BY SHANNIQUA DERE
United Press Dorough News Syndicate Howie Handler
LIZARD LICK (BSB) -- It has been reported that Nick Carter, the blond singer of the Backstreet Boys and more recently trans genre solo artist, has run afoul of PETMS (People for the Ethical Treatment of Mic Stands) and the more radical SPCEA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Electronic Americans).
Both groups have spoken out against Mr. Carter's actions in choking, kicking, knocking over, hoisting overhead and otherwise abusing perfectly innocent microphone stands during several nationally televised performances recently.
The Propaganda Coordinator of the two groups, a Ms. Hermione Fupner, told this reporter that she had obtained Mr. Carter's official e-mail addy from Bambi, his girlfriend and biggest fan, and that action would be taken forthwith. Both groups in the meantime have urged that Mr. Carter not be allowed near a microphone at any time while music is being played.
Mr. Carter could not be reached for comment.
Journalistic aside: (Like he even NEEDS a microphone.......
