Okay, so here’s the deal. Echo has been watching waaaaaaay too much “Ghost Hunters”. :: sigh :: It all started ‘cause they were investigating in Salem, so obviously I had to watch, and then I just see the incredible hotness of some of their investigators, and I’m just hooked. Plus, and this seems really weird to me, but it’s the only thing I’ve been able to find in a long, long time that has had any kind of effect on me. I mean, horror movies don’t creep me out….like, nothing creeps me out! Gah! But at least I can get little shivers down my back watching “Ghost Hunters”. So YaY. I was beginning to think that I was gonna hafta resort to Snuff Films…..:: sigh :: Maybe next time. Anyway. I was just sitting there a few days ago, or maybe I was in the shower…a lot of ideas come to me in the shower….it’s…weird. Anyway. There’s a nice mental image for you, HuH? Have a fun time thinking about Echo in the shower. Go ahead, picture it. PICTURE IT. Yep, that’s it. Wait, no. No. It’s bigger than that. Little bit long…yeah…yeah, that’s it. There. What the hell were you thinking giving me two inches. It’s at least three and a half. Geez. Anyway. Let me go ahead and finish ‘splainin’ this damn thing so I can actually get it started. Okay. Idea for story hit me, and so, yeah. Have had a few such stories before, but this one might be different. Anyway. Here we go.


We open in the living room of the camper. Paul and Chris are sitting there, watching a movie.


Paul: (snorting popcorn) Oh, yeah. Man, this is a good movie. What’s it called again?


Chris: “Tyler Perry’s ‘Granny’s Got A Good Old Snatch’”. I think it’s, like, the 480 th Madea movie, or some shit.


Paul: Man, that old bitch knows how to take a good dick.


Chris: Tell me about it. I haven’t seen an old snatch filled like that since the last time I popped my cork in Martha.


Paul snorts another piece of popcorn, and begins choking.


Paul: Snort….choke….snort….choke….help! Chris begins panicking. He starts running around, screaming.


Chris: HELP!!!HELP!!!! PIGGIE’S DYING!!! PIGGIE’S DYING!!!!


Chris trips and hits his head. Shawn and Joey run in.


Shawn: Goddammit, what the fuck is going on in here?


Paul coughs up the popcorn.


Paul: Snort…ooo, popcorn.


Paul snorts up the popcorn that nearly killed him.


Joey: What’s wrong with Chris?


Shawn: Ah, that poor bastard must have passed out. Go put his ass in bed.


Joey begins tugging Chris, trying to drag him to his bed.


The Next Day


Chris wakes up at the foot of his bed. He wanders into the living room, and sees Paul sleeping on the couch.


Chris: Oh, no. I couldn’t save him. P-p-piggie’s dead, and it’s all my fault!


Chris, sobbing, runs back to his room.


Paul: Snort…whuh what?


Paul gets up and goes wandering off to his room. The drawer on his bedside table is open, and a foot long dildo is sitting on his bed.


Paul: Snort…dammit….


Paul grabs the dildo and goes wandering off down the hall. He goes in Joey’s room, and begins waving the dildo in his face.


Paul: Snort….you been messin’ with my stuff?


Joey: N-no! It wasn’t me! Maybe it was Chris!


Paul wanders down the hall to Chris’ room. He throws open the door, and begins waving the dildo at Chris.


Paul: Snort…WHY!!! WHY!!!


Chris: Oh, god! P-p-p-Paul’s ghost!!!!


Chris runs out of the room, and darts down the hall.


Chris: HELP!!! PIGGIE’S GHOST IS HAUNTING ME!!!!


Chris runs into Craig.


Chris: You gotta help me! Paul’s ghost is after me.


Craig: (silence)


Chris: And I think he wants to rape me with a giant dildo!


Craig: (silence)


Chris: YOU’RE NO HELP!!!!


Later that day…


Paul wanders back into his room, and finds Joey playing with his giant dildo.


Paul: Snort….IT WAS YOU!!!


Paul grabs up Joey, and wanders into the kitchen. He throws him into one of the hanging cabinets on the wall, and locks him in.


Joey: Help!!! Let me out!!!!


Paul: Snort…that’ll learn you.


Paul wanders off.


Joey: Help!!! There’s giant dust bunnies in here!!!


Chris walks in.


Joey: (choking on a giant dust bunny) Help!!! I’m choking!!! Chris: Oh, god, no…


Joey begins kicking at the cabinet, and stuff begins falling off the wall.


Chris: Oh, geez….it’s getting worse….


Chris curls up in a ball and begins rocking. Rain and Echo walk in.


Rain: What the hell’s wrong with him?


Echo: Maybe he finally realized he’s fucking an old lady.


Rain: That’s hot.


Echo: If you say so.


Chris: I-I-I-I-I…


Echo: Dude, check it out…it’s Alpha 5!


Rain: What?


Echo: Rangers! The evil Rita Repulsa is hatching a diabolical plot to overthrow the Earth!


Rain: What?


Echo: Oh, come on. I was * not * the only one who watched Mighty Morphin Power Rangers…


Rain: What?


Echo: Oh, you’re just being a smart ass again.


Rain smiles.


Rain: What the fuck’s your problem, Chris?


Chris: I-I-I…I’m being haunted by the ghost of Paul…


Rain: Piggie died? When?


Chris: L-last night. H-he choked on some p-popcorn. A-and I couldn’t s-save him, so now he’s haunting me!


Echo: Well, first things first. You’ve gotta get in there, and investigate the claims of the haunting. Then you gotta try and disprove it. Then you gotta figure out if it’s a legitimate haunting or not, and figure out where to go from there.


Rain: I can’t believe you watch that bullshit.


Echo: (shrugs) It’s the one weeknight where wrestling * DOESN’T * come on. Gotta watch something.


Rain: If you say so.


Echo: Okay, I get to be Grant, and you’re Jay, okay?


Rain: Whatever.


Echo: Too bad we don’t have someone to be Kris Williams. She’s just soooooo hot.


Rain: There’s Joey…


Echo: Uh….no, that’s okay. Only ‘sposed to mess with girls that are legal, remember?


Rain: Oh, yeah.


Echo: (to Chris) So, what are the reports of activity?


Chris: He showed up in my room at first.


Rain: And what did he do?


Chris: He waved a dildo at me.


Rain: (stifling her laughter) He did what?


Chris: Waved a dildo at me.


Echo: O….kay. Uhm…what else.


Chris: He chased me down the hall.


Rain: Uh huh….


Chris: Still waving the dildo.


Rain: This is….great, actually. Uhm…did he catch you?


Chris: No, I was too fast for him.


Rain: Damn. I would have liked to have known what would have happened if he caught you…


Echo: Well, what do you think would have happened?


Rain: Well, I would *hope* that he raped him in the ass with the dildo, but you never know.


Echo: Wow. I…was thinking he’d have made him a sandwich….


Rain: What kind of sandwich?


Echo: A peanut butter and dick sandwich, what else?


Rain: Of course.


Echo: So, what else?


Chris: Well, I walked in here, and I heard voices, and stuff started shaking off the walls.


Echo: Okay. So, we need to set up a camera in Chris’ bedroom, the hall, and here in the kitchen. Try to get some EVP’s in here.


Camera cut: Studio


Echo: EVP stands for Electronic Voice Phenomena. Some people believe that sometimes ghosts speak to us, but we can’t hear it, and these devices can actually pick up those voices.


Camera cut: In Home


Rain: So, you gonna run the thermal or am I?


Echo: You can run it.


Camera cut: Studio


Rain: We use thermal imaging cameras to help identify cold spots. Some people believe that cold spots are the result of ghosts trying to draw the energy from the air around them to try and manifest.


Camera cut: In Home


Echo: Well, let’s set up and get started.


Echo and Rain wander off to the living room, where they find Chuck Norris and Bob Villa.


Rain: Okay guys. We’ve got a couple of claims of activity. Let’s get our cameras set up and knock this out of the park.


The Slipknot Abnormal Paranormal Society team runs off to set up their equipment.


**Yeah, okay. So I will say. I am beginning to get a bit sleepy, but this is still rather amusing to me at the moment, so it works. - Echo**


Later…


Echo: Okay, guys. What did we get?


Bob Villa: Nothing. Absolutely nothing.


Rain: Nothing? Not even an EVP?


Chuck Norris: Nothing.


Echo: Well, better luck next time, I guess.


Echo picks up one of their cameras, which is made out of cardboard and duct tape.


Echo: Just too bad we didn’t catch a thing. Oh, well.


Echo and Rain wander off to find Chris.


Rain: So, how have things been? Any activity since we left?


Chris: Nothing yet. I think maybe you scared him off. I hope.


Rain: Well, you know what we did. We came in, listened to the claims of activity, set up our equipment, and tried to see what we could prove or disprove.


Chris: Right. So, how much did you catch?


Echo: Well, nothing, actually.


Chris: Nothing?


Echo: Yeah, but as you may know, ghosts don’t always appear on cue.


Chris: Right.


Just then, they hear the cabinet start rattling.


Joey: Help!


Chris: See? There’s the voice again! And the rattling!


Echo: Well, let’s check it out.


They go over to the cabinet. Rain opens it.


Joey: Help?


Rain: You’re free.


Joey: YaY!


Joey frowns.


Joey: I peed myself.


Rain: S’okay.


Joey: YaY!


Joey pees himself again.


Rain: Okay, this time it’s not okay. You fucking know better. Get your ass out of that fucking cabinet. I’m gonna beat the fuck out of you.


Joey crawls into the cabinet under the sink, and pops back out with a pot.


**Oh, that’s abso-fucking-lutely hilarious if you know the story behind it….- Echo**


Joey hits Rain with the pot. Rain beats the hell out of him. She then stuffs him in the pot.


Rain: Anyone hungry?


Echo: No, that’s okay. Hey, another case debunked, alright.


Paul walks in.


Paul: Snort….oooooo…food….


Chris: THERE’S THE GHOST!!!!


Echo pokes Paul.


Echo: Pretty solid ghost.


Chris: He…he’s not dead?


Chris runs over and begins kissing Paul on the forehead.


Chris: OH, MY GOD!!!! YOU’RE NOT DEAD!!!! I DON’T BELIEVE IT!!!!


Chris continues kissing Paul’s forehead. Then he slowly begins moving downward…..


Echo: Okay. That’s my cue to leave.


Rain: I….am gonna keep watching.


Echo: Yeah, of course. Too bad Buck Angel isn’t around to join ‘em, HuH?


Rain: Yep. And Caleb.


Echo: Of course.


Echo wanders back towards the living room. Chuck and Bob are sitting there, watching Animal Planet. Suddenly…


Bob: OH, MY GOD!!!! IT’S A SQUIRREL!!!!


Bob runs over and begins raping the television.


Aw, That’s So Cute. It’s Almost As If Corey And Jim Never Left. Almost. But Not Quite.