So, it's finally time. We knew this day would come eventually. Who will be the first of our mischevious band of misfits to tie the 'Knot? And that pun is definately intended. Well, we're about to find out. We left if for anyone who visited to take their pick, and here it goes.
Somewhere in the camper trailer...
Jim and Joey are in the upstairs bathroom, taking a bubble bath.
Jim: (sipping some champagne) Oh, I just love this.
Joey: (drowning because he's trapped under a rose petal) Blorb blorb blorb!
Jim: Yes, I do love the way you look in this candlelight. You are the most magnificent creature I've ever seen, Josephine.
Joey: (still drowning) Bloop bloop bloop!
Jim lifts Joey up out of the water, and kisses him.
Joey: (coughing up water) You savt me....(pants)...I...luft you....
Jim: Oh, Joey, I love you, too!
Jim gives Joey a big hug.
Jim: Joey...I have something I want to ask you.
Joey: (still panting) Whuh...whuh...what is it?
Jim pulls out one of those quarter machine rings.
Jim: Josephine Bloody Mary Jordisonwitz....will you marry me?
Joey's eyes go wide.
Meanwhile, In The Tree House...
Mick and Echo are lying on the floor. Mick has obviously been drinking, and is almost passed out from a drunken stupor. Echo is rubbing his chest, hoping to turn him on.
Echo: Mick...please give me a piece?
Mick: Grrrr...too...drunk....later....
Echo: You won't have to do much....I'll do all the work.
Mick: Grrrr...maybe....
Echo: You can just there. I'll get on top and ride you.
Mick: Grrrr....mayhaps....
Echo grabs Mick's a-cups, and gives them a little squeeze.
Echo: Please?
Mick: Grrrr...okay. Two minutes.
Mick gives Echo his two minute thrill ride. Afterwards, Mick, who has had his orgasmic fun, is lying there with a big smile on his face. Echo is lying there, cuddled up to him.
Echo: Mick...do you love me?
Mick: Grrrrrrr....I love...fuck of....
Echo: But, do you love me?
Mick: Grrrrrrr....I love of...your boot boot hole....
Echo sits up.
Echo: But, do you love ME?!?
Mick: Grrrrrrr....sure, why not....
Echo: Mick, prove to me how much you love me...
Mick: Grrrrr...what you want of? For what to be for marry?
Echo: Really? Did you just ask me to marry you?!?!?
Mick's eyes go wide.
Meanwhile...
Chris and Martha Stewart are lying in a hammock that she made using pinecones and a hot glue gun. They are, of course, having sex. Bad part is, which every thrust Chris makes, the pinecones rip a little more of Martha's ass to shreds. They then flip over, and Martha starts getting Chris up the asshole with a strap-on. Of course, with every thrust...the pinecone's rip a little more of Chris'...organ...to shreds. Lovely. Finally, they finish.
Chris: Oh, god, you're the best lay I've ever had.
Martha smiles at Chris.
Chris: I want to fuck you every day.
Martha grins a little more.
Chris: I want to fuck you legally.
Martha looks at Chris expectantly.
Chris: I have something really important to ask you...
Martha: Yes, Chris?
Chris: Martha Droopy Boobies Stewart....
Martha: Yes, yes...
Chris: Will you....
Martha: Yes....
Chris: Will you....
Martha: Yes...
Chris: Will you shut up a second so I can say this?
Martha: Okay.
Chris: Martha Droopy Boobies Stewart....will you...
Chris gazes deep into Martha's eyes.
Chris: Go fix me some cornbread? I'm really hungry.
Martha sighs, and goes to find the cornbread mix. Chris runs up behind her. Martha pours some cornbread mix into a bowl, and a spoon ring from the Seventies falls out. Martha whirls around, with her jaw dropped.
Chris: Well...guess I can't wait any longer. Martha Droopy Boobs Stewart...will you marry me?
Martha flashes Chris a big, toothless grin.
Meanwhile...
Dubya and Twiggy are getting busy on Dubya's desk in the room formerly known as the Oral Office. Dubya is dressed up like Osama Bin Laden, and Twiggy is wearing the remnants of what was once a Saddam Hussein outfit, complete with little mustache. (If you're curious like we were, click here for Dubya and here for Twiggy.)
Dubya: (making one of those notorious Dubya faces, while thrusting it in Twiggy) Oh, take that, Hussein. Oh, how you like those (turns to the side a bit) sidewinder missles? Oh, yeah.
We'll...just...skip the rest of their sex session...'cause...well...yeah. Just...use your imagination. Dubya reaching around, grabbing Twiggy's nether regions, and talking about how the "Secret Service" has come for him. Anyway, they're sitting there afterwards, making out, Twiggy's rub on mustache rubbing off on Dubya. When they finally stop, Twiggy and Dubya look at each lovingly.
Dubya: You know, I can't imagine my life without you.
Twiggy: You know, I really love your bush.
This confuses Dubya a bit, and he sits there making a Curious George face.
Twiggy: Your 'nad hair.
Dubya: Oh. Yeah. I love your bush, too.
Twiggy: (staring at his shaven crotch) But....I don't...have a bush.
Dubya: Oh. Well, I love my bush, then.
Twiggy: As do I.
Dubya smiles. Which, as most faces do, looks odd on him.
Twiggy: Dubya, I have something to ask you.
Dubya: Well, Saddam, that depends. If it's a favour, I have to tell you...the United States is *not* willing to negotiate with terrorists.
Twiggy: Dubya, I'm not really Saddam. I'm just dressed like him.
Dubya looks confused.
Twiggy: It's just pretend. You know, how like when you put your hands in front of your eyes, it only looks like the whole world has disappeared?
Dubya: Oooo, that's scary. I don't wanna do that anymore.
Twiggy: Well, it's still there. Just like I'm still Twiggy, not Saddam.
Dubya: Oh. Are you sure?
Twiggy: Yes, I'm sure, Dubya. Here, I'll show you.
Twiggy takes off the remnants of the Saddam suit.
Twiggy: See?
Dubya: (crying) Oh, Twiggy, I'm so sorry....
Twiggy: What? Why?
Dubya: I did something I shouldn't have...
Twiggy: What? What did you do?
Dubya: I...I...I slept with Saddam....
Twiggy: No...uhm....uh.....oh, it's okay, Dubya. I understand. I forgive you.
Dubya: Oh, I'm so happy....
Twiggy: I want to make you even happier.
Dubya: How could you do that?
Twiggy: Well....George Whateverthedubyaisfor Bush....
Twiggy pulls out a toilet bowl ring.
Twiggy: Will you marry me?
Dubya stares at Twiggy with his monkey face.
Meanwhile...
Corey is sitting on the toilet in the outhouse, licking a picture of Denise Richards.
Corey: Oh, Denise you taste so good. You taste like guacamoli. Mmmm...
Corey begins jerking off while licking the picture.
Corey: Oh, yeah...
The pair of panties that Corey is wearing on the top of his head starts drooping down over his eyes.
Corey: Dammit...why do Paul's panties have to be so damn big?
Corey finishes, and falls out into the floor. He grabs his pants from beside him, reaches in the pocket, and pulls out a combination lock.
Corey: Oh, Denise Boot Boot Richards, will you marry me?
The picture looks back at Corey.
Meanwhile...
Rain and her shoe are duct taped to the cum-covered wall of Corey's room. Rain stares at her flip-flop. Her flip-flop stares back at her.
Rain: Boot boot.
Flip-Flop: Moo!
Rain: DON'T TALK BACK TO ME!!!
Flip-Flop: Meep.
Rain: I'm an apple.
Flip-Flop: I'm an orange.
Rain: Let's make bananas.
The flip-flop pisses on Rain.
Rain: Golden shower. Cover me luvly boiy !
Flip-Flop: Marry me.
Rain bitch smacks the flip-flop.
Rain: I love you, Flip-Flop.
Meanwhile...
Shawn and Sid are spooning on the kitchen table in Stubby's fort.
Shawn: Sid...I have something I've been wanting to ask you, but I need for you to turn over and look at me while I say this.
Sid flies up, and begins bumping into the lightbulb.
Shawn: Well...Sid, we've been fucking for a while, right?
Sid: Buzzzzzz....ugh....yeah....
Shawn: And, I really enjoy it, and I'm hoping you do too...
Sid: Buzzzzzzzzznot really....
Shawn: Well..what I'm trying to say is....there comes a time in every relationship between a child and a clown where...they're ready to take it to the next step...and....I just want to know....
Sid: Buzzzzzz.....what?
Shawn: Sidney Jack Daniels Wilson...
Shawn pulls out an onion ring.
Shawn: Will you marry me?
Sid faints.
Meanwhile...
Craig and Kevin Bacon are in Craig's room, sitting in Craig's ceiling chair, making out. Craig of course has his helmet on, which could prove difficult in this situation.
Kevin: Oh, Craig.
Craig: Oh, Kevin.
Craig and Kevin drop to the floor, and Craig grabs a tobacco stick from the corner. He then proceeds to shove one end of the tobacco stick up Kevin Bacon's ass, and shove the other end into the floor.
Kevin: Ow.
Craig: (silence)
Craig then begins dancing around Kevin Bacon.
Craig: (singing) Bacon on a stick, Bacon on a stick, Bacon on a stick, Bacon on a stick....
Craig stops dancing.
Craig: We're engaged now.
Meanwhile...
Paul is sitting on the stove in the kitchen. Note, the eyes of the stove are on. He is staring lovingly at an omelette sitting beside him.
Paul: God, you've got a mouth like a Hoover.
The omelette twitches.
Paul: I really like that in an egg.
The omelette twitches again.
Paul: You'll marry me, right?
The omelette forms two bubbles shaped like eyes, which bulge wide.
The next morning...
Shawn and Sid are sitting in the kitchen.
Shawn: I can't believe you did that last night.
Sid: Buzzzzz....sorry....
Shawn: Sorry isn't good enough.
Craig, Kevin Bacon on a stick, Corey, Chris, Martha, Jim, Joey, Mick, Echo, Paul, Rain, Flip-Flop, Dubya, and Twiggy all file into the kitchen.
Kevin: Everyone, Craig and I have a big announcement.
Shawn: What is it?
Kevin: Well...last night....Craig and I decided....that I am bacon on a stick.
Everyone claps.
Shawn: Well, Sid and I have an announcement, too.
Kevin: What is it?
Shawn: Well....I'm pregnant. And so....Sid and I have decided...that....I'm going to perform my own abortion by using a vaccuum cleaner.
Everyone claps.
Corey: Well, Denise and I have an announcement, too.
Jim: What is it?
Corey: Well...Denise and I decided...that....next time we make love, I should laminate her first.
Everyone claps.
Jim: Well, Joey and I have an announcement, too.
Corey: What?
Jim: Well, we had a romantic bubble bath last night...and...we decided...that...since Joey almost drowned, that we wouldn't have anymore romantic bubble baths.
Everyone claps.
Rain: Flip-Flop and I have an announcement.
Echo: What?
Rain: Well...we've decided...that....I'm an apple.
Everyone claps.
Echo: Mick and I have an announcement, too!
Rain: What?
Echo: Well....we've decided...that....I like to cut people.
Everyone claps, as Echo cuts Mick where he throbs.
Chris: Martha and I have an announcement, too.
Dubya: What?
Chris: Well....we've decided...that....we're gonna stop making love in the hammock. My nuts are killing me.
Everyone claps.
Dubya: Twiggy and I have an announcement, too.
Chris: What?
Dubya: Well...we've decided...that....we aren't gonna dress up anymore, 'cause it confuses me.
Everyone claps.
Paul: I've got a big announcement, too.
Flip-Flop: What?
Paul: I ate my omelette.
Everyone claps. Suddenly, Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock run in.
Chris Rock: We've got a big announcement!!!
Martin Lawrence: Tell them!!!
Chris Rock: Well, Martin and I have decided that we are madly in love, and....
Joey: Get out of here, you faggots!!!
Chris Rock and Martin Lawrence run away.
Shawn: Oh. By the way. Sid and I are engaged.
Omigod!!! I can't believe it!!! Can you?!? I can't wait until the wedding!!!