Dear Justin,
I love you so much! Are we still on for tonight? I'll see you then!
Love, Britney

Dear Britney,
I'm warning you Britney! I'll call the police! I already have a restraining order and
you are supposed to follow it! And when the hell were we on for tonight? Don't write me again!
-Justin

Dear Justin,
So you are cancelling our date then? OK, maybe next Friday. I can't believe you don't remember when
we made the date! Ten years ago I asked you when we could do something and you
said, "Maybe in ten years." I marked the date on my calendar. Oh well, I love you still anyways!
Love, Britney

Dear Britney,
What the hell? Are you psychotic? How the heck many times do I have to tell you "NO"!? Does your
simple, "I don't know how to add two plus two!" brain not get it? Do not write me again!
-Justin

Dear Justin,
How are you? I'm sorry I haven't written lately but I've been busy with all my little ten-year-old
fans. Just thought I'd write to tell you I love you!
Love, Britney

Dear Miss Spears,
This is Officer Steven Sanders. I have been informed by a Mr. Justin Randall Timberlake
that you have violated the restraining order filed by him. This could result in a jail sentence if you do it
again. On behalf of Mr. Timberlake I would like to ask you, in his own words, to, "Leave him the
hell alone!"
-Officer Steven Sanders

Dear Justin,
Hi! I'm writing this from jail! There are lots of guys here, but don't worry, I'm not being unfaithful!
All the guys here really seem to like my implants! Well I will see you in 5-10 years!
Love, Britney

Dear Miss Spears,
It seems that the person whom you have written has changed their address and have left
no forwarding address. Sorry.
-Postmaster Anna Smith

Dear Charles Manson,
I was wondering if maybe you could do me a favor? I am having a little problem with a certain person.
I will pay you whatever you want if you just get rid of her! Please for the love of God! Thanks.
Her name is Britney Spears.
-Justin Timberlake

Dear Mr. Timberlake,
It is my duty to inform you that a certain Miss Britney Spears has passed away. In her will she left
you all her money that she made while famous. I'm sure even it will not be enough to console you of
this loss. I am truly
very sorry and wish you the best in the future.
-Attorny Ross Blank

Dear Mr. Timberlake,
Thank you for doing so much business with us lately! You new stereo system will be delived
tomorrow along with the plans for your new mansion.
-Jerry and Co. (satisfying customers for over 100 years)

Dear Mr. Timberlake,
I am writing in reply to your request for a so-called "ghost buster". This is the first case
I have heard of where the ghost is not actually dangerous but merely annoying.
Hopefully I will be able to do something!
-Gerry Wood
PS: We ain't afraid of no ghosts!