Richard And Rudy Show!!!
Where everyone is gay and gets fucked up the ass!!!
(except for Slipknot)
Richard: Today we have great guests!!! We have Tomisina Cruise!!! We have Billie Joe Armstrong!!! And special musical guests, Slipknot!!! And our really special guests, who are in the audience, Rain and Crow!!!
Cameras whip around to show Rain and Crow
Crow: Hey Rich and Rudy, FUCK YOU!!!
Rain: Go back to your trailer and suck Rudy's dick, Richard!!!
Security Guards come out and club Rain and Crow
Mick walks out and clubs the Security Guards
Richard: Okay, where were we? Oh, yeah. When I'm not screwing Rudy, I'm having sex with this guy, Tomisina Cruise!!!!!
Tom Cruise walks out wearing a puke green moo moo.
Richard: What's this get-up?
Tomisina: Oh, it's for my new movie, where I play a big, southern woman who gets abducted by aliens and probed.
Richard: I'd like to probe you!
Okay, the Tomisina conversation is starting to make me sick, and no one really wants to hear about Tomisina getting the dildo up the ass from Nicole Kidman (the real husband in that relationship) and how Tomisina wants to carry Nicole's baby, so we skip to later on.
Rudy: Okay, we have to take a commercial break now, you fucking fruits. We'll be back with that damn little prick, Billie Joe Armstrong. Roll the damn commercials!!!
Announcer: This show is brought to you by, VIAGRA!
Yadda Yadda, who pays attention to those Viagra commercials that has nothing to do with old guys not able to get it up, anyway? Lemme know when they actually have an old rich dude and a fifteen year old blonde in bed, okay? BTW, we uncovered the conspiracy behind why Richard won, okay? It's so he could buy the whole damn Viagra factory for Rudy. Rich and Rudy were in on it from the beginning. "If I don't win, then you will!" - Rudy. We have that on tape!!!
Richard: We're back. Now, we have Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day!!!
Crow: Boooo!!!!
Rain: Green Day fucking sucks!!!!
Crow: They come through in Stink-O!!!!
Rain: Bring out Slipknot!!!
Billie Joe: Screw you guys too!!!
Rain and Crow run down, whoop Billie Joe's ass, and calmly take their seats. Billie Ho, broken and bleeding, takes a seat.
Richard: Don't fuck with Rain and Crow.
Crow: Ain't a damn one of you gonna fuck me, bitch!!!
Convo with Billie Ho begins. Billie Ho talks about beer and it's many uses. Joey hobbles out.
Joey: (drunkenly) YOU FAT DRUNKEN SLOB!!! I LOVEDED YOU!!! GET THE HELL OUT MY HOUSE AND DON'T COME BACK!!! ALL YOUR STUFF IS IN THE YARD!!! FUCK YOU!!!
Joey smacks Billie Ho. Billie Ho pops up, and his beer flies out of his lap, and hits Joey in the ass.
Joey: AHHHHHH!!!!! BEER STAIN!!!! BEER STAIN!!!!!! GETTIT OFF!!! GETTIT OFFF!!!!!
Billie Ho runs over and uses a dildo to dry off Joey's ass. Joey turns around. That lovey-dovey music plays in the background.
Joey: (drunkenly) Oh, Billie Ho!!!
Billie Ho: Oh, Joey!!!
Richard: Oh, Rudy!!!
Rudy: Oh, Richard!!!
Tomisina: Oh, I'm horny!!!
Rain: Oh, how sick!!!
Crow: Oh, I think my lunch is coming up!!!
Rain: What lunch you little anorexic bastard???
Billie Ho and Joey walk off. Richard, Rudy, and Tomisina Cruise begin making out on stage. Rain and Crow dive under their seats, quivering in fear.
Backstage
Billie Ho starts trying to make out with Joey. Billie Ho starts ripping off his clothes, and Joey sobers up. Joey tries to claw out Billie Ho's eyes, and runs away.
Back On Stage
Richard: Now for these...what the hell?
Joey stumbles out, with his hair all disheveled and his clothes all torn.
Joey: That little now-eyeless pedophile back there tried to molest me!!!
Rudy: GODDAMMIT!!! I don't wanna hear no damn little faghet stories!!! Get outta here you little fruit!!!
Richard and Tomisina begin walking off stage.
Richard: (looking back) You coming, Rudy?
Rudy: You little homo...
Crow: Rudy is a homo sapien!!!
Rudy: I AM NOT!!! I'm a hetero through and through!!! Now, c'mere Richard and give me some of that good lovin'!!!
Richard: And now, these commercials.
A little V8 Splash commercial, featuring none other than Richard and Rudy. Only interesting thing is Rich and Rudy saying "We love V8 Splash 'cause it's almost as fruity as us!!!"
Richard and Rudy have a look on their face like they just had the best sex session ever.
Richard: And we're back!!! Now, we have Slipknot performing a cover of the Backstreet Boys song, "As Long As You Love Me (long time)"!!! I'd like to dedicate this song to Rudy!!!
Rudy gets a glazed over love look in his eyes. Slipknot come out. Song starts off like "Spit It Out". Joey sings.
Joey: Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine
I'm leaving my dick in your hands
People say I'm crazy and that I'll go blind
Risking it all in a glance
And how you got me blind is still a mystery
I can't get you offa my head
Don't care what is written in your history
As long as your here with me
Puppy-Kittens come on-stage and begin clapping like seals.
Joey: I don't care what you are
Where you've been
Who you did
As long as you'll fuck me
What you are
Where you've been
Don't care who you did
As long as you'll fuck me
Richard, Rudy, Billie Ho, Tomisina, Rain, and Crow come over and begin dancing about.
Joey: Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like you're deep within me
Doesn't really matter if you're gonna cum
It seems like we're meant to be
Mick begins clapping, 'cause Joey finally started singing a Backdoor Bastards song.
Joey: I don't care what you are
Where you've been
Who you did
As long as you'll hump me
Corey: Okay!!!
Corey runs over and starts humping Joey's leg.
Joey: What are you? (Joey shakes leg trying to get Corey off of it)
Whose bed you're in (Joey shakes leg again)
Don't care who you did
As long as you'll GET THE HELL OFFA MY LEG COREY!!!
Billie Ho starts doing the Redneck Dance, by slapping his knee and stomping his foot.
Billie Ho: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hawwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!
Crow begins to break it down. He jumps in the air, and then began breakdancing. Then he hopped up, and did the Disco Fever Dance. Everyone rejoices. Rain just looks over at Crow like he has lost his mind.
Rain: You stupid little fuck...
Joey: I've tried to hide my thing so that no one knows
But I guess it shows it's not there
When you look into my eyes
Who you did and where coming from
I don't care
As long as you'll suck me off, baby
Billie Ho starts line dancing. He makes his way over to Joey, bends over, and tries to suck off Joey.
Joey: AHHHHH!!!! YOU PERVERT!!!!
Joey hauls off and kicks Billie Ho in the nuts. Corey runs over, and begins humping Billie Ho's bootjack.
Corey: Oh, yeah, baby!! Do ya like that? Huh? What? You want it harder? You want it faster?
Joey: I don't care what you are
Where you've been
Who you did
As long as you'll screw me
What you are
Where you've been
Don't care who you did
As long as you'll do me right...
Crowd begins cheering. Billie Ho steps forward... and steps on one of the puppy-kittens foot!!!
Puppy-Kitten: OWWWWW, GODDAMMIT!! Fuck, mother fucker fuck!!! You stupid little shit son of a bitch!!! I kill you!!!
Mick: Grrrrrrrrrrr..........you.....hurt....PUPPY-KITTEN!!!!! COME BAER!!!!!! LET'S WHOOP HIS ASS!!!!
Mick runs over, and clubs Billie Ho in the head. He then spins, and knocks out Tomisina. He continues, until the bodies of Rain, Crow, Slipknot, and the entire audience and crew lay unconcious on the floor.
Mick: Grrrrr....come Baer, Mimi. Grrrrr...we take over show....ggrrrrr...welcome people to ....the MICK AND PUPPY-KITTEN SHOW!!!!
We Now Conclude Our Broadcast Day. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppp!!!!