Yep, that's right. Slipknot got invited back to the Richard and Rudy show. Of course, we had to be there to catch it. So, with no further a doo-doo, heeeeeeeeeeeeere's Rich and Rudy!
Richard: Hello, hello, all you sexy gay boys!
Richard and Rudy's fan club begins screaming.
Michael: Oh, my god, Richard I so want your body!
Richard: Okay, but Rudy might get jealous!
Richard begins rubbing his ass against Rudy.
Rudy: (making grabbing motions at Richard's crotch) Get offa me, you queer!
Rudy licks Richard's ear. Their fan club cheers again.
Rudy: Damn faggots.
Let's look out over the audience, shall we? We see Hugh "Geeza" Hefner and his eight stripper/slut girlfriends, Bez, Tony "I Suck Shit" Kanal, Tony "I Like Pot" Rombola, Robbie "I Play Bass, Ain't I Special" Merrill (oh, and why is it Echo doesn't have a strong attraction to THAT bassist? Or the Pink Guy from Limp Bizkit? Or Paul?), Tommy "I Want As Much Attention As Sully" Stewart, Fred "What The Fuck?" Flintstone, Jeordie Francis White (uh, aka Twiggy Ramirez), Donald "I Got Cash, Leave Me Alone" Trump, Donald "Kick Ass" Duck, Trent "Cunt" Reznor, Space "I Suck More Shit Than Tony Kanal" Ghost, Amir "I'm Not A Sand Nigga" Derakh, Johnny "I'm Really A Gay Ass Bastard With Homophobia" Bravo, and of course, RAIN AND CROW!!!
Rain: (sarcastically) Oh, Rudy! You sexy nude boy! I want your body! You are so hot!
Rudy starts walking towards the audience. Rain lets loose a scream of absolute fear, and hides under her chair.
Rudy: (adjusting his crotch) Damn fruits, get your hands offa me!
Anwar: (standing up) Oooo sexy nude boiy ,I put of thees on you !
Anwar pulls out his purple two-centimeta-peta, and wags it at Rudy.
Rudy: Oh, wow.
Richard: Okay, on today's show, we have the Insane Clown Posse!
Audience cheers. Rain and Crow boo.
Richard: We're just going to interview them. We don't have the cash to get them to perform.
Audience cheers.
Richard: We have Drew Carey.
Audience cheers.
Rain and Crow: OINKBERT!!!
Richard: And we welcome back special musical guests, Slipknot!
Audience looks around confused. Rain and Crow cheer like hell.
Crow: Slipknot kick ass, man!
Rain: Yeah, those two jack offs with that "humor" site shouldn't make fun of them like that! They fuckin' rule, man!
Crow: Yeah!
The "Richard and Rudy Band" play the two over to their seats.
Regis Philbin: (standing up) As co-founder of the Richard and Rudy fanclub, along with Bob Barker here...
Bob Barker stands up.
Regis: We'd just like to say...
Regis and Bob: Richard and Rudy are so hot! We love you guys!
Regis and Bob scream like little teenybopper girls at an N'Sync concert.
Richard: Okay, let's get this show started. Here's Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, otherwise known as the Insane Clown Posse.
The audience starts cheering, and ICP comes out. Those goddamn "Juggalos" start up with their crap, and ICP sprays them down with some Faygo.
Crow: Sumbitch! You got some of that shit on me!
Crow runs down, kicks Violent J in "the goods", and gives him a ddt. He then turns around, looks at Shaggy 2 Dope, hops up on top of the metal railing thing, and does his "Crow-icanrana". Violent J hops up and punches Crow in stomach. Crow hops up, pauses in mid-air while everything around him spins, and kicks Violent J in the head. Suddenly, Joey drops down from out of nowhere, and bitch-slaps Shaggy. Crow delivers a superkick to Violent J. Finally, when Crow and Joey have beaten ICP unconscious, Crow pulls out a water gun, runs to the bathroom, pours a little bit of a sucky Mountain Dew rip-off into it, pours in a little water, and relieves himself in the water gun. (Note to readers - uh, we actually did this. These fucking cocksuckers kept on squirting us with damn water guns, and we told them to quit, and they wouldn't, so we loaded up some water guns in the way we just described, and let loose on their ass. Then this JACKASS named Bubba happened to tell them Echo had put piss in there, and their fucking dad had to come getting in Echo's face. He's dead now. Dammit, where was I? I had to ramble on for an hour about something that has nothing to do with this fucking story! Oh, yeah! Echo, armed with the pissy water gun, runs back out and squirts Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope with it.
Richard: Okay! So I guess our interview with ICP is off, uhm, we'll be back with Drew Carey after these commercials.
Uhm, normal commercial break. Uh, except a new commercial for this new breakthrough medicine. It went something like...
"Do you suffer from Droopy Boob Syndrome? Does shit fly out of your ass like water? Then take Geezadrine, the sugar pill for old folks. 'Cause you need an inactive pill to go along with your overactive bladder.
Richard: And we're back. Now we'll welcome the sexiest guy I've ever fantasized about...
Rudy snorts.
Richard: (hugging Rudy) Other than my lover Rudy here, it's Drew Carey!
Drew Carey comes out wearing a huge fuzzy Viking helmet.
Richard: (ripping off his shirt) Oh, you can conquer my foreign lands anytime, sexy!
Richard and Rudy launch into a long interview with Drew Carey. Suddenly...
Chickley: (lying in the middle of the aisle) GODDAMMIT! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP DOWN HERE!
Richard: Oh, my! What is that?
Chickley: SHUT THE HELL UP!
Richard: (grabbing at Rudy) Well, I never!
Chickley: YA GODDAMN FAGGOT! SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET OUTTA MY DAMN HOUSE!
Richard: Sir, this is our set. We're trying to do a show here.
Chickley: COVER UP MY KNEES!!
Richard goes up and tries to cover up Chickley's knees.
Chickley: GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OFF OF ME! I CAN DO IT MYSELF!
Chickley stands up, puts his arm behind his back, and begins moving it around, sort of like those toys that you have to wind up before it will move. He thens wobbles forward two steps, pulls down his blue see through pajama pants, and pees on Richard's leg. He then falls backwards into a tub that popped up out of nowhere.
Crow: Go sit down, ya prick!
Rain: Yeah, bee-yotch!
Crow: We gonna get straight up Eminem style on yo' ass!
Rain: What are you gonna do? Rap about his momma?
Crow: (putting finger to mouth) Shhhhhhhh.
Richard: I do not think I like your attitude. I may have to ask you two to leave.
Crow holds up the pissy water gun.
Crow: What was that?
Richard: Nothing.
Crow: Thought so.
Anwar: Oooo oooo sexy nude golden shower! Is lovely of to---
Crow shoots a stream of piss down Anwar's throat.
Crow: Shuddap!
Richard: Okay, where were we Drew?
Drew: Well, there I was lying naked in a bed of roses, giving him the sexiest look imaginable...
Richard: Oh, too bad it wasn't me. Let us see the look.
Drew squints his eyes and pokes out his lip.
Richard: Oh, yes, that is sooo sexy.
Rudy: Goddamn fruits. Leave me the hell alone.
Drew: Well, I gave him that look, and...
Suddenly, Paul comes out from behind the curtain.
Paul: Snort, Oinkbert, GO CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM! IT LOOKS LIKE A DAMN PIGSTY!
Drew: My name's not Oinkbert. It's Drew.
Paul: Don't backmouth me, boy!
Richard: Okay, uh, commercial break!
Oooo, a good commercial break! This one has three good ones!
First up, the Al Gore Viagra commercial!
Al Gore: Viagra helps keep me stiff and rigid.
Bill Clinton: (chuckles) I don't have that problem...
Suddenly, a head pops up from under Clinton's desk. Clinton quickly shoves it back down.
The next one was the Slipknot "What's Your Anti-Drug?" commercial.
Sid: Buzzzzzx....Ex-Lax....
Corey: Uh, Denise Richards.
Craig: Huh? Uhm, The show COPS. No, wait. Your mom's vaginal fluids! Yeah.
Mick: Grrrrrr....puppy-kittens!
Shawn: The Goddamn Kitchen Table. Oh, and my goddamn bitch, Sid.
Chris: Martha Stewart and my corn bread!!
Joey: Razor Scooters, make-up, guys, need more? Mini skirts....
Paul: Snort, uh, baby powder, salt, and cocaine.
Jim: The Power Rangers (does a ninja type move), peanut brittle, and marijuana.
And last, but not least, came a commercial asking for money to support George W. Bush.
"Send money to kill off those damn Iraqis. 'Cause George W. is special. In the short yellow school bus kind of way."
Richard: And we're back. Now, to perform their version of the Spice Girls' "Wannabe", they call it "Gonna Be", here is SLIPKNOT!
Rain and Crow go crazy.
Jim: Yo, I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want
Corey: Uh, tell me what ya want, what ya really really want
Jim: I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want
Corey: Uhm, tell me what ya want, what ya really really want
Jim: I wanna, marijuana, I wanna, marijuana, I wanna really really wanna MORPHIN TIME!
Corey: Yeah, I wanna get off
In your plump ass
And then I'll show you
What under my mask
Now don't go wastin'
Your precious time
All I wanna do is have
Sex with a mime
Jim: Yo, I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want
Corey: Uh, tell me what ya want, what ya really really want
Jim: I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want
Corey: Uhm, tell me what ya want, what ya really really want
Jim: I wanna, marijuana, I wanna, marijuana, I wanna really really wanna MORPHIN TIME!
Corey: I know I'm gonna be your lover
I'm gonna hump all your friends
Make it last five seconds
But threesomes never end
I know I'm gonna be your lover
Once or twice at least
Getting off on your head
That would soothe this beast
Jim: Oh, yeah peanut brittle
It tastes so good
How I love to eat it
It is my favorite food
Find someone to help me
Come and try it Kud
The cover pops off of an air conditioner vent, and Kud from Mudvayne sticks his head out.
Kud: Huh?
Anwar: Oooo, sexy nude boy!
Anwar starts running at Kud.
Kud: Ah, hell.
Kud ducks back into his vent.
Shawn: Goddammit, I'm bored!
Shawn pulls out THE GODDAMN KITCHEN TABLE, rips off his clothes, and lies down on it to take a nap.
Jim: Uhm, where was I? Oh, yeah!
Show you how much I like it
Eat it in the nude
So, what color are your balls, the ones that are in your hand?
Corey: I think my balls are blue, said my balls are blue my man
Jim: What color are your balls, the ones that are in your hand?
Corey: I think my balls are blue, said my balls are blue my man
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna get sucked off
I know I'm gonna be your lover, I'm gonna hump all your friends
Make it last five seconds
But threesomes never end
I know I'm gonna be your lover
Getting off on your head
That would soothe this beast
So, here's the story
The way I see
You gonna sleep with me
You gotta do it beautifully
Richard: Okay! Come on, big boy!
Corey: Not on your life, man.
So if we're in space
I'm cumming on your face
Open up your eyes
And get me really hard
Yeah, and I prefer it when the come for free
As for me, foreplay is key
Slam your body down and lick you up and down
Slam your body down and lick you up and down
I know I'm gonna be your lover
I'm gonna hump all your friends
Make it last five seconds
But threesomes never end
I know I'm gonna be your lover
Once or twice at least
Getting off on your head
That would soothe this beast
I know I'm gonna be your lover, and you know, you gotta, ya gotta, you gotta, you gotta, slam, damn, go, down
Slam your body down, and lick you all around
Slam your body 'round, and lick you up and down
Slam your body down, and lick you all around
Slam your body 'round, and lick you up and down
Slam your body 'round, (ya) better go down
Corey and Jim: I know I'm gonna be your lover!
Shawn: Ah, goddamn! What? Is it over? Here, let me show you guys how it's done!
Shawn, still naked, walks over and grabs the mike from Corey.
Shawn: (doing jumping jacks) Okay, this is my cover of Hanson's "MmmBop". I call it "Do What?". Okay, here we go.
I've done so many little kids in my life
Only two had a nice ass
Cut 'em up with a rusty knife
Then I put 'em in the ground oh so fast
And they're gone so fast
Yeah hold on to them by their hair
Move 'em good so they'll be there
So they can see how much you "really care"
What the hell is that in your hair?
Now it is dangling from right there!
Do What? What you say?
I don't know you, Go AWAY!
God Damn!
Do What? What you say?
I don't know you, Go AWAY!
God Damn!
Plant your seed inside a little child
Show 'em you can be so wild
Keep planting to find out which one grows
Just so I can eat their toes
Just so I can eat their toes
Do What? What you say?
I don't know you, Go AWAY!
God Damn!
Do What? What you say?
I don't know you, Go AWAY!
God Damn!
In an MmmBop I'll be gone, In an MmmBop I'm not there
In an MmmBop I'll be gone, In an MmmBop I'm not there
If you'll just wash your hair, But you won't dare
Do What? What you say?
I don't know you, Go AWAY!
God Damn!
Do What? What you say?
I don't know you, Go AWAY!
God Damn!
Can you blow me? You say you can but you don't know
Can you show me which way is Idaho?
If I'm the ho then who's the pimp? I guess we'll never know
Sid: Buzzzzz....I'm the pimp! Gimme mah money!
Suddenly, dominatrix clothes appear on Shawn, and he pulls out a whip.
Shawn: On your knees, you insolent slave!
Sid gets down on his knees.
Shawn: Now....
Can you show me which way is Idaho?
Can you tell me? You say you can but you don't know!
Oh, No! Temptations Island Is Coming On! I Don't Wanna See The Damn Old Ass Temptations Singing And Forgeting Half The Damn Lyrics! Change The Channel!