I'm going to kick the law's ass! Wanna help me? God dammit I just hate it so much!!

Okay, let me explain myself. The other day, me and my friends were bored at lunch hour at school. So, we did what every junior high kid would do! We started galloping like horses around our supervisor. Oh, by the way, she's retarded and she loves rodeos and horses. Anyways, the bitch just starts screaming at us. She's like 'That is enough!! YOU ARE HARASSING ME!!' It was pretty damn funny, but harassment is kinda serious, so we immediately denied it! After all, we weren't making fun of her... just her favorite pastime. She let it go that time, but she warned us the next time, we'd be in juvenile court!

I don't get it. I get harassed by teachers all day. A perfect example is my science teacher! He's always saying stuff like 'You're too lazy', 'you need to stop messing around' and 'You need to work harder.' Now THAT'S harassment. I put up with it the whole year, then ONE day, I call him a queer and BAM! I'm suspended! How does this work? He harassed me first!

When I was out of school, I thought about it hard, when I came to the brilliant conclusion of what was going on! Only COOL people get charged with harassment!! It's true! Take a look around! Mike Tyson got charged with harassment in 98 because he's a stud! Same with the one black Supreme Court Justice. Yup... oh! And guess why Peewee Herman got charged with harassment in 81! Eh-hem, because he is a PIMP! See? I'm right again! Only cool people get charged with harassment.

Now, if you DON'T get charged with harassment, it doesn't mean you're not cool... oh, wait... yeah, it does. Loser. (Except you can still be cool if you're my hero, best friend, or a leading member in one of my clubs.)

Hmmm... that last statement gave me come good ideas. I'm going to start a Harassment Club! Come on, it's gonna be fun! We'll go out and make fun of people for things they can't help. What a great idea! I've already gotten one member... he's cool, meaning he gets charged with harasment. You know who I'm talking about...

The American proclaimed Pimp of the Year, Alf!! Yeah, he's in my harassment club, too. He just recently got charged for it. For those of you who did not hear the story, I'll explain it to you.

Alf was walking down the streets, when a little fat kid ran up and gave him a hug. Alf thought the kid was attacking him, so he cried out. He was like 'Get off my you little fat faggot!!' Oh, did I mention he was a little drunk at the time? He was. Anyways, the kid starts crying, and Alf thought it was a trick. I agree. I think the little kid was gonna start attacking once Alf started being nice. So, Alf picked up the kid and powerbombed him. A little old lady on the street saw it, and started screaming for the police. All of a sudden, there were helicopters there and everything! Alf turned into King-Kong as Wal-Mart turned into the Empire State buiding. He grabbed the old lady and started climbing as the police shot and he fell... I gotta stop smoking dandelions...

Anyways, that's exactly how it happened. They called it harassment and assault, I call it self-defense. It doesn't matter now, though. Alf's in my harassment club.

That's about all I have to say about this right now. Remember... harassment is cool because I am. Alf is cool because he's a harasser. And Keebler elves are cool because they just are.