I thought you really loved me
I thought you really cared.
I thought I could live my life without you there
Well baby I was wrong..
And now that you need me I'm already gone.
You shouldn't have left when I needed you
You should have been there like I wanted you too
I can't take not being allowed to love you anymore
My heart has been tore.
Please heed what I say
And don’t question how I know
How it feels to lose self-confidence
And feel insecure wherever you go.
I would sit and weep
Not knowing the reason why
Sometimes when things seemed worse
I would think of ways to die.
I’d look in the mirror and just hate myself
When I was out in public
I wished I were someone else
All these nightmares still exist...
Of experiences I’ve yet to share
So don’t you dare say
I don’t know how it feels
I’ve been there.
know what you know
I have felt what you feel
I've cried what you're crying
I've shed what you're shedding
I have cut like you are cutting
I have broken like you are breaking
I have fallen like you are falling
I have strugged lke you are struggling
I have fought as you are fighting
I have survived.
So will you
Everyday I do the same thing,
Because it’s my little routine.
I always wake up
To a kiss from my pup,
And I wish I was dead
As I get out of bed.
I dress up for school
Because I want to be cool,
And eat some breakfast
So my mom won’t be pissed.
Then I brush my teeth,
And head for the street
Where I sit at the bus stop,
And watch everyone else talk
I fall asleep on the bus,
And everyone makes a fuss.
My face is covered in drool
By the time I get to school,
And I look like a fool,
But I want to be cool.
Then I go to my classes
Where I have to wear my glasses,
Then questions are asked
And tests are passed back.
My grads are a disgrace
And there’s disappointment on my face.
Next comes lunch,
And I have a hunch
I will be sitting alone,
Or out getting stoned.
Then back to my class
To sit on my ass.
The teachers a drone,
And all the kids moan.
We hear the bell
Which lets us out of this hell.
But wait!! I have detention
In exchange for suspension
Because I said, “@#%$ YOU”
To a teacher or two.
Finally I get home
Where I can be alone.
I get out my knife
To relieve all my strife,
I cut through my skin
But I’ll never win.
I go take a shower
Replace my make-up and powder
To meet my mother, and father,
My sister, their daughter,
And sit at the table
So I can be labeled
The family’s problem child
Because I am so wild.
So here I sit
Feeling like @#%$,
My arms are still bleeding,
And all I am seeing
Is the reason I cut.
I feel this pain in my gut
So I ask to leave
So that I can be
Laying in my bed
With thoughts of suicide in my head.
Finally I fall asleep.
What a great relief.
Dreaming about not waking in the morning.
Of my family and friends all mourning
Because I took my own life
With my beloved knife.
Then the sun comes up,
And so does my pup
To get me out of bed,
And this dream from my head,
And my day starts all over again
Until the night I put it to an end.
A Cutters Reasons
by Elica Lee Elly May
For some, it's a way to die,
Others, a way to feel tough and accepted.
As for me,
Cutting is my cigarette,
It takes me to another world,
With no thoughts, no worries.
You never realize the damage you're doing
Until after you have done it.
The tears too thick streaming down your face
for you to see,
Your body too numb with anger for you to realize
what you're doing is actually causing pain.
When you feel like nothing in your life could
ever go right,
The pain isn't pain at all to you.
When you can't feel the hurting,
But can get a slight vision of the blood
seeping through the torn skin,
It only makes you want to keep on cutting.
You want your body to feel the pain
that is locked up inside of you...
In your mind,
In your heart.
A Story Untold
by Tonese Rene Reed
I’m sitting here so silent
so silent I could cry.
I’m hurting deep inside my heart
and I just want to die.
I have no one to talk to
no one who cares.
Maybe I’ll leave this life
somehow, somewhere.
My life is fading fast
I’m turning to the light.
It’s a feeling deep inside
that I don’t want to fight.
I look for a way
to get out of this living hell.
To tell you the truth
it’s a story I don’t want to tell.
My eyes are filled with tears
my head is looking down.
You will never see me cry
you will never hear a sound.
I just want to end this madness
and break out of my misery.
I don’t want to live this life I live
that’s something you should see.
The world hurts me every day
it won’t leave me alone.
Be careful what you say to me
you turn my heart to stone.
You may be the first
the first I might take away.
I warned once before
be careful what you say.
To you I may be laughing
but it’s only to hide my tears.
If you keep on causing me this pain
I will be your only fear.
You have pushed me to the limits
to where I can’t take it anymore.
You will see what you have caused
when you see me dead on the floor.
To you I may need help
to me I need a friend.
I never meant to hurt anyone
but I wanted this pain and madness to end.
I’m looking for an answer
to the questions in my mind.
Why don’t you leave me the hell alone
and stop wasting my time.
I have so much hate inside
and I’m not willing to let it out.
Please just go away
so I don’t have to shout.
You have to understand
That I have feelings too.
I have tears and emotions
just like you.
You don’t even know me
you just know I’m not like you.
I’m just like everyone else
I want to be happy too.
If you want to know a secret
I’ll tell you I hate life.
Just please be nice to me
I don’t want to feel dead
I’d rather feel alive.
Questions and answers
are just a remedy.
It plagues me deep inside
just like an enemy.
Put a smile on my face
and never go away.
If you’re really nice to me
I’m very willing to stay.
Alone
by Sherrie Ann Paquette
I lay on my bed
Thinking about life
And what makes it hard
I am looking for a way out
There are too many problems
Too many lies
But way too many fears
I feel all alone in this crazy world
I feel betrayed by the people I thought I loved
The tears are flowing
The puddle is getting deeper
The room is spinning non-stop
The thought of suicide crosses my mind
I lay with the bottle in my hand
The bottle soon becomes empty
No, I didn't flush them
No, I didn't throw the on the floor
but, yes, I did do the horrible thing
Don't think this is your fault
Don't say you weren't there
But, please don't waste your tears on me
Bleeding
by Erika Mae Adams
I close my eyes
To watch my heart as it dies.
No one hurt me as much as you.
Those lies you told me, they were all true.
As I slit my wrists, I feel no pain,
For at this moment I fear I am not sane.
The blood is pouring, the memories of you few.
My love for you, it seemed so new.
The light is dimming,
Your words echo through my head.
You said you never loved me,
I was merely your friend.
Darkness is everywhere.
My heart beat is slowing.
I realize in the darkness when I wake,
Life without you was more than I could take.
Breaking a Promise
by Susan Rae Nott
As I sit and listen to the tranquillity of the night
It’s a heavy burden to know what is right
Do I stay or should I leave this world behind
To take my own life, would this be so unkind
The hurt I would leave wouldn’t last very long
For those who have loved me I know are strong
Yet, a promise had been made, not to do this deed
But surely a promise can’t override a great need
To leave this world and deliver myself from pain
And lose my soul eternally, is it worth the gain
I look down at this gun I hold in my hand
Thinking back, I’m sorry, but life hasn’t been grand
With the 9mm magazine pushed firmly in its place
I’ll draw back the chamber, point the gun at my face
Not leaving a message, for I have nothing to send
A squeeze of the trigger brings this life to an end
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