This just in, we just had to leak out that Slipknot is gonna be on an upcoming episode of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?". Only catch is, unlike Orgy, they had to sit in the audience. Oh, guess who else just happened to be there. Us, duh! Well, essentially, here's what happens.
Regis comes out. He's wearing one of those suits that is "so tight it looks like he's done busted his nads, or something". Well, Regis tells everyone his normal little thing and gets some prick who thinks he was doing pretty good 'cause he answered simple ass questions and won $8,000 the night before to come sit down so they can continue playing.
Joey: You suck, Regis!!!
Regis: I don't think he likes me.
Everyone starts laughing like this is the funniest damn thing ever. Shawn gets up and bashes the "laughter" sign in. Regis starts squirming in his seat.
Regis: (mutters) I hope my writers left me plenty of good jokes here...
Regis begins flipping through his script.
Regis: Okay, Dave. So you've won $8,000. You're going for $16,000.
Dave: I know, I know.
Regis: You're ready to go, aren't you?
Dave: Yeah.
Rain: Get on with it, already!!!
Crow: Hey, Regis!!! Are you gonna blow me again tonight?
Regis: Sure! But you better watch your language there, whippersnapper!!! We're on ABC!!!
Crow: ABC? Oh, yeah! Anthing But Color!!!
Regis: Yeah, whatever. Okay, Dave. Here we go. What am I? Is it:
a) a dick.
b) an ass
c) a very nice person, or
d) sexy?
Crow: AN ASS!!!! HE'S AN ASS!!!! SAY ASS!!!!
Rain: A DICK!!!! HE'S A DICK!!!! SAY DICK!!!
Old Lady Named Esther: SEXY!!!! HE'S SOOOOO SEXY!!! SAY SEXY!!!
Esther rips off her top, and begins swinging it around her head.
Regis: I think that I'm going home with HER tonight....
Rain: Oh, sick, dude!!! That's fucking gross!!!!
Crow: Ah, fuck!!! No!!! Old fogie sex!!! Old fogie sex!!!! Wrinkly old bodies, rolling around in bed!!! Gettit out my head!!! Gettit out my head!!!
Dave: Uhm, okay. I'm scared to say an ass, you only LOOK like a dick, you definately are sexy, but I'm gonna say, c) a very nice person.
Regis: You are....
Suspenseful music starts playing.
Regis: Correct!!
This continues on for a while until finally the prick decides to keep what he's got and walk away. Oh, well. Regis does the little fastest fingers thing. Some guy named Trent wins.
Crow: Oh, hell no. I ANSWERED IT FIRST, BITCH!!!
Crow runs down, tackles Trent, and beats the shit out of him. He then walks calmly over, and sits in the chair.
Regis: Good to see a contestant with a little spunk.
Crow: Yeah, one that's not afraid to whoop some ass.
Regis: Okay, what's your name? Where ya from?
Crow: Conan.
Regis: Really? Hiya Co-nan!!! How ya doin' Co-nan!!!
Crow: You dick. My name's Crow, bitch. I just know you from Conan!! I come from Hell. Where you from? Oh, wait, don't tell me. You're one of those ass-dwellers I've heard so much about, aren't you?
Regis: Please refrain from using foul language.
Crow: Please refrain from using your foul balls.
Regis: Okay, let's get on with it. Answer this. What comes next in the sequence A, B, C, D,:
a) E, F, G
b) 5, 6, 7
c) X, Y, Z
d) 1, 2, B
Crow: E!!!! None of the above!!! It is LSD!!! A, B, C, D, LSD!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!! LSD IS GOOD!!!!
Regis: Pick an answer.
Crow: A!!!!
Regis: Is that your answer?
Crow: B!!!
Regis: Make it your final?
Crow: C!!!
Regis: Gimme an answer!
Crow: D!!!
Regis: I need an answer now!!!
Crow: LSD!!!! Gummy bears are chasing me!!!!!
Regis: What was that?
Crow: One is red, two are blue!!!!
Regis: I don't understand...
Crow: NOW THEY'RE FUCKING ON MY SHOE!!!!!
Regis: You seriously need help...
Crow: C!!! Final!!!
Regis: Okay....
Crow: B!!! Final!!!
Regis: Not again...
Crow: A!!! Final!!! Final!!! Final!!!
This continues on. Oh, look! Crow is going for the $1 million. Let's take a look.
Regis: Okay, final question. For $1,000,000. WHAT is the meaning of life?
Crow: Ah, fuck.
Regis: Final answer?
Crow: Fuck!
Regis: You are.....
Suspense music starts.
Regis: Correct!!!! You win a million!!!
Crow gets excited and begins hopping around. He trips, falls, hits head....and suddenly, everyone smells raspberry. Crow's body leaps in the air, and looks at crowd.
Echo: MICK MY BITCH!!!!
Echo begins flying out towards Mick. Mick clubs Echo when he gets there, and begins clubbing audience members. Mick makes his way towards Regis, with the rest of Slipknot following. Slipknot begins beating the shit out of Regis, talking about how he still has the scent of Kathy Lee Gifford Satan on him. Jim loses both his shoes and a sock in Regis' ass. The sock hanging looks like a big piece of toilet paper hanging out of his ass. Mick decides he will take over. He starts asking everyone questions about puppy-kittens, and when they don't get the question right, he clubs them. Needless to say, soon enough there is a big group of unconscious bodies near the "hot seat" and the police have arrived to once again drag Slipknot off to jail. They get locked up only to find out that their cell-mates are....
Shawn: Oh, GODDAMMIT!!! KORN?!? WHAT THE FUCK!!! GIVE US ANOTHER CELL!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK IN HERE WITH THESE SHITS!!!!
Yes, we have Jon Davis sitting in the corner, whining (as always) about why the hell did he get thrown in jail, David Silvera sitting on the bed just looking like Sully Erna, Munky climbing the walls digging at his pits, Head bumping into everything, and oh, hell, wheres that Buh-Buh Ray Dudley look-alike named Fieldy? Oh, there he is. He's hitting on Joey.
Fieldy: So, you wanna come over to my place for some good lovin'?
Joey: No thanks. I don't like ugly guys.
Fieldy: Did you just insult me? Okay, you asked for it. D'VON!!! GET THE TABLE!!!!
Mick turns around, clubs Jon Davis, clubs Fieldy, and clubs the bars. Slipknot use this chance to escape.
Yeah, dude. Lemme outta here too!!!