This is the story of Dave Winthorp, one of Orgy's roadies for the "Family Values" Tour.
(not really)

"Well, it was about midnight, and everyone had been partying hard, and Jay Gordon came up to me. He told me, that if he 'did not obtain some damn Lucky Charms' that he 'would refrain from using his vocal abilities' for the rest of the tour. Well, first, I had to go track down Paige Haley, just so I could be able to understand what Jay was saying, and, once I found that out, I knew that I had to get some Lucky Charms, otherwise, the tour would be ruined, because it would just suck without Orgy!


(pauses while I hand him a fifty)


"Well, I went out in the city, and, wouldn't you know it, all the grocery stores were closed. I began going to the convenience stores, but they either did not sell them, or had sold out. I began to get worried. No Orgy, no tour!!!


(pauses while I hand him another fifty)


"Well, that was when I found out who makes the Lucky Charms. It was a, uhm, what's this word? (I tell him what the word is) Oh, okay. It was a leprechaun who goes by the name of Lucky. Well, I hunted him down. I asked for his Lucky Charms, and he started mumbling something about, "always after me lucky charms". Well, when I found out that he was not going to give them to me, I had to do it. I picked up a huge rock, and whaled it at him. Of course, he ducked, and began running. I tackled him from behind, and man! Did I beat the shit out of that leprechaun! I left a bloody mess, but at least I got Jay's Lucky Charms!!! Can you quit holding that gun to my head now?"