Yesterday, I was walking home through the crowded streets of Dickinson and choking on the pollution. You know, I almost thought about working to stop pollution, then I remembered how much working blows. So, I naturally looked for an easy way to stop pollution. Then, I remembered Captian Planet!! You remember that show? It was about a blue guy and his multicultural pals who stopped pollution! But, they tried to make it exciting by saying there was a villian behind it! Then, they would find creative ways to go and kick his ass!

Inspired by this memory, I decided to grab my Ring Pop patrol and track down whoever was behind this sudden increase in pollution...

Of course, now that the adventure was about to begin, we'd have to start it in the same way that Captain Planet does. We had to start out by doing some pollution-free activity, like playing volleyball or smoking. We chose softball. Softball because regular baseballs can hurt people! Anyways, we were playing softball, when sure enough, a cloud of smoke rose out of nowhere! It was so black it could only mean one thing... some villian was polluting our city!

So, we magically morphed into our power suits and got out Ring Pops, ready to kick some ass!!! By smelling the pollution, we traced it to the source... the oil fields.... what kind of a sick fuck would pollute the oil fields more than they already are!?

We ran to the oil fields, or more likely flew, just in time to see our villian get away before we could capture him. All we saw was his outline. It was all screwed up... we knew it must've been made of pollution itself!

Next, we went back to playing softball, just as Captain Planet would do, but this time it wasn't so fun. We couldn't get the pollution guru off our minds. So, we decided to go and look for him! Magically, with our radar senses, (Radar is spelled the same fowards and backwards!! HEEHEE!) we tracked him down right before he was going to do something really damned evil! I couldn't take a picture, so I just drew a picture of him when we got back. Here it is:

Pretty damn scary, huh? You know, I almost thought we were going to have to get violent on this bitch, then I remembered Captain Planet! Right when it looked like violence was the only answer, he apologized! We saw him get put in a prison cell right by the guard's desk, then our adventure ended.

It's really sad how much like a Captain Planet episode that was, huh? Every time, it happened exactly the same! The only difference is that I kick SO much more ass than Captian Planet. Yesterday, this 3 year old made a funny face at me, so I snapped him in two and threw him in the garbage can! Yeah! That's how much I rule.

I sadly watched Captain Planet when I was little... it was gay. I hated it. I watched it to make fun of it... I swear hehe....