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Fat? Stupid? Ugly? Guess What!? You're Not Reproducing!!!

With this article, I'm not meaning to be cruel... oh, wait... yeah I am. For once, though, I think I actually have a point on this one. Usually when you see a person disgusting enough that your friend offers you a dollar to touch them, you naturally blame it on that person. But, when you really think about it... most of the time, their parents are fat and disgusting too! If somebody had just not been a complete pussy and objected at their wedding like everybody was aching to do, this whole problem would be solved! Hell, you wouldn't even need a reason. When the priest asked for your reason for objection, you could just say "We don't need another fat and/or stupid person to suck down our food and money. We already would have two too many welfare-drainers in this family if these two were to get married!" You wouldn't get denied. I bet the priest would agree.

I came up with the perfect solution! We should pay somebody fourteen trillion dollars a year to sit in an office and accept or reject marriages... hey!! I should be that person! Anyways, all I would have to do is sit their all day playing the Helicopter Game on addictinggames.com, and every time someone walked into the office, I would just say yes or no judging them on things I, myself, would not liked to be judged on. I don't really care about that though. My philosophy has always been 'Do onto others, because they suck too bad to do it back unto you.' You know what? We could make this fun.

We could get me a wardrobe of black tight shirts, a British accent, and some really weird hair and make me like that American Idol dude. Then, when someone walks in I could just say 'I truly believe you are the fattest/stupidest/ugliest/smelliest person in America!' Fuck, that'd be cool! I need some assistants too. (who get paid by how much I like them) So, yeah, if you wanna work in the Birth Approval Agency, just talk to me, Mr. D. By the way, just to clear things up, I just changed my name to Mr. D for no real good reason. That sounds like a toothpaste company doesn't it? Mr. D's Dental Care? Yep. I'm pretty sure it does.

Mr. D has just decided to refer to himself in the third person. Anyways, that's the way it's going to be. Mr. D will just sit there for a long time with his volunteer assistants that he will pay out of his own pocket, judging people on his first impression of them, using a British accent. If they continue to apply time after time, we'll feed them to those homeless people that your parents always bitch about at Christmastime. It'll last them a long time, cause they're fat!! Mr. D would giggle about that, but he's much too slick.

Also, Mr. D's toothpaste company will hit it huge, and possibly have an action figure and video game series come out, where you are a tooth with Mr. D's toothpaste bottle and you blast at all those evil cavities. He'll probably get his own grocery store, too, just for the hell of it. I just got sick of typing Mr. D, so I'm not refering to myself in the third person anymore.

Okay... I'm done now. I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna sit here and stare at a wall for a while...

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