Shawn was going from the bar to the Rob's house to play some strip poker (drinking and gambling, a lovely combination). He was driving the Trak-Tour, it was about 8:00 p.m. He was bobbing and weaving all over the road, and a cop pulled him over. Well, wouldn't you know it? It was that bitch, Officer Danielle, and that inverted prick-of-a-partner of hers, Officer Dick.
Officer Danielle: You know why I pulled you over?
Shawn: Good morning, occifer! What's wrong? I don't have no blood in my alcohol system!!
Officer Danielle: Really? Would you mind blowing this, then?
Shawn: No! I don't swing that way! I'm straight! Since when do chicks have dicks, anyway?
Officer Danielle: Since Corey met Denise Richards, now blow on this tube, sir.
Shawn blows tube, but not male Officer Dick.
Officer Dick: 150% alcohol level! I've never seen anything like that!!! We're gonna have to take him in!!!
Officer Danielle pulls out her handcuffs.
Shawn: Oh, so you like it kinky too? Well, I did just meet you, but, alright!
Shawn hops out of the Trak-Tour and begins pulling off his clothes. Officer Danielle covers up her eyes, and Officer Dick starts to do wolf whistle, thinks better of it, and runs over and beats Shawn down with his billy club.
Shawn: Oh, yeah, baby! That's right! Give it to me! You know how I like it! Uh! Uh! UH!!!!
Shawn gets arrested. Shawn goes to jail. They begin going through the whole fingerprint and filing thing. Instead of following that, we cut to the old dude in the corner of the lobby, who was arrested for attempted robbery (from a drug store, trying to get Viagra), and was caught when he fell, 'cause he forgot his cane. The old dude is listening to Matchbox Twenty's "Crutch".
Old Man: All I needed was a cane....
Old Lady: Yeah, yeah...
Old Man: Keep me from falling down....
Old Lady: Yeah, yeah...
Old Man: All I needed was a cane....
Old Lady: Yeah, yeah...
Old Man: Keep me from falling down, down, down....
Shawn then gets shown to his cell. The cell is small, cold, and stinky. It's sorta like Shawn's farm. Shawn feels right at home. Shawn looks across the cell at this huge black guy named Andre. Andre is Shawn's cellmate, and is as wide as he is tall. Needless to say, Andre is 6'4". Andre waves at Shawn, and giggles.
Shawn: Oh, fuck no!!! If anyone's getting fucked in this cell, it's you, bitch!!!!
Andre bends over, and starts pulling down his pants.
Shawn: No, not right now. I'm not horny yet.
Later, In The Showers...
Shawn is taking him a shower, and Echo is too. Shawn drops his soap, and starts trying to bend over to get it, but he can't reach it. This is when Echo drops his soap as well.
Echo: Oh, hell no!!! I ain't tryin' ta get that!!! No dicks up my tiny little ass!!!!
Shawn: Go ahead. Won't anybody try to screw you. I'll make sure of it.
Echo bends over, and grabs his soap. Echo's eyes light up.
Echo: Shawn, would you please remove your dick from my ass.
Shawn: Uh, dude, that's not me.
Echo looks over his shoulder to see the old guy from before standing there with a toilet brush. The old guy drops the toilet brush, and walks off. The old guy takes a towel and starts popping it on everybody's ass.
Old Man: All I needed was a cane....
Old lady pops her head up at the window to the shower room.
Old Lady: Yeah, yeah...
Old lady ducks back down.
Old Man: Keep me from falling down....
Old lady pops up from behind a stall.
Old Lady: Yeah, yeah...
Old lady ducks back down.
Old Man: All I needed was a cane....
Old lady pops up from behind Shawn's ass.
Old Lady: Yeah, yeah...
Old lady ducks back down.
Old Man: Keep me from falling down, down, down....
Old Man: All I needed was a cane....
Old lady pops her head out of Echo's ass.
Old Lady: Yeah, yeah...
Old lady ducks back in.
Echo screams, and points his ass at Shawn. Shawn then kicks Echo in the ass.
Old Man: Keep me from falling down....
Old lady pops her head up from the shower drain.
Old Lady: Yeah, yeah...
Old lady ducks back down.
Old Man: All I needed was a cane....
Old lady starts swinging on the hanging lights.
Old Lady: Yeah, yeah...
Old lady drops down.
Old Man: Keep me from falling down, down, down....
Old Man: All I needed was a cane....
Old lady pops out of old man's mouth.
Old Lady: Okay, that's enough already...
Finally, Slipknot finally find out that Shawn is in jail. They go and make bail. Shawn is getting ready to leave.
Andre: You're gonna call me, right?
Shawn: In your dreams!
Andre: Is where you'll always be!
Shawn leaves.
Andre: He's not gonna call....
And on that sad note...