this hospital bill back then that was something like seven thousand dollars a week or something like that.” Sometime in the past few minutes it had started sprinkling a little bit. All of a sudden, it started raining a little harder…but not too hard for me to get off my lazy ass, it was still nice out. Earmuffs stood strait up and headed to the door without saying a word. And that was the last we saw of Earmuffs that night.
Be sure to check out the next chapter in the continuing saga of Earmuffs.
