(Yeah, I know, you'd never see him there, but hey! It gave me a bit more ta work with!)


Let's join up with Jay in the Wal-Mart Supercenter. Ahh, there he is. He is looking at the make-up. Let's listen in.

Jay: (stomping) I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!! THEY DO NOT HAVE MY EYELINER!!! Unh, unh, unh!!! This is so upsetting. Oh, well. I need to do some other shopping anyway. Hmmm. Let's see.

(wanders off down the aisles)

Ahhh!! This is something I need!!! Midol!!! That'll help my headaches. Oh! And I can use some Summers Eve too!!! Oh! And Tampax!! That'll help with the rectal bleeding!! Oh, and here's my favorite deodorant! Secret! Just like me! Strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman! Oh, now I need groceries.

(okaaaaayyyy okayyyyy I know that they'd sell bad food, but just for the sake of the story, go along with it!)

Jay walks into the meat department.

Jay: Hmmm. These weiners look a little bit off-colored and disgusting. They're not going in me!

Voice from behind Jay: Ahhh, hams for sale! I want....THIS ONE!!!

Suddenly, a hand grabs Jay's ass, and, startled, he whips around!

Jay: Oh, Rain. You scared me. How you doin' girlfriend?

Rain: Oh, fine. Uhm, Midol, Jay?

Jay: For my headaches!

Rain: Okay. But, Tampax?

Jay: Rectal bleeding.

Rain: Sure, why not? One more question though. Summers Eve?

Jay: Bobby asked me to get him some lubes. I figured that was just as good as any.

Rain: Why the hell are we in Wal-Mart.

Jay: I don't know. It doesn't feel right. As if someone were making up a story about us...

Rain: Yeah...

Jay: Well, I gotta finish shopping.

Rain: Why don't I join you?

Jay: Sure, girlfriend! (does neck motions and puts up hand)

Jay and Rain make their way to the frozen foods section.

Jay: Oh, honey, I gotta get me a Swanson dinner. Hold up.

Jay reaches in, grabs one, sees something behind it and puts it back.

Jay: Hold up. I gotta get another.

Jay reaches in, grabs another, sees something behind it, and says:

Jay: Paige?!?

Paige: Yah!

Jay: What're you doin'?

Paige: Gettin' my freak on!

Crow pops his head into Jays vision and says:

Crow: It's my duty, to please Paige's booty!!!

Jay: Okaaaaayyyyy....

Paige: Dude, I'm freezing my nuts off....and yours have already fell down onto the floor! Let's get outta here!!

Crow: Okay.

Jay: I really don't wanna see this, so I'll catch you folk later. I gotta go see if they got any New Order cds.

Paige, Crow, and Rain: Later!

Jay heads to Electronics, and while looking, happens by the tv/vcr section, where he sees an odd sight. There, parked in the middle of the aisle, is a lawn chair. A pair of pants is draped over the back of it, a shirt is lying on one side, and a pair of underwear on the other, and sticking straight up in the middle of the chair, is a pair of socks!!! Jay looks at the tv and says:

Jay: Hi, Bobby.

Bobby: Huh?

Bobby, clad in socks, and nothing else, falls out of the chair, and into the floor.

Bobby: Damn, I almost had a quadruple orgasm.

Jay: Nice. Bye bye.

Jay walks off. He starts walking toward the front, when he sees Amir, standing in the middle of an aisle, holding a head of lettuce in one hand, and talking to it about Rough Cutt as if it were a person.

Jay: Well, gee. Lookee there. Amir finally got him some head.

Jay continues toward the front, but suddenly, finds himself no longer walking on a floor, but on beer cans! There must have been hundreds, no, thousands of them!! When he finally gets to the front, he sees a scene which reminds him of Crazy Girls. On top of the check out thingie, stark naked, is Ryan, twirling around on the bar that has the light-up number!!!

Jay: I cannot believe this...what else could happen today?

Suddenly, people begin to recognize Jay. Thirty people come rushing up to him, still others stand back laughing at the fact that they saw Jay in Wal-Mart. Jay begins to scream.....

Jay wakes up in a puddle of sweat.

Jay: It was just a dream.

Jay hears noises coming from the foot of the bed. He sits up and see Rain at the foot making grabbing motions.

Rain: Waaaaannnnnttttt....Haaaammmmmmm.....so big and juicy......

FOR THE SAKE OF SOME OF OUR YOUNGER VIEWERS, THE REST OF THIS WILL HAVE TO LEFT TO YOUR IMAGINATION... (la la la la la Jay, dat just Rain baby daddy, dat just Rain baby daddy)