Am I the only person ever to notice that the retarded kids are the most popular people in the whole school! Seriously! You know why, though, right? If you're sitting in class and you're like 'Hahah that retard is such a fag.' then everybody comes to the retard defense! Damn, I'm smarter and stronger than any retarded kid how come I don't have backup like that? I think I should.

Well, I know I'm deserving of having everyone back me up, but it just doesn't happen. I need to act more like the retards do. So, I came to a brilliant conclusion! It's like on that one movie: in order to learn the ways of the retard, you must BECOME the retard!!

Am I just crazy or is this gold? I think it's awesome! But, I ran into a few problems. For example, there are many different kinds of retards. I didn't know which one I should become! I thought about it for a long time, then I had a great idea! Why not take pictures of myself acting like a retard, then have my public vote on which one is the best?! I think that's a great idea!! Anyways, here it is:

Don't you just love these ones? These are my personal favorites. See, the trick is to be disabled enough for everybody to feel sorry for you, but not too disabled to not go to the school. As you can see, in this picture, I have bad elbows or something. So, everybody is going to immediately feel sorry for me. It's going to kick ass. I'll instantly get a supermodel girlfriend and a tropical hideout because everybody feels sorry for me! That's how being disabled works!!

Retard 2: The 'I'm too fat to get up and move' retard!

Every school has one of these. You all know who the one at our school is. Hint, he likes Pokemon. The way I see it, I could just sit on my fat ass and not move the whole summer, and be like this for next year! Then, I can take advantage of everybody at the High School, just because I'm fat and retarded. Man, this is going to be cool! This one might work even better than the disabled retard!!

Retard 3: The Retard who Likes to Hit!

We've got one of these at our school, too. He just gains instant respect! Being this kid is almost as effective as running up and kicking some dude you don't even know in the balls for getting respect! You'll walk through the halls and everybody will be like 'hey, that's the retard that punches people. I might also get a seizure helmet, to help people understand my retardedness a little bit better.

Retard 4: The 'I'm So Depressed' Retard
I'm sorry, my camera died right before I could connect with this one! I'll upload the picture as soon as possible! Anyways, you're all familiar with this one too! He's always crying and bitching about how he hates his life. He claims he has Parkinson's or Terrets or something, but he really just wants attention. See, I don't find this one too popular because nobody likes a cry baby! I like to beat up cry babies just to hear them cry more! This was just a suggestion, but it is probably the least effective!

The polls are closed. The hitting retard won! Looks like I have to get good at beating people up and shit! Here were the stats:

-Disabled (1)
-Fat (3)
-Hitting (5)
-Depressed (2)

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