Yesterday was not my day. First of all, I went to school, where all of the teachers are stupid. Then, I got a detention for ripping down Student Council campaign posters of people who I hate. As if matters couldn't get any worse, I went home to find that a hermit moved into my room and I would be sleeping on the couch from now on. This was no average hermit, either... this thing was scary. He had a ray gun and shit. He also smelled real weird... that's probably because he's a smelly old hermit though. Anyways, I took a picture of him for you.

So, mad and weirded out beyond reason, I turned to the one thing that had never let me down (before now). That, my friends, would be my TV. I thought it was time for my show on Cartoon Network, "Tom the Trigger Happy Hippo." Well, I turned on the TV to find out that there WAS no show called "Tom the Trigger Happy Hippo," and there had never been. Instead, it was "The Flintstones," which I was so low at the time I watched it. Let me tell you... it was fucking retarded. Okay, here's what happened. They were traveling around the city in these foot-powered cars... that's really original... except for that it isn't. Anyways, they were driving around when Fred and his little dumbass friend accidentally hit a VIP for Fred's stupid company. They went into panic, trying to hide the body and pretend he just wouldn't show up. In the end, he woke up and came out and they thought it was a ghost. I mean, come on... the only person in the whole world who is cool enough to be a ghost is me. Then, they apologized and it had a happy ending... Say, this was a lot like an episode of Spongebob, which, by the way, came out MUCH earlier than the Flintstones.

I was so pissed at this show that I went out and I killed every last caveman. Didn't you notice this morning when you looked out your window and didn't see a single caveman? Yeah, that's because of me.

Alright, I completely hate cavemen. I hate the Flintstones. I hate Fruity Pebbles. I hate that Cap'n Crunch commercial with the cavemen in it. I hate little queers who dress up as cavemen for Halloween. Chances are, if you're a cavemen or associated with cavemen in any way, I hate you too. In fact, here's just a little warning for people who are cavemen...

For those of you who are retarded, I'll spell it out for you. I'm gonna kill you if you're a caveman. They picked the wrong time to air their stupid show. Why the hell does this silly fuck get his own cereal, TV show, and movies?? That's gay. I vote him out and me in. I'm betting you feel the same way, don't you? The only thing they'd have to do to make the Flintstones cool is to take out the whole cast, move the setting to Mars in 2030, keep the dinosaurs, and put in me as Rudolph the Caveman Hating Dinosaur Killer. Then give me a ray guy and we're set. I would go up to a dinosaur and be like BEW!! BEW BEW BEW!!! then I would set it on regular fire and be like POW! PA-POW POW POW!! And he would be dead... I think Rudolph the Caveman Hating Dinosaur Killer would be pretty cool... almost as cool as Tom the Trigger Happy Hippo. I SWEAR that was a show? Don't you remember that? Where a hippo came in, pulled out a gun and started firing as the whole world danced to Mumbo Number 5? Damn that was a sweet show.

The thing that pisses me off the most about the Flintstones is the lack of realism. They didn't have machines back then. They didn't have a language either. Oh, and by the way, hogs can't be garbage disposals. I tried it one time. Pelicans can't be cement mixers. Homer tried it. And T-Rex's tails can't be swings... unless... wait a minute!! If animals are their slaves then why the hell are the pulling their own carts using foot power! Hook up a few dinosaurs and make them do your dirty work! That's what Rudolph would do! Then do you know what he would do?? He would kill them, because he's Rudolph the Cavemen Hating Dinosaur Killer!!

I can't really think of much more. Oh, except cavemen are gay. They eat hot dogs, stare at the sun and love Frankie Muniz. If you want a real hero... call Rudolph.