I woke up at about 7 a.m. (which is now) today, despite being
tired, and I couldn´t go back to sleep, so I might as well get
something done.

I went to Uppsala yesterday, to meet some of my friends. It
was a very spontaneous thing to do. See, it really wasn´t my
gathering to begin with. Some people from #Uppsala, that is
Viktor, Pekka, Linnea, Patrik and their friend LenaMaria
from Östersund were going to be there. Besides Linnea, I
hadn´t talked to anyone of them all too much. It hadn´t even
crossed my mind to go there, actually, but as it happened,
Viktor talked me into it (I ought to thank you for that :) ).
He can be quite persuasive when he sets his mind to it.
I suppose when it comes right down to it, I really wanted to
go there, though the whole thing made me a bit nervous.
I mean... for them it was a gathering. They´d been looking
forward to it for quite some time.
For me it was more of a drive-by meeting.
You know, the intruding kinda thing.

And,
we have,
crashed her,
Party.

This is what you´ll get.

But it was huge amounts of fun to see them. Actually, it was
almost worth it all just to see the look on Linnea´s face when
she first saw me. ;)
No, on the serious side, I hope it made her somewhat happy
as well, in the middle of all the surprise. It makes me glad if
I can make her smile see, because she really deserves it. Life
is giving her a lot of shit, and it couldn´t happen to a more
loveable person. Things are always cruel and never fair.
Then, I think I liked the idea of it very much. You know,
jumping into something you feel might be a good idea without
considering it too much.
Yeah.
The adventure. (I.e. all the adventure you can lay your hands
on a regular day in a regular life, lacking all the Knights,
Maidens, Wizards, Hourglass Constellations, Bandannas,
Rain Forests, T-Bird Convertibles, Camel Unfiltereds, Red
Dust, Overnight Jailcells, Tan, Summer, Wind In The Hair,
Campfires, Sandals, Black-And-White Polaroids, Walking
Barefoot, Bottled Water, Straw Hats, Overnight-Driving,
Waking Up By A Statue, Toothbrush And Pad And Pencil,
Sunglasses, Walking Past The Traffic Lights, Grand Canyons,
Sprinklers, Scenes of Crime, Stubble, Junkfood, Trailers,
Platinum Dragons, The Stars Of The Summernight Sky As
You´re Lying Beneath It, and Stepping Out Of The Car In
A New Place Everytime Looking For A Gas Station, you would
want to be there.)

I think that is a very important part of life. You know,
actually doing your best to seize the day and do what you
feel is the right thing for you to do.

Because, as of now,
You´re not doing what you most wish you were.
Are you?

On the dream scene, things were really weird tonight.
More so than as far back as I can remember. It was
altogether unpleasant, and also the reason I woke up after
four hours of sleep, and couldn´t go back to sleep.
Tonight, I was for the first time ever (as far as I know), a
murderer.
There isn´t much of a background story to it. I had (this
isn´t something I actively dreamed, but something my dream
self remembered) single-handedly developed some kind of
poison, which I stored in small canisters looking like steel
thermoses.
As I start recalling, I had locked myself up in a room in a
hospital (But not any hospital where I´d like to spend time.
No windows, no flowers, and no sunlight. Kinda like an
underground hospital.
A mix between hospital and submarine, you know, where
every door is opened, closed and sealed shut with this
circular handle you turn around like a steering wheel.
Everything made out of metal, and every step you take
create this hollow metal echo ringing throughout the place.),
with my victim, a middle-aged woman, maybe 40 years old,
with green-blue eyes and blonde hair with streaks of white
or grey (although I actually wish I didn´t remember it so
clearly) in it.
So then, I walked up to her slowly. And what scares me is
that I actually felt excited about it. I didn´t have any
second thoughts.
Then I smiled, and jammed a funnel into her mouth (this is a
bit weird as well, with such a "childish" or "unrealistic"
event (the funnel that is) in a cold-blooded murder scenario,
but it appeared perfectly normal at the time) and started to
pour the poison into it. It had about the same colour as milk,
although it wasn´t as thick. It looked like milk, maybe a bit
more transparent, with the consistency of water.
I clapped my fingers around her nose, and I could see her
swallow it. Then her eyes widened, and she started jerking,
to the point that I spilled some of the poison on my hands. It
started burning me immediately, and as I ran out of there to
wash my hands, I heard her scream behind me, again and
again.
As I came out of the room, there were people there, doctors
and nurses. Everything looked pretty much as I suppose it
would in a regular hospital, except for the fact that no one
seemed to notice me.
I ran back and forth, feeling the poison eating away at my
hands, with the woman´s scream echoing through my mind.
But no one cared, as if I was the only one who heard it.
Then, I found a washbasin and the pain subsided. My hands
looked and felt pretty much alright. So I walked, slowly,
back to the room where I started out.
It was silent now.
The woman wasn´t screaming anymore. She was dead.
Her eyes were wide open, staring at the ceiling, and her
body had jerked around (again, I wish I didn´t remember it
as clearly), tugging at the straps with which I had fastened
her to the bench and was now all twisted and arched.
And she had frothed, drooled and spewed all over her cheeks
and chin.
Then I woke up, and I was crying as I did. I don´t know why
I had such a dream, and I don´t know what it is supposed to
signify.
I actually don´t like thinking about it at all.
One thing is for sure though. If I ever meet a woman looking
like that, I´m likely to run as far away from her as my legs
will carry me.

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