I'd Like the Elderly a Lot More if They Were Dead!
I hate old people. I can't help it. There's always going around... being old! They take up space, they use food, they smell funny, and they drive really slow. Dammit, if I could drive, and I saw an old person who couldn't see over the steering wheel, I'd do him a favor and crash into the side of his car. Ha! He would deserve it. Oh, wait, I didn't mean I'd do him a favor. I meant I'd do myself a favor! HAHAHA!!!
Holy shit, I'd hate to be this guy! An old fat jew! That sucks. I'd like to watch this guy die. Not because he's old, fat, and jewish but... oh wait, I guess that is why... hehe. Dammit I rule.
Anyways, another one of my top groups I hate is starving people. We have to pay nickels and dimes in those boxes in restaurants for them, or we'll look like jackasses. Well, I steal from those boxes because I AM a jackass, but they still take money. So, I came up with a perfect solution for the old person and starving person problem. That's right, it's called the "Old and Starving Solution."
The Old And Starving SolutionOkay, here's what we do. We find a lake full of shitty water about 10 feet away from an African refugee camp, filled with starving people. Then, we build an island in the middle of it, close enough so they can get to it and see it... but THEN! Then we put electric barbed-wire it, so they can't get on the island. We go back to America for a little bit, pick up about... oh, three hundred old people and tell them we've got hot young whores for them on the island. We then go to the other side, so the refugees can't see us, and shoot all three hundred of the old people. Next, we build a gigantic grill and hire some fat dude to man it. He turns all of the old people's corpses into hamburgers, which we will then put on buns. Next, we fly in one hundred and fifty hogs, take them to the island right in front of the refugees, and give them all of the hamburgers. They, of course, will be close enough so the refugees can SEE them eating the hamburgers, but not get there! They'll think that the pigs are getting REAL hamburgers, and hopefully they'll storm my island and get electricuted! Even if they don't, it will still be funny for all of those starving people to watch these huge pigs eating hamburgers when they're about to die of starvation! Not to mention all of those old people we wiped out! Holy shit I rule!
Haha that would be funny! Now, if only we could get somebody heartless enough to actually do it... wait, that would be me! Get me a helicopter, electric barbed-wire, and a hundred fifty pigs, and I'll do it!
Now that I've revealed my evil plan, I'm exhausted from being so damn evil. Oh wait, no, I'm just thirsty. And GOD DAMMIT!! I'm out of Dr. Pepper!! WHY GOD?!??!?!!?
Home(No Old People Allowed)
