I hate the sun. It's gay. It's always shining around like 'OH! Look at me! I brighten up EVERYONE'S day! LALALA!!!' It doesn't brighten up my day! Well, technically, I suppose it does, but if I had it my way, we'd be living by candle light.
Me and the sun go way back. We used to be tight. We used to be homees. Then, there was that one fateful day when I was like seven. He sent out invitations to his birthday party to like EVERYBODY in the whole city... well, everybody but me... I cried for hours, when I decided that I would not rest... I would not sleep until the sun was gone! But then I fell asleep... kinda ruined that one, didn't I?
Before yesterday, I didn't really mind the sun. But fate has a funny way of changing things when you're not looking (HA! That's from Max Payne!!) Anyways, I was walking down the streets, being friendly and saying hi to everybody. I looked up to say hi to the sun, and guess what it did?! IT TRIED TO BLIND ME! MY eyes started watering, and right then and there, I knew I needed revenge. So, I did what any sane man would do. I pushed down the mailman, stole all of the heavy packages out of his bag, and started throwing them at the sun as I yelled out profanities. It just stood there and mocked me because I can't hurt it, but it can hurt me. So, then I had a brilliant idea. I figured I would just take my anger out on the mail man and completely beat the shit out of him. One of my nosy neighbors was watching this whole thing, and called the police. However, my supersonic hearing picked up the phone dialing 9-1-1, so I jumped through the window and tackled that old bitch before she could call the police. Then, I kicked her a few times just for the hell of it, dove back out, and hid. The police soon came and arrested her for prank-calling the police. They just ignored the mailman, because nobody likes mailmen. They're stupid. I hate them almost as much as I hate the sun... OH! Back to the sun. Anyways, after that day, I decided to start watching it. So, I put on my sunglasses (you need sunglasses so the sun doesn't blind you. I'm a quick learner.) Anyways, I put them on and looked towards the sun! Let me tell you something! THAT SUN IS SO RUDE!!!
How mean! When I'm President, the first thing I'm going to do is nuke the sun. Notice how I said WHEN I'm President, not IF I'm President. I'm going to be President. That's how much I rule.
Anyways, people think it's a bad idea to nuke the sun. I tell them that they're just being selfish! No matter what you say, I'm still going to nuke it! I have a response for like every reason you people think it's a bad idea! Here's the top 3:
These pictures were just placed here as proof that human life is getting VERY stupid. Or maybe it's just a bunch of people that I hate... either way I win. The sun's gay. You're wrong. I'm right. We'll leave it at that for today!
