Alright, I was down at the mall yesterday being completely awesome, when I heard the kid in that picture above telling all of his fat gothic girlfriends about how he prank called some guy and he never found out who he was! Immediately, all of the girls were like 'Oh Joey! Won't thine please tell us another tale?' and they all started laughing about some joke I didn't get. Probably because they didn't get it either. They were probably just laughing because they're so jealous of me. Anyways, this Joey kid steps up and he's like 'Here it goes! Alright! Yesterday, my mom gave me a ride down to JCPenny's with my allowance! There was this one shirt with a slogan that said 'I hear voices and they don't like you.' My mom told me I couldn't get that one.' He paused for a while then added 'I bought it!' Which of course got all sorts of applause from those girls that give me nightmares. But, Joey continued. 'The total came to 13.54. I only had 13.50. So, guess what?! I went over to those Take A Penny, Leave A Penny... and I took FOUR pennies... AND DIDN'T LEAVE ANY!!!!' They pretty much started praising him right there. I was about to tell him how big of a fruit he was, then I had a better idea!

I figured lots of people would want to be like this. I mean, why wouldn't you!? So, I immediately went to work researching how to be a wannabe jackass and winning the attention of thousands of goths and fatties!

Yeah! You know what I'm talking about! You gotta change everything about yourself, including your clothing. For example, start wearing lots of shirts containing scary dragons or charactors from Dragonball Z so everyone knows how tough you are! Wear baggy jeans and walk like you have a limp so everyone knows that you're cool! Also, a pierced ear and wearing headphones everywear and pretending they're connected to a CD player would do wonders. And last but not least, go out with a senior. It doesn't matter how ugly they are. If you wanna be a wannabe jackass, you have to do this.

Step 2: Tell Stories of Everything That Might Be AmmusingHey! I don't care if it's about you killing your grandma, you stealing candy, or you and your friends buying a ticket for a PG movie and going into a PG 13 one! You have to be a jackass and the whole world has to know. Hell, if nothing amusing happens to you for a while, just make something up! That's what I do... or... I mean... I don't do... haha... haha. You have to keep the world of goths amused though. A lot of the time, it's a good idea to write your adventures in poetry form! POETRY'S SO COOL!!!

Step 3: Be Ready to Ditch All Your Friends This one comes in real handy when your with some popular people that don't want you there but you follow them anyways. When they start making fun of your best friend, you can just be like "Yeah I know!! He's so gay!!" Chances are, if they don't like you, they're going to tell your best friend you said that, but it's worth being a wannabe jackass over, isn't it? Then, if your best friend beats the shit out of you, you can take him back and say "I didn't wanna hurt him... he's my best friend." If they bring up the fact that you were calling him names a week ago, refuse to clarify the situation. NO! Don't just refuse! Refuse with attitude! You know what I'm talkin' about... you gotta go "Whatever! Whatever! I'll do what I want!"

Step 4: Kill a Few Animals and Threaten to Kick Some AssKill animals! Who doesn't love crazy fucks that kill animals! I know I do, and I know you do! If anybody doesn't, just say you could have kicked their asses, you just didn't want to because your dad died!!! If they come at you again, just show them the scary dragon on your shirt and they'll be sure to back down! Man, I rule!

Step 5: Make Lots of Prank Calls. Lots.The most important part of being a wannabe jackass is the prank calls! Let's say you're talking to someone on a payphone, but you only have ten minutes! An easy way to fill that time slot is talk about prank calls! Each one takes a minute or two to tell about, and then they think you're awesome! There will also be several opportunities to bring up how many prank calls you've made, such as "I'm getting a new cell phone for Christmas" or "I have to call my parents."

That's all I have for now. Aren't you glad I'm so cool? I know you are. I'm a genious! The number one reason I'm so cool is because I'm not these guys:

That's all I have for you guys right now. The Mummy's on TV and I'm gonna watch it!!!!!!!

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