Okay, Slipknot can't figure out where to show their masked faces next, so their producer decides to send them to "This Old House" , you know, that Bob Villa show where they fix up old ass dilapidated houses. Actually, seeing as how Mick is Echo’s bitch, and Jim is Rain’s bitch, and Sid is Shawn’s bitch, we just ganged up on Shawn, got Mick to stuff Joey in his shirt pocket, and the other half of Slipknot had to go. Slipknot shows up at the set, and Bob Villa takes one look at them and starts to freak.
Bob: You do know that Halloween is over, right?
Corey: Fuck off!!!
They then go in the house. Mick walks around, and a crossbeam falls from the ceiling and hits him in the head.
Mick: Grrrrrr.......ouch.
They run around fixing things on the house, and Joey goes into the kitchen and takes out his fingerboard.
Joey: I AM TONY FUCKING HAWK!!!
Joey pops an Ollie, does a Smith Grind on the counter, and when he gets near the end, Kickflips out into a Nose Manual.
Meanwhile, the rest of Slipknot is then forced to help Bob Villa add on a carport, a library, an INDOOR bathroom, and things like that.
Shawn: Dammit, I didn't come here to do any work!!!
Bob Villa Looks at Craig.
Bob: You come with me, Mr. Pointy.
Bob then pokes Craig in the chest. Craig starts opening and closing his fists. Bob Villa walks off.
Shawn: (muttering) Gay ass bitch.
Bob Villa then takes Slipknot to where the library will be. He hands Slipknot some hammers and nails, and points to some boards.
Bob: Start making bookcases!!!
Slipknot starts making bookcases. Mick makes a round bookcase. Craig makes one to go in a corner. Chris makes the normal type of bookcase, and Corey makes one with a slant.
Corey: This bookcase doubles as a Hotwheels playset!!!
Joey comes running into the library.
Joey: I can do a new trick!!! I can do a new trick!!!
Joey runs around a corner, right into Chris' bookcase!!! It starts wobbling, and falls over on top of Joey!!!
Joey: Help!!! Dammit, someone help!!!
Shawn: GODDAMMIT!!! HOW CAN WE HELP YOU WHEN WE CAN'T SEE YOU??? SMALL ASS BITCH, WHY DON'T YOU GROW SOME???
Joey: I can't!!! I'm just a little boy!!! I'm still growing!!! Help!!! I'm trapped under the bookcase!!!
Slipknot starts tossing all the bookcases around.
Chris: Which damn bookcase?
Joey: The straight one!!!
Paul: Snort, snort, leave it to Joey to get trapped under a bookcase that is the complete opposite of what he is…
Sid: Buzzzzzzzzzz…..yeah…..tall and straight!!!
Slipknot finally find Joey, and rescue his little elf ass. Meanwhile, Sid begins rummaging through the kitchen cabinets. When he doesn’t find anything of interest, Sid lines the cabinets with melted Ex-Lax. Jim then stumbles into the kitchen and finds the cabinets.
Jim: This is a good place to hide my Power Rangers!!! Rita Repulsa will never find them here!!!
Jim then puts his Power Rangers in the cabinets. When he comes back later to battle evil aliens. He finds some Brown stuff on his Power Rangers. Jim licks this off. Jim then discovers that he has to shit now. Jim runs off to the toilet, but they are still putting the pipes in. Jim is sitting and shitting, and Bob Villa is laying pipe. Jim flushes the toilet, and the shit goes flying and hits Bob Villa in the face!! Meanwhile, the rest of ‘Knot is laying down concrete. Paul decides he wants to write his name in the concrete, so he pulls out his hootchie-bob and takes a piss in the wet concrete.
Paul: P…..A…..L….ah, damn I fucked up! P…U……L…..dammit!!! I fucked up again!!! P…….A……..U…….L….yay!!! I got it right!!!!
Bob Villa then forces Slipknot onto the roof to do some shingle work, in hopes that it will keep them away from the toilet and getting more shit on his face. Slipknot climbs up the ladder, and go on the roof. Corey sees a butterfly, and watches it flap around. It goes by his head, and he thinks he sees a familiar face. Suddenly…
Corey: Oh, my god!!! It’s Denise Richards!!!
Corey starts running after the butterfly, but it flies way past the edge of the roof. Corey does not notice this, and runs out five feet away from the edge. Corey then makes the classic mistake of looking down.
Corey: Uh, oh.
Corey’s feet fall down toward the ground, followed by his torso.
Corey: Bye-bye.
Then, Corey’s head falls. Corey lands in the area right at the septic tank. Well, Bob Villa just happened to be walking by, and the stuff from the septic tank flew up and landed on him.
Bob Villa: Okay, dammit, that’s it!!! Get the hell outta here!!!
Slipknot is then forced to leave. They go home, and Jim realizes that his yellow Power Ranger is still in the kitchen cabinet. Slipknot then develops a plan to sneak back to the house, and break in during the night, and get back Jim’s Power Rangers. Slipknot sneaks over to the house, and use Chris’ nose to pick the lock. They make their way to the kitchen, and in the middle of the living room, they find Bob Villa having sexual relations with a squirrel.
Bob: Oh, yeah….do you like that? Oh, you love MY nuts, don’t you? Do you want to put them up and save them for winter?
Squirrel: (making a strained face, and trying to get away) Lemme go, lemme go, lemme go!!!! I don’t eat nuts anymore!!!
Bob: Oh, yeah, baby!!! Talk dirty to me…yeah….you know what I want!!!
Squirrel: Dammit, I didn’t want to have to do this….
The squirrel lunges, and takes away a large chunk of Bob Villa’s gonads. Slipknot continues to make their way towards the kitchen, and Jim’s missing Power Ranger. They get it, turn around, and are caught by a badly bleeding Bob Villa!!!
Bob: What the hell are you jackasses doing back here?
Jim: Power Rangers!!! Keeeee-yah!!!!
Jim jumps in the air and kicks Bob Villa in the head.
Jim: C’mon, Goldar!!! I’m gonna take you down!!!!
Jim does a spin kick to Bob Villa’s chest, followed by a stiff jab to his chin. Bob staggers, and Jim hits a snap kick. Mick pulls out his club, and whacks Bob in the head.
Mick: Grrrrrrrrr……isn’t….that….much…..easier?
Jim: Sure, if you want to do it THAT way….
Slipknot then run out of the house, and make their way home.
Well, Didn’t We Fix Up This House Good?