We're not going to do another break-down like we did in the last article, but trust me, I am way cooler... which gave me an idea... why don't they just let ME run the school system... hehe that would kick so much ass. Now, if you're reading this and you think (NO, not Sean!!) hear me out first...

I have some ideas for the Public School System. First of all, out with these stupid books and shit. The perfect school would be where girls came dressed as scuba divers and guys came dressed as zombies and we just danced the whole day to such songs as 'Bang On that Drum All Day' and 'What I Like About You.' Well, we wouldn't dance the whole day... actually we wouldn't dance at all. We'd... we'd.... dammit, what would we do? Well, I thought about it for a long time, and the schedule looks like this:

Homebase- Idolize me while the losers rub my feet. Every other week we would have a special hippo/pirate/spy/ninja guest speaker.

Period 1- I'll brainwash you so you think what I'm doing is right. I'll also put on my special karate show every once in a while.

Period 2- We watch 'Anaconda' every day for the whole year. Oh, by the way, I'll pull up a chair in front of the big screen TV and eat fries, drink pop, chew gum, and eat candy while you little fuckers don't get a thing!

Period 3- Gym class!! This is where we all get in shape! Well, by that I mean YOU all get in shape. By this time, I'll be thousands of pounds, and you guys will carry me down to M and H so I can get more candy... which I won't share with you.

Period 4- Lunch... yipee. For lunch, I'm thinking we'll have hot dogs and ginger ale every day while we watch the dancing clowns.

Period 5- Congradulations! You guys get a whole period to watch me make myself comfortable!! I'll listen to MY music, eat MY food, watch MY shows, and drink MY pop while you sit there and watch!

Period 6- We'll tell Puddle of Mudd that the anti-drug campaign is at our school every day. They'll come and then we'll throw shit at them because they suck. Oh, by the way, if you own the album Come Clean and you're not me, you suck too.

Period 7- We'll take a llama ride.

Period 8- This is pretty much the same thing as Period 5, except for this time, you guys get to obey my every command AND watch me eat!

Then you'll go home, where I'll spy on you the whole night. Am I crazy or does this rule!? I'll tell you what! We live in a democracy! If you Hagen people want Steiner OUT and me IN, just vote below!!

Screw this!! Why stop at Junior High when I'm cool enough to run every college in the country?! You see, I hate colleges. I have little to no research on them, but I hate them anyways. Yeah... apparently you need good grades to get into them? Screw grades! For mine, scholarships and such are based on coolness! Take a look at how we give you money! Total up your money and tell me how big of a scholarship you would have! It'll be fun!!

Will you be offering extra cirricular activities?No! Extra-cirricular activities take money which could have been spent on me! What do you think comes first in this world... you or me?

What rating do you think our school will uphold? You know the old saying... a school is just as cool as the person who runs it... so pretty damn good.

That's not an old saying...Yeah, well neither are you.

Will there be many strange happenings at our school, which could account for a rather comical movie? Oh yes, I'm sure our school will give the births to many comical duos, such as Spade and Farly, Chan and Tucker, and Sandler and Nicholson. We will probably be the birth of another cliche movie where the main character is bullied until one say when he finds a ghost in his attic... that gives me one final thought.

Hollywood, if you're reading this, please listen to my movie idea. There's a child (played by some kid I hate) who is having zany problems with this bully (played by someone cool) Then, one day, he looks in his attack and finds a lamp, which contains a GENIE!! (played by me) But, it turns out I'm not a nice genie and I imprison him and everybody else who goes to his school, and make them my slaves.

What did you think? I love it! Anyways, that's it for now, hope you enjoyed!!