*Note – Uhm, we’ve been enjoying the Mad Libs game in writing these stories! We’ll play this again! Okay, Crow writes, Rain tells him to add various things, and fills in the blanks, not knowing what is happening! Rain’s answers are underlined, so that she can have her ass kicked more readily… the answers are really fucked up....
Well, it was inevitable. Our sources told us that “God” (a.k.a. Marilyn Manson! Yeah, sure…there is no god…why else would Rain and Crow be around?) got wind (okay, okay, so someone actually broke wind and he overheard, I was just TRYING TO BE NICE DAMN YOU!) that Mick had become the new Satan.
Booming Voice, a.k.a. “God” (holding his copy of “Hit Parader”): Bring me this Mitch!!!
Two angels float down from the heavens (haha, yeah…) and search out for Mick Mitch. They finally find him whacking off over a picture of Yogi and Booboo.
Angel (yup. David Boreanaz. Init he so koot? If you said yes… you need to be shot.): You have to come with us. We are taking you to have you tied up and beaten!!!
Mick: Grrrrrr…..not….yet….must….cum…on...picture....
Angel: Uhm, I think he’s gay.
Mick: Grrrrrr…..no…me…am…just….like….Arabian……transgender……….
Angel: Oh, god! Come on Bryan! I think the Gap has a sale on sweater vests! We can go there, and then we can have sex on a feather pillow while eating Pork Rinds!!!
Angel and Bryan catch back up with Mick at Red Hamsters, the new night club.
Mick: Grrrrrr…..shake….baby……you…..have….of….the…..nice……tongue…….me…..like….to…….choke…..on….it…..
Bryan: Yeah, but Angel’s dick is much better than hers….I love having it inside of me!
Angel: And I love having it inside of you too.
Bryan and Angel begin making out.
Mick: Grrrrr…..that….be….grosser….than…..Bruce Willis’…..naked….ass…..grrrrrr….damn….cellulite….flying…all…over…….
Mick walks out of the bar, and goes home. Angel and Bryan walk through his door a few hours later, and grab Mick’s ear.
Angel: You are such a CUTIE PIE, aren’t you?
Mick: GRRRRRRDAMN YOU!!!
Mick hits Angel in the crotch.
Bryan: Oh, no! No more good lovin’ for a few days!
Angel: Owwww….I think my ‘nads are now in my mouth…..
Bryan: You have to come with us! The sake of the world is at hand!
Corey: (walking through the living room) FUCK IT ALL! FUCK THIS WORLD! FUCK EVERYTHING THAT YOU STAND FOR! DON’T BELONG! DON’T EXIST! DON’T GIVE A SHIT! DON’T EVER JUDGE M….who the hell is this?
Angel and Bryan: (covering their ears) OH, NO!
Angel: We have heard the language of the devil!
Mick: Grrrr…..(does the infamous goat horns)…yeah!!!
Angel: I think this guy really is Satan. You must come with us!
Mick: Grrrrrr….NOT WITHOUT BUN-BUN BEAR!!!
Bryan: Okay….okay….go get Bun-Bun Bear….
Mick: Grrrrrr….bring ‘Knot too?
Bryan: Okay.
Mick goes and gets Bun-Bun Bear, and grabs Corey by the neck. They then go to “It’s Tit-Ulous!“, the new strip club, to get Shawn, and Sid.
Mick: Grrrr…where….of….Joey?
Shawn: Oh, he’s next! He had to work tonight.
Joey comes out, and Corey begins shouting at him.
Corey: (shouting at Joey) Yeah! Work it baby! Shake that thing! TAKE IT OFF!!!
Mick, Angel, Bryan, Joey, Sid, Corey, and Shawn then go to Paul’s farm. They find Paul in the barn.
Joey: HEY, PAUL!!! QUIT SCREWING THAT PIG AND COME OVER HERE!!!
Paul: (drunkenly, holding a beer) Hiccup! Snort, leave me the hell alone!!
Angel: That is wrong! You should not be drinking! Drinking is a sin!
Shawn: (muttering) Oh, and screwing a pig isn’t?
Bryan: Oh, that’s a pig?! Ga-ross!!!! He should not be doing that!
Mick: Grrrr…is okay to me…..
Bryan: STOP THAT YOU PIG-DOER!!!
Paul: Snort, shut up talkin’ ‘bout mah wife!!!
Craig: (walking into the barn) And my new lover!
Paul looks over at Craig.
Craig: Uhm, so yeah, I’ve been sleeping with your wife, so what?
Paul: (grabbing the pig by the ears) How could you cheat on me?!
Paul, Craig, Mick, Sid, Shawn, Corey, Joey, Angel, and Bryan then go off to find Jim. They find Jim in the bathroom, staring at a picture of Jennifer Lopez’s fingers.
Jim: Oh, yeah….those are the cutest fingers I’ve ever seen……I’d just love to put them on my dick…..
Jim then begins to scratch his armpit with hot pink Manic Panic hair dye.
Jim: Oh, yeah. That feels almost as good as getting your dick run over by a steam roller.
Shawn busts down the bathroom door, and walks in.
Shawn: GODDAMMIT!!! Why the hell did you dye your pit hair hot pink?
Jim runs to the kitchen, reaches in the refrigerator, and tries to wash the hair dye off of his pits with a nice, tall, cool glass of bleach.
Shawn: GODDAMMIT!!! I’M THIRSTY!!! What do you have here to drink?
Shawn snatches the glass of bleach away from Jim, and drinks it down.
Shawn: Ahhhhh….that hit the goddamn spot…..
Shawn then pukes all over the floor, and Jim bends down, and begins washing his pits with the vomit.
Jim: Dude!!! My pits aren’t hot pink anymore!!!! And I smell like pure hell now!!!
Jim adds to the puke puddle, then runs outside and hoses himself off. Meanwhile, Chris is located in the attic closet, fondling Martha Stewart’s unwashed undies, and wearing Shawn’s mildewed socks on his nose.
Chris: Oh, yeah….Martha Stewart is so fucking fuck-alicious…
Angel and Bryan finally take Slipknot to heaven. Corey begins running around, sniffing at everything, and taking a piss on every plant.
Corey: What is this room?
Corey enters a room full of Denise Richards. But, since we’re mean, you’ll have to figure out what happened in there. Instead, we’re gonna see what the others are up to.
Jim: Dude, where’s all the Power Rangers stuff?
Angel: We don’t have those. We have Pokemon instead.
Jim: Oh. Well, where’s all the peanut brittle?
Angel: We don’t have that either. We prefer Angel Food Cake.
Jim: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! This isn't heaven! This is hell!!
Mick takes a slice of the Angel Food Cake, and bites it.
Mick: Grrrrrr....what.....this....shit......ROW! (smashes the cake) Make Devil Food!
Corey then walks in.
Corey: (tugging up on his waistband) Ahhhh…that should hold her….
Bobo the monkey comes out. Suddenly…
Corey: OH, MY GOD!!! IT’S DENISE RICHARDS!!!
Corey begins to hump Bobo’s leg.
Bobo: Thou shalt remove thineself from thy leg!!!
Corey: Why should I? Oh, you are so sweet and juicy!!!
Bobo: Because……
Bobo throws Corey off of his leg.
Bobo: THY ART GOD!!!
Mick: Grrrrrr.......so.......me.....am....SATAN!!!!!
Bobo: Thou hast deceive-ed thy followers enough. Thou shalt pay for leading thy followers off of the righteous path!!!
Mick: Grrrr……what….hell? Grrrrrr….speak…..normal……
Bryan: He said he’s gonna whoop your…
Angel covers up Bryan’s mouth.
Angel: Behind.
Mick: Grrrrrrr…….oh……uhm……bring…..it….on….pussy….boy…….
Shawn: Hmmm….Bobo is god? Okay. Uhm, BOBODAMMIT!!!!! Fuck, that makes no sense!!! GODDAMMIT!!! That’s better!!
Mick and Bobo start wrestling around. Mick puts Bobo in a headlock, and begins to punch him.
Jim: Hey, dude! Where's the pot?
Bobo: Pot? We don't have any pot!
Frankie Munez (yeah, that shit from that suck ass show Malcolm in the Middle....liked it better before....you know....back when it had the other names....like, uhm, "Roseanne", "Married With Children", oh, and "Unhappily Ever After".....only difference is, those shows were watchable....): I want to use the potty!!!
Shawn: GODDAMMIT!!! Why can't you say it right, goddammit? I gotta fuckin' pee!! I need to go to the fucking bathroom, rip off my goddamn pants, pull out my big ass dick, and piss all over the mother fucking walls!!!!
Mick clubs Bobo. Mick sits on Bobo's throne.
Mick: Grrrrrr.....me.....am.....GOD!!!
Jim: I thought you were Satan...
Mick: Grrrrrr....ME.....AM.....BOTH!!!
Shawn: MICKDAMMIT!!!! Hmmm....doesn't work right either.....I know! GODDAMMIT!!!
Chris: Dude, I’m fuckin’ starvin’!!! Let’s go get some eats!!!
Jim: What?
Craig: What he said was, “Let’s go get our eat on.”
Jim: Oh. Let’s go to the Outback Steakhouse!
Slipknot goes to the Outback Steakhouse, but damn hamburgers cost like twenty fucking dollars, and god forbid if you want cheese on it, so they instead went next door to the Taco Bell (or, as we call it, the Taco Hell). Jim kicks in the display with Gidget, that fag dog, on it.
Jim: Yo queiro to send you to hell!!!
Jim runs up the cashier.
Jim: (to the cashier) I want like 30 Chalupas!
Cashier: I’m sorry sir, you have to wait your turn.
Jim: Fuck that! I want 30 Chalupas!
Cashier: I’m sorry, sir. You have to wait.
Jim: Fuck that!
Jim jumps over the counter and goes into the kitchen.
Jim: (to the cook) I want 30 Chalupas!
Cook: Oh, oh, what de hell? What de hell? How de hell did you get in here?
Jim: I jumped the counter.
Cook: Oh, that is impossible!
Jim: Whatever. Where the hell are my Chalupas?
Jim begins rummaging around, throwing things about.
Jim: WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY CHALUPAS?!? (looks over at the cook) AND WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR CLOTHES? PUT SOME GODDAMN PANTS ON? WHO THE FUCK COOKS NAKED?
Corey runs into the kitchen, and takes off his clothes.
Corey: Did someone want a naked cook?
Jim grabs the first thing with meat in it, and hops back over the counter.
Sid: Buzzzzzzx……hmmmmmm…….
Shawn slaps Sid.
Shawn: What the hell you talking about some goddamn buzz-x? Where the hell you get that from?
Sid then flies into the kitchen, and dumps Ex-Lax into the bean burrito mixture. Meanwhile, the rest of ‘Knot go to get their drinks.
Chris: Some god damned Hawaiian Punch! Who the hell would want to drink that shit? It’s fucking nasty as hell!
Paul: Snort, I don’t think it’s “god damned” yet.
Mick: Grrrrrrr…..I damn Hawaiian punch….
Chris: Now it is!
Joey: It’s Satan Damned too!
Mick: Grrrrrrr….how….fuck…work….damn…thing?
Mick presses the button on the drink machine, and drink flies up and hits him in the eye.
Mick: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdammit!!!!!
Mick smashes the drink machine. Suddenly…
Corey: OH, MY GOD!!! IT’S A SLUSHIE MACHINE!!!
Corey goes over to the slushie machine. He looks it up and down, and puts his hand on it. He begins rubbing his hand around in little circles.
Corey: Oh, yeah….you like that don’t you….I know what you’ll like better……
Corey hops up on top of the slushie machine, and begins humping it.
Corey: Oh, yeah…you like it like that, don’t you? Oh, yeah, you love me inside of you like this, don’t you? Oh, yeah baby!!!!
Corey finally hops off, and goes to join the rest of ‘Knot.
Corey: Oh, man, that was good….
Joey: Oh, damn I feel bad….I think I got food poisoning, dude…..oh…..
Chris: Uh, here! Drink this enema! It’ll make you feel better!!!!
Joey downs the enema, and begins to get (sic). He turns green, and pukes it all up.
Joey: Man, I don’t remember eating chitlins…
Chitlins: ‘Cause you didn’t bitch! Now, come over here and let me strangle you!
Joey: Dude, those fucking chitlins are evil! They want to kill me!!
The chitlins jump up and try to strangle Joey.
Chitlins: Die you fuck!!!
Joey: Get offa me!!!
Chitlins: No!!! I kill you, then I take out those goddamn puppy-kittens!!!
Mick: Grrrrrrr….noooo!!!!! (clubs the chitlins) Grrrr….I damn you…..(clubs the chitlins)….I damn you….(clubs the chitlins)….I damn you…..
Chitlins: Hit me again, bitch! (Mick clubs) Harder, mother fucker! (Mick clubs) Bitch, damn, hit me!
Mick: Grrrrrrrdammit!!!! Die!!!
Chitlins: No, you die, SATAN!!!!
Mick reaches down, grabs the chitlins, and eats them. Meanwhile, Sid and Chris have sneaked into the bathroom with Mick’s puppy-kittens. Sid begins feeding the puppy-kittens Ex-Lax, while Chris sodomizes Mimi. They hear grunts and groans coming from one of the stalls, so they go to investigate. They find Paul sitting on the toilet, reading “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone”.
Chris: Dude, why the hell are you reading Harry Potter?
Paul: Snort, oh, damn!!!! I thought it was Harry Pot-Smoker!!!
Paul throws the book on the floor, grabs some toilet paper, and begins to wipe his finger.
Chris: What the hell?
Paul: I got shit on it! It smells like collards!!!
Mick then bursts into the bathroom.
Mick: Grrrrrrr…..Mick…..stomach…..hurt……feel…..like……getting…hit…in…head…with….bat…baseball…
Mick looks down, and sees the puppy-kitten shit all over everything. He then walks over, rips the door off of the stall, and begins clubbing Paul, Sid, and Chris.
Mick: Grrrrrrr…..me….damn….you…..me damn you…….MEDAMNYOU!!!!!
Mick then grabs Sid, pulls out his tongue, and uses it to mop up the floor.
Mick: Grrrrrr….taste…good…don’t….it?
Meanwhile, Jay Leno and David Letterman have walked into the Taco Bell (holding hands, of course), and have went over to the Slushie Machine.
Jay: Slushies taste good!
Jay and David then pour Slushies, and look down at it.
Jay: Hmmmmm….must have run out of flavoring….I have some white stuff in here….
Jay then lifts up the cup, and lets the slushie begin sliding down his throat….
Uhm, I Think We Should Stop Before We Have Jay Fucking Leno And God Damn David Letterman Whipping Our Ass Too!!!