#0 Sid Wilson, Turntables and shtuff
Dis be Sid. Him is like a gnat. Him fly around the room and generally annoys the fuck out of everybody. Him love Ex-Lax. Him is Shawn's bondage bitch. Shawn walk him 'round with yarn. Yarn tied to ankle. You'll see what I mean....
#1 Joey Jordison, Drums
Dis is Joey. Him be prissy little girly man. (yeah, and I'm any more manly...) Ya ever hear the light drum playing on album? That's Joey. Him is afraid he'll break a nail, so him barely taps the drums. Things have a tendency to happen to Joey's ass. Him have homosexual tendencies when drunk.
#2 Paul Grey, Bass
Dis be Paul. Him a pig. Oink oink. Him eat out of trough and squeals a lot. Him like to read "Harry
#3 Chris Fehn, Percussion
Dis be Chris. Him a Pinnochio head. Him like corn-bread, and him loves Martha Stewart. Him lie and him nose gets all firm and stiff and stuff, but if him tells the truth, it gets limp. Honest days suck!! I seen!!! Not pretty!!! See, him been lying in pic!!! Told girl him is big porn star and is hung like mule!!!!
#4 Jim Root, Guitar
Dis be Jim. Him heroes are the Power Rangers. Him have huge ass feet to boot folks with. Sometimes he look like Godzilla-on-Crack. Why? Well, we've narrowed down to two things. It's either 'cause he smokes crack or he pukes constant. We're leaning towards the puking...
#5 Craig Jones, Samples and Media
Dis be Craig. Him is hilarious. Rain made him talk too much. Ruined him life. Sad. Him seem to have the shits all the time and him a spiky head. Maybe you've seen him in the "Hellraiser" movies? Him likes to headbutt people. Watch out!!!
#6 Shawn Crahan, Custom Percussion
Dis be Shawn. Him is a clown. Scary. You did know that clowns molest little children, right? I have to watch out at Slipknot concert. I only 4 years old!!! Him wear Clown mask and generally scares the fuck out of everybody!!! Ain't him mean?!? Him have a raging inferno in his ass. He does a neat trick with marshmallows!!!
#7 Mick Thompson, Lead Guitar
Mick is sorta scary... don't you think? Him like to club the fuck out of things and is obsessed with puppy-kittens. Him sorta look like bear. Anyway, Mick is Hot. Mick is Echo's bitch.
#8 Corey Taylor, Vocalistic Thingamahootchabobs
Dis be Corey. Him likes lotion and mistakes everthing for Denise Richards. Can you guess what him do with lotion? Take a real good look at picture. Oh, damn... where's his other hand...la dee da...I'm shutting up now.