Hmmm...and so we begin the soap opera. We start at a pool. The camera pans, and we see lots of girls in bikinis. Oh, look at that one walking away. Grease up your palms, boys. She's wearing a skin-tight red thong that appears to be painted on, and....is that a string at the top? I think it is. Not a string bikini top. Just a string. Anyway, she's walking in the opposite direction of us. Michelle might not like this...but...let's follow her ass. For story purposes. Oh, yeah, baby, shake that thing. Oh, she knows how to work it. Oh, look, she's turning around. Let's pan up...over her sculpted navel area....oh, and those large breasts....guys are going crazy....and up to....that red and black hair over a kabuki mask? Oh, my god, it's JOEY!
Joey: Like my breasts? I'm borrowing them for the day. From this new company called "Rent-A-Tit".
Lovely.
Joey: I thought so.
Quit talking to the narrator.
Joey: Okay.
I said stop!
Joey: Alright! Jeez!
That's better. Anyway, we pan around, and...oh, there's 'Knot. Mick is attempting to un-mat his fur. Sid is flying. Jim and Corey are doggy-paddling around. And Shawn is belly-flopping into the pool. Fun. Oh, look. There is Paul in a floatation device. Oh, wait. It's a tire. Mud grips, even. Joy. Everyone begins swimming about.
Chris: Whee! Fun!
Echo and Rain walk up. Echo and Rain are, of course, wearing their swim gear. Also known as, their regular clothes. Hell yeah.
Mick: Grrrr, oh no! Not Echo! Me run!
Echo: Oh, uhm, Mick. I've....gotta tell you something.
Mick: Grrr?
Echo: I've sorta....well....you can't be my bitch, anymore. I've....got someone else.
Mick: Grrrr?
Echo: Yeah. Michelle. We're sort of...married. So. I set you free.
Corey: You got you a new bitch?
Echo: NO. DON'T SAY THAT. DON'T EVER SAY THAT.
Corey: Why not?
Echo: 'Cause Michelle is not a bitch. Would never, could never be. No.
Corey: Really?
Echo: Yeah. In fact, she's the complete opposite. More like...a princess!
Rain: I'm a bitch!
Echo: You sure are.
Rain: I am not!
Echo: Sarcastic bitch.
Rain: Yep!
Suddenly, Joey feels a tugging.
Joey looks down, and sees a little girl, tugging on his leg hair.
Little Girl: Hey, lady? When I grow up, I want to look just like you!
Joey: Really? Am I that pretty?
Little Girl: No, I just don't want all those damn guys bothering me all the time.
Joey begins to cry.
Joey: I'm not pretty!
Shawn: You're gorgeous, Josephine.
Shawn goes over, and attempts to make out with Joey. Lovely clown/kid porn.
Shawn: Oh, yeah, baby.
Suddenly, Joey feels another tugging.
Joey: Not now little girl...
The tugging continues, and Joey realizes he is over the drain in the pool. It begins to suck him in.
Joey: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Joey goes under the drain, and comes face to face with Shawn's incestuous cousin. Shawn's incestuous cousin, Lauray, has sucked Joey under the drain, using a color-changing crazy straw with a bunny on the top.
Lauray: You wanna come under with me? You'll like it down here!
Joey: Really? What do you have? Boats?
Lauray: Yeah!
Joey: Do they float?
Lauray: Oh, yes. They float. They all FLOAT! Down here, they all FLOAT! And when you're down here, YOU'LL FLOAT TOO!!!
*Note - Someone has been watching too much of "Steven King's 'IT'"....*
Joey: I don't want to go with you!
Lauray: Come with me!
Shawn: Go with him!
Joey: No!
Paul then attempts to do a flip in his tire. He flips upside down...and stops. He can't flip back over.
Paul: Snort, cool. I'm drowning. In a pool.
Rain: LET THE BODIES HIT THE DOOR! LET THE BODIES HIT THE DOOR! LET THE BODIES HIT THE......DDOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! God I hate that shit.
Echo: You're drowning?
Paul: Yeah.
Echo: I did that once.
Rain: Fun.
Echo: Yep.
Rain: Dumbass.
Echo: Yep.
Rain: And he admits it!
Echo: Of course!
Paul: I'm still fucking drowning here! Help!
Everyone: NO!!!
Chris: I know it was you farting earlier in the pool!
Pamela Anderson and David Hasselhoff run up.
Pam: Yeah, and you have a turd that has to be yours dangling from your "bathing suit".
David: Yeah, and what's with that yellow ring around you?
Paul: Isn't this a giant toilet?
Everyone: NO!
Paul: Oh. Whoops. Help.
Finally, Babe the Pig, and Wilbur, the talking pig from "Charlotte's Web" run up, and save Paul.
Babe: There.
Paul: I love you, babe.
Babe: I know.
Mr. Ed walks over.
Mr. Ed: Hi, Wilbur. Nice day, isn't it?
Wilbur: Shut up, glue factory bait.
Paul suddenly slips into a coma.
Joey: (who has finally gotten away from Lauray) Oh, no!
Sid: Buzzbuzzbuzzz!!! Noooo!!!
Shawn: Shut up! Need to concentrate, goddammit!
Shawn flogs Sid. A little too hard. Sid goes flying into a light pole, that has live wires dangling from it. Ouch. Sid ALSO goes into a coma.
Chris: Oh, shit, bud! What are we gonna do, bud?
Shawn attempts to shove everyone into the Stubby-Mobile. Not easy.
Shawn: Goddammit, Barney, move over! Slide your ass!
Shawn pushes a little harder, and three clowns pop out of the other side. They hop back in. Paul and Sid fall back out.
Shawn: Goddammit!
Shawn pushes, and the three clowns fall back out. This time, Shawn latches them onto the roof. He then opens up the trunk.
Shawn: Okay. Everyone in!
Rain: No.
Echo: I'll walk.
Shawn: Suit yourself.
Everyone else hops into the trunk.
Echo and Rain begin walking, and on the way to the hospital, run into MicHELLe the Faerie and Steven, who are arguing.
MicHELLe: Goddammit! Speak!
Steven: Moo.
MicHELLe: Grrrrrr....
Steven: :)
MicHELLe: Grrrrrr......I'm going to strangle you!!!
Echo: Don't do that! Then we won't be able to get any booty juice!
MicHELLe: Faerie!
Echo: Faerie!
MicHELLe and Echo then begin their little spat!
MicHELLe: No, me more!
Echo: No, me more!
MicHELLe: The same?
Echo: Okay.
Echo, MicHELLe, Rain, and Steven then begin walking towards the hospital.
Rain: Dammit, this is too much trouble!
Steven: Look! There are some kids on razor scooters!
Rain, Steven, and MicHELLe go over, beat the kids' asses, and steal their razor scooters.
MicHELLe: Here, Sweet Pea, have a razor scooter!
Echo: No, that's okay, Niblet.
MicHELLe, Rain, and Steven hop on the razor scooters and ride. Echo walks along beside them, and is oddly able to keep up. Fun.
Steven: Wheeeeeee!!!
Steven's scooter tips over.
Steven: Ow! My booty juice!
Echo: Damn.
Steven gets up, and hops on the scooter again. They ride a little further, and finally get to the hospital.
Echo: Let's go in and check on --
Rain: No! Not yet!
Rain climbs to the roof of the hospital, and looks down.
Rain: Moo.
Rain gets back on the razor scooter, and begins riding on the roof. She sees an ambulance, and begins riding towards it. She bunny hops off of the roof...aiming for the roof of the ambulance....and misses. She falls and breaks her ankles, and possibly her neck.
Rain: Okay, let's go check in on Paul and Sid now.
They head inside, and go to the room that Paul and Sid are in. They go in, and see their doctor. This doctor....just....happens to be....the...immortal actor/singer...known as....William Shatner.
Will: I....hate to tell you this, but....I'm afraid....your friends....might not make it....I.....don't know what to do.
DeForest Kelley (that doctor dude off of the original Star Trek) runs in.
DeForest: Dammit, Jim, you're an actor, not a doctor!
With this, the closing credits begin on the first episode.....
Ooooo, I Can't Wait Till The Next One!!!