Okay, this is a bit of an odd one, and we do expect to get killed for this one, but we don’t care. We found this damn funny, so here we go. Oh, uhm, it’s even funnier if you’re high! So go do your crack, weed, nutmeg, catnip, whatever the hell you do to get high, then come back and finish reading our story, YA DAMN ADDICTS!!! Okay….it starts….
Our story begins when Mick stumbles across some of Joey’s pills.
Mick: Grrrrr….what is to be of this Estrogen?
Mick shrugs, and swallows half the bottle.
Mick: Grrrrrrr….hmmmm…taste great….burp….less filling….
Joey walks in.
Joey: What have you done? You have taken my pills! They help me think straight! What will I do?
Mick: Grrrr…I don’t know, honey child.
Joey: What did you call me?
Mick: Unh, you heard me girlfriend. (does that thing where the head comes unhinged from the neck, and goes around in circles)
Joey: Omigod! I have a girlfriend now! We can go play Barbies, and talk on the phone, and do each others hair and makeup, and talk about boys, and our periods, and all that other good stuff!!!
Mick and Joey go up to Joey’s room and strip down to their bra and panties. Joey is wearing a little white bra with a yellow thong, (hmmm…I wonder how it got that way, I told that damn boy to pee before he went to bed….) and Mick is wearing a big ol’ purple bra and some purple granny panties. They start doing each others hair and makeup. They take the Dream Phone game, and call up some guys. They call up one, and Mick talks to him.
Mick: (giggling) Tee hee, hey there sexy. Do you want me?
Dude: Yeah, I like chicks with deep voices. It makes them sound sexy.
Mick: I think we dialed the wrong house. This guy sounds gay.
Joey drags Mick off, puts him in a tutu and ballerina slippers, and makes him dance with he. He is of to be sexy nude boy for luvely nude sex .Yes .
Mick: (in a high, girly voice) I think it’s too tight!
Joey: Nonsense. Your balls are supposed to be in your throat!
Mick then looks down and gets depressed, ‘cause he notices he doesn’t have any boobs. Mick then takes some herbal breast enhancing vitamins to make his boobies grow. Then he sits on the couch shirtless, pinching his nipples, waiting for his boobs to grow. At that moment, an upstairs window shatters, and a hint of raspberry fills the air. Echo the Faerie flies down, sees Mick, and darts over to him. He latches onto Mick’s arm, and begins licking at his left nipple. This is when Shawn walks in.
Shawn: Goddammit! What the hell is goin’ on in here? It smells like shit! Joey, did you shit your damn pants again?
Joey: (feels around in his pants) No!
Shawn: Let me see!
Shawn goes over, and feels around in the back of Joey’s pants. He then pats Joey on the head.
Shawn: Good boy.
Sid: (flying around the ceiling) Buzzzz…dammit….why couldn’t Joey shit his pants…..no….he’s too good…..take THIS, Joey!!!
Sid reaches into his pants and grabs some shit. He then hurls his own feces at Joey.
Shawn: You goddamn shit-fly! What have I taught you about wasting perfectly good shit? In this house, no droppings are wasted!
Shawn bends over, and picks up the crap that Sid hurled at Joey.
Shawn: I’m going to go put this in the recycling bin, and when I come back, I’m going to beat you. WITH MY WHIP!
Sid: Buzzzzz….noooooooo!!!!
Sid’s eyes get wide, and he begins darting around the room. Joey begins laughing at Sid, and Sid does a fly-by (flies down, kicks him in the head, and flies back up), and Joey retaliates by flying up and smacking Sid in the face. Sid then uses his super-powered laser eye beams to blast Joey into a million gazillion pieces…wait, what the fuck am I talking about? Sid flies away, and steals Shawn’s whip. He then hides it in a dark corner of Craig’s bedroom, ‘cause Shawn is afraid to go in there. See, the last time Shawn was in there, he caught Craig playing with his prick, and Shawn got hit in the ass with some piss, which Craig was using as a lube, ‘cause everybody knows you can’t whack off dry, ‘cause that shit hurts! Oh, yeah, wanna hear the conversation?
Shawn: Dude, what the hell?
Craig: This Barbie, man. She’s got one tight ass! I’d love to get up in that shit, man!
Shawn: Man, what the hell is this shit? You’re sitting here whacking off, and you didn’t even tie yourself up, or cut off your blood supply, or get someone to spank you, or nothing like that! You sick fuck!
Okay, present day again. Sid hides the whip, and then realizes something.
Sid: Buzzzzz…..damn….and I wanted to play that new game Shawn taught me…….”Flog The Hell Out Of Joey”…..oh, well….
Meanwhile, downstairs…
Corey: Whassup…….
Paul: Snort, snort you goddamn idiot.
Shawn: Where’d that boy go? Oh, well. What the hell do you think you’re doin’ Mick?
Mick: I growing me some boobs, Shawn.
Shawn: Ha ha ha!!! Here, let me show you some REAL boobs, boys.
Corey: Ooooo, whutcha got? Porn mags? Porn movies? Whutcha got?
Shawn takes off his shirt, and shows his man-boobs.
Corey: Oh, that’s sic, dude.
Joey lets out one of those horror movie screams, like, oh, that little scene in The Craft where they’re poking and prodding at Neve Campbell’s back. That’s a good example. You have seen that movie, right? No? Well, then get the hell outta my house! Don’t come back till you have, neither, bunghole! (by the way, we’ve been depriving ourselves of sleep, and at this point, anything is funny, hence the reason for half of this stupid ass shit…)
Paul: Hmmmm….
Paul walks over, drops a nice white line of bread crumbs on Shawn’s man-boobs, and snorts it up.
Shawn: Here, let me show you good.
Shawn begins making his way over to Mick, and Echo begins to growl.
Echo: Ya damn stubby, sawed-off son of a bitch, FUCK OFF!!!!
Shawn backs off.
Joey: Ooooo, I have an idea!!!
Joey runs off, and comes back with some water and some Miracle Gro. He goes over to pour them on Mick’s chest, and Echo bites him in the ass.
Shawn: Goddammit!!! I bet that damn faerie is rabid!! We gonna hafta put the sumbitch down!
Mick: No! My faerie!
Mick grabs Echo and begins hugging him like a little kid with their favorite stuffed animal. Shawn runs over, and tries to wrestle Echo away from Mick.
Shawn: C’mon, we’ll get you a new faerie! A cuter one! A nicer one! And one that doesn’t smell LIKE GODDAMN RASPBERRIES!!!!
Paul: Yeah, man. There’s a whole lotta room for improvement in your faerie.
Echo: (while having his ear almost ripped off by Shawn) Fuck you, you goddamn pig faced mother fucker!!! At least I know how to please your damn wife!!!
Paul: You mother fucker! (tries to make a dash at Echo, but is stopped by Jim and Chris, who just walked in from their new Richard Simmons video, “Tongue Bathing To The Oldies”) Let me at him! I’ll kill ‘im! I’ll kill ‘im!!!
Mick: Oh, god! Who impregnated me!?!?!
Echo: Goddammit, I ain’t payin’ no child support!
Slipknot load Mick ass first into the back of the Trak-Tour. They then head to the hospital.
Mick: Damn, I think my water broke! Hee hee hoo, hee hee hoo!
Slipknot explain the situation to the obstetrician man (that’s the right doctor, right?) named Heathcliff Huxtable (old t.v. reference! Who is that? Bill Cosby on “The Cosby Show”! C’mon, you know this crap!). Dr. Huxtable examines the situation, leaves the room and comes back five minutes later. Meanwhile, Rain pops out of a medical cabinet. Two minutes later, Bob Villa comes out of that same cabinet.
Bob Villa: GIMME BACK MY DAMN SQUIRRELS!
Rain: No.
Bob Villa: Dammit! I think they gave me genital warts, ‘cause it burns when I pee!
Shawn: Well, if your goddamn ass would quit using alcohol as a lube...
Dr. Huxtable: Now, what we have is a lovely mixture of red and blues and you put this on your tongue, and you eat it.
Paul: Snort, what are you talking about?
Dr. Huxtable: Jell-O. The pudding. You have to eat the pudding.
Mick: Dammit, I’M PREGNANT!!!
Dr. Huxtable: You should see a doctor, then.
Rain: You are a doctor!
Dr. Huxtable: No, I’m a comedian. Wait, no, I’m an actor. Wait, no….I’m a…..I’m a doctor.
Echo: No shit, DUMBFUCK!!! FIX MY BITCH UP, DAMN YOU!
Dr. Huxtable: Kids say the darnedest things don’t they?
Chris: It’s damnednest things, damn you!
Dr. Huxtable: Do you want to know the truth about your friend?
Corey: No, we want you to lie to our face and jerk us off some more for more cash. Fuck yeah!
Jack Nicholson sticks his head to the window.
Jack Nicholson: Heeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrre’s Johnny! You can’t handle the truth!
Jack Nicholson rips off his shirt, drops his pants, and slithers like a snake on his ass over to Rain.
Jack: (grabbing his crotch) You want this, don’t you?
Rain: No, but I think he does!
Rain points at Bob Villa. Jack swaggers over to Bob Villa.
Jack: You like that squirrel, huh? Well, wait’ll you get a load of me.
Bob Villa: (stroking a squirrel’s crotch) Pervert.
A nurse walks in, and Jack steps up behind her.
Jack: Baby, you know what’s missing inside you?
Nurse: No, what?
Jack: Me.
Jack Nicholson leaves with the nurse. Suddenly, one of Bob Villa’s squirrels breaks loose and begins running around.
Bob Villa: Aunt Slappy, come back!
Bob Villa begins chasing Aunt Slappy around the room.
Dr. Huxtable: Now what this chart is showing….is all the taste buds that Jell-O gelatin pudding effects.
Mick grabs the paper that Huxtable was talking about.
Mick: Hey, there’s nothing on here!
Dr. Huxtable: Hmmm….we need to fix you up real quick…come here!
Dr. Huxtable grabs Joey, ties him down to a table, ties his ass off, fills a syringe with chocolate Jell-O gelatin pudding, and shoots him up.
Joey: Ahhhhhh…..I needed a fix…..
Dr. Huxtable: Hmmmm….this water you broke…it tastes more like urine….not good for making the pudding…
Mick: But my contractions!
Jim: Dude, I think you just need to take a monster shit!
Craig: Not before me!!!
Craig makes a mad dash towards the bathroom.
Jim: Dude, I think your ass is drawn up tighter than Wes Borland’s when Fred Durst gets “horny”!
Echo: Wes?
Rain: Wes is mine!
Echo: No….Wes is mine!
Rain: No, is for me!
Echo: No! Is mine! Told me last night when him was inside me!
Mick: Oh, GOD I THINK IT KICKED!!!
Echo: Mick and Wes are mine!!!
Echo latches onto Mick’s leg.
Mick: Grrrrr...damn…..Echo……Faerie….get…off…..!
Yay! But Girly Mick Was So Sexy!!!!