Okay, rant time. What the hell is wrong with the following words: ass, shit, damn, fuck, bitch, hell, titties, cunt, penis, cocksucker, titty-fucker, Uncle fucker, horny, clit, Barbara Streisand, Bette Midler, slut, whore, muff, dyke, butt pirate, squirrels, giant Stubby cunt clit, Sally Jesse Raphael?!? These words are considered “profane” by the majority of people today. (btw this Sally Jesse Raphael thing about “Eminem…love him or hate him” is on…this spawned this…) But why is this? I mean they’re just fucking words…besides if the fucking parents didn’t want their kids to listen to the shit, then I got the perfect solution….QUIT BUYING THE FUCKING CD’S FOR THEM THEN!!!! And if you don’t buy the fucking cd’s for them, then I don’t see where you can fucking complain. Damn, it’s simple. You wanna eliminate fuck, shit, mother fucker, ass, damn, hell, and bitch from your kid’s music collection, then DON’T GET THE CD’S WITH THE PARENTAL ADVISORY EXPLICIT LYRICS OR THE PARENTAL ADVISORY EXPLICIT CONTENT STICKERS!!! Goddamn jackasses….Oh, and you might not wanna let your kids see THIS site….hell, it’s not like the little fuckers won’t hear the damn shit at home….I know I do….Rain does too….every fucking day….our lives are shit…..we live in a living fucking hell EVERY GODDAMN DAY!!! Damn, the bible thumpers tell us, “you’re gonna go to hell!” and we just turn to them and tell ‘em, “We’re already fucking there…”
The Chuck Norris Poem
Chuck Norris, I think, is a jew
He says, “Putzah, what’s wrong with you?”
The scent of him makes me go “p-u”
The sight of him makes me go “ew”
He fucks squirrels, Bob Villa does too
They did that shit while in the zoo
Don’t they know that shit is taboo?
I see his ass, I yell out boo
I only did one time, okay maybe a few
He loves the Godsmack song “Voodoo”
Listens all the time, nothing else for him to do
He loves to eat him some chicken stew
Did you know that the cow goes moo?
His favorite band is The Who
If you mess with him, that day you’ll rue
He’ll kick your ‘nads and hump your shoe
Anwar see him, say “Sexy nude boy, ooo, ooo”
Run over to him, in his ear yell “coo”
Mistook him once for Mister Magoo
He named his squirrel Stu
Screwed it with a dildo that was brand new
While listening to those Dolls Named Goo Goo
If you touch him, your ass he’ll sue
What is in the floor? Is that poo?
Dude, learn to use the fucking loo
Just as long as Chuck Norris doesn’t play Scooby Doo!
Okay, we just had to do this. We're working on a few more at the moment... anyway, this one is called “CRAIG CALLS HIS MOM”...
Craig walks into the living room and grabs the telephone. He makes the dial go in circles (yup, a rotary phone!) and holds the receiver to his ear. Craig’s mom answers the phone.
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (burps)
Craig’s Mom: Yar.
Craig hangs up the phone. He then calls back.
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: Muff.
Craig’s Mom: Yar.
Craig sucks some snot, hangs up, and calls right back.
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: (silence)
Craig’s Mom: (silence)
Craig: Ruff!!!
Craig’s Mom: Sex! Yar!
Craig goes to hang up the phone, thinks better about it, and puts it to his ear. Meanwhile, on the other end of the line, Craig’s mom hands the phone to Craig’s little eight year old sister.
Craig: (breathing heavily) So…..what are you wearing?
Craig’s Sister: Pocahontas panties!!!
Thus ends the solo story of Craig.
Oh, God!!! I’m wearing Pocahontas panties Too!!!