(i.e. The short-so-I-can-do-laundry-and-pack edition)
August 2002
I Love the Clarinet
I’ve taken up playing the clarinet again; I’d
barely touched it the last two or three years, so it’s
been pretty miserable. My mouth-muscles have
atrophied, I’ve lost my thumb-callus, and even though
I walk one or two miles a day, the simplest one-page
exercises leave me gasping.
My official excuse for starting again is that my
breathing capacity has declined noticeably since I
quit. But I’m not sure that’s the real reason. When
I’m playing, the thing that warms my heart-- the thing
that makes me put reed to raw lip for one more
excruciating scale-isn’t my lung capacity. It’s
revenge.
Revenge-- like sucking honey off my fingers,
like the soft warm core of a cinnamon roll.
But I should back up a little and explain. I
live in a townhouse. I don’t recommend the
arrangement. My neighbors are a miserable young
couple with some whiny kids and a shrill dog. They
fight almost every day. It’s a routine. The guy
comes home, washes his Cadillac, goes in, yells at the
dog (who barks and runs around the house), yells at
the kids to either clean up this *&% mess or shut up
the *&% dog (at which point the kids start yelling
back and get sent to their room). He then stomps
upstairs, slams some doors, and turns on his stereo
and plays things with mind-numbingly repetitive beats
for two hours. After ten o’clock when I like to be
asleep, he and the girl fight. She threatens to kick
him out, he says she still owes him sixty dollars, she
says she doesn’t even like him anymore, he says he
doesn’t love her either and how does she like that,
she says he cheats on her, and the dog barks a lot.
Repeat. About twice a week they go for a 2AM
rematch.
I tried banging on the wall, but it’s concrete
and it bruised my hand without making a sound. So I
just lie awake seething and walk around zombie-like
the next day.
And so I have taken up the clarinet. It doesn’t
matter that I’m years out of practice. It doesn’t
matter that the corks and pads need replacing. It
doesn’t matter that I can’t bridge A to B without
warming up for half an hour, because I revel in every
painful pause and ear-killing squeak. Maybe when I
get back into the swing of clarinet, I can try
teaching myself violin.
What’s Iraq Got to Do With It?
Could somebody please tell me why we are planning
a war with Iraq? Did they attack us and I just didn’t
hear about it? Please don’t tell me we’re about to
send our military out to kill and be killed because “a
war is good for the economy,” or because a war is good
for the President’s popularity ratings.
The closest thing I’ve heard to a rationale for
this proposed attack is “Saddam looked at me funny and
I don’t like him” or something to that effect. I’ve
even heard people say that we need to because “those
people over there” hate us for our freedom and
prosperity (??). Hello! Has it ever occurred to them
that “those people” might not like us because of
little things like, oh, trade sanctions, a growing
imperialism, or the GULF WAR maybe?
And since when does mere hostility give our
government an excuse to go pick a war with somebody?
I used to think throwing the first punch was pretty
hostile. Silly me. We freedom-loving Americans are
never hostile. We just want to make the world safe
for democracy and all.
Imagine with me a laughably hypothetical
situation: The US only wants to free Iraq from the
iron fist of Mr. Hussein, out of the goodness of its
collective heart, because people should be free. It’s
nothing to do with oil, or popularity ratings, or a
president’s sense of parental obligation, or a sick
abuse of power by “representative” rulers who no
longer feel answerable to the people
they “represent.” No, we just want to liberate the
good people of Iraq from an oppressive leader. Now,
that assumed, is it right to impose liberty on people
who don’t necessarily want it? And what kind of
liberty is it if we do? It doesn’t make them a free
country: it makes them a puppet state. What kind of
country would America be if, instead of the
Revolution, we’d been “liberated” by France?
Israelis Uncover Liquid Terror
WEST BANK-Israeli troops bulldozing the home of a
suspected terrorist Monday made a chilling discovery.
They found what appears to be a liquid form of
terror. Several plastic barrels of the clear,
odorless liquid were uncovered in the basement of the
demolished home, prompting Israelis to place the
entire West Bank and Gaza Strip under curfew forever.
Israelis have been besieged by terror attacks,
terror bombings, and threats of terror in recent
months, but the shocking discovery Monday of the
liquid terror has everyone on edge. David ben David,
a resident of Jerusalem, wondered, “What’s next,
terror balloon attacks? Bottled terror? What if they
got that stuff into the water supply?”
Within hours of the discovery, IDF troops began
preventative measures, bulldozing at least three West
Bank towns and occupying several more. President Bush
has promised $3 billion in aid to help Israel combat
this new terror, saying “innocent little kids should
not have to live in fear. We are going to be Tough on
Terror, and we are sending a Strong Message to
terrorists that we will not let them keep killing
innocent women and little babies.”
_____________________________
I am solely responsible for the content of
Thumbsmudge. Any inaccuracies are probably
intentional. You can send me e-mail at
Elleason@aol.com if you want
to, and I’ll even answer it if I want to.
…………………………….Lilith
Could somebody please tell me why we are planning
a war with Iraq? Did they attack us and I just didn’t
hear about it? Please don’t tell me we’re about to
send our military out to kill and be killed because “a
war is good for the economy,” or because a war is good
for the President’s popularity ratings.
The closest thing I’ve heard to a rationale for
this proposed attack is “Saddam looked at me funny and
I don’t like him” or something to that effect. I’ve
even heard people say that we need to because “those
people over there” hate us for our freedom and
prosperity (??). Hello! Has it ever occurred to them
that “those people” might not like us because of
little things like, oh, trade sanctions, a growing
imperialism, or the GULF WAR maybe?
And since when does mere hostility give our
government an excuse to go pick a war with somebody?
I used to think throwing the first punch was pretty
hostile. Silly me. We freedom-loving Americans are
never hostile. We just want to make the world safe
for democracy and all.
Imagine with me a laughably hypothetical
situation: The US only wants to free Iraq from the
iron fist of Mr. Hussein, out of the goodness of its
collective heart, because people should be free. It’s
nothing to do with oil, or popularity ratings, or a
president’s sense of parental obligation, or a sick
abuse of power by “representative” rulers who no
longer feel answerable to the people
they “represent.” No, we just want to liberate the
good people of Iraq from an oppressive leader. Now,
that assumed, is it right to impose liberty on people
who don’t necessarily want it? And what kind of
liberty is it if we do? It doesn’t make them a free
country: it makes them a puppet state. What kind of
country would America be if, instead of the
Revolution, we’d been “liberated” by France?
Israelis Uncover Liquid Terror
WEST BANK-Israeli troops bulldozing the home of a
suspected terrorist Monday made a chilling discovery.
They found what appears to be a liquid form of
terror. Several plastic barrels of the clear,
odorless liquid were uncovered in the basement of the
demolished home, prompting Israelis to place the
entire West Bank and Gaza Strip under curfew forever.
Israelis have been besieged by terror attacks,
terror bombings, and threats of terror in recent
months, but the shocking discovery Monday of the
liquid terror has everyone on edge. David ben David,
a resident of Jerusalem, wondered, “What’s next,
terror balloon attacks? Bottled terror? What if they
got that stuff into the water supply?”
Within hours of the discovery, IDF troops began
preventative measures, bulldozing at least three West
Bank towns and occupying several more. President Bush
has promised $3 billion in aid to help Israel combat
this new terror, saying “innocent little kids should
not have to live in fear. We are going to be Tough on
Terror, and we are sending a Strong Message to
terrorists that we will not let them keep killing
innocent women and little babies.”
_____________________________
I am solely responsible for the content of
Thumbsmudge. Any inaccuracies are probably
intentional. You can send me e-mail at
Elleason@aol.com if you want
to, and I’ll even answer it if I want to.
…………………………….Lilith
to, and I’ll even answer it if I want to.
…………………………….Lilith